Daddy's little girls

I was laying down the other night while Joe got our three kids ready for bed. My door to my room was open so I could hear the commotion going on in the other room. Kids were laughing, loud pounding sounds were coming out of the room and then howls like little wolves. They were all having a good time in there. The loudest one was, of course, Gabriella.

As I imagined the games that were being played in their room and the memories my husband was building with his children I had a question come to me...

Do fathers understand how they mold their daughters at a very young age?

My experience with several people I know is that they feel their time to mold their kids come at a later age in life. My daughter Gabriella is almost 5 years old, her dad RIGHT NOW is determining what kind of man she will marry by the way he raises and interacts with her. That is pretty powerful to me.

At this young age we give Gabriella a picture in her head of what kind of man she is going to want, we determine how she is going to feel about food, view her body, how giving of a person she will be. Will she be an honest person, will she continue to be outgoing, confident, will she be too trusting. All of these aspects of who she will be is being groomed right now and we have to be so careful with everything we do with her. Kids are sponges and they take a mental picture and file it in their little brains and then refer to it later in life.

How many times have I recalled an experience from my childhood that determined why I handled something as an adult the way I did... many times!

The other day Gabriella was in the car in her car seat behind me while I was driving when she blurted out "I am doing everything you are doing mommy!" I looked in the mirror and she had her hand rested on the window the exact way I had mine and I thought to myself, she watches everything.... am I doing everything I would want her to do?

Our kids grow so fast and there is so little time to make up for loss memories, lessons or take back mistakes.

Today I have a better appreciation for being a mother. With the Grace of God I am going to learn to be a better mother and remember that even when I do not think they are, my kids are always watching and learning from me and I need to be the best example I can be to them in all areas of my life.

Today I also have a better appreciation for my husband. Not only because he is my husband but because he is a wonderful father and is doing a great job at raising our five kids. He is truly a blessing to us all and I hope he knows how much we all love him and how much we all look up to him, especially his two daughters.

Proud mother

As a child there was one thing I knew....

I was put on this earth to be.... a mother.

Like most young girls I dreamed of one day being a mommy to my own baby. To fulfill that need as a child I use to dress my black cat, Salt, up in baby clothes. Now before anyone starts screaming animal abuse, please note I would cut a hole into the rear of the Pj's to make room for his tale. I would then cradle Salt until he was asleep, most days he was very accommodating to this scenario but there were other days as soon I called his name and walk towards him he would run from me.

My mother moved us once to a home that actually had a chicken coop on the property. She bought us kids’ baby chickens to raise and take care of, strange thing in the middle of Beaverton but what did I know I was just a kid! Many days after school you would find me out running around the backyard trying to catch as many baby chickens as I could. I would put them into a wheel barrel and roll them around the yard until they fell asleep, my brother's thought I was nuts but those chickens were my babies.

When I was 20, after being married for two years, I found out I was going to have a baby. I will never forget the day I learned my baby was a boy. I was so happy I called everyone I knew to tell them the news and to tell them what the ultrasound picture looked like. I knew from the moment they said he was a boy I was going to call him Michael.

I am not a patient person by nature. So when I was close enough to "be okay to deliver" I started taking God's plan into my own hands. My Grandmother suggested I drink Castor Oil. She swore Castor Oil was the way to induce labor. "Drink a shot of Castor Oil and chase it with a Coke, you will be giving birth by the next morning" she said. The only thing I was doing the next morning, and the morning after that, was going to the bathroom! Soon after that failed attempt I started to bribe my doctor to induce me. At one point I offered to donate $100.00 to the charity of his choice if he would just induce me. My doctor did not take the bribe, but a week later and countless trips with false labor he finally agreed to induce me.

On October 11^th my son came screaming into this world. My favorite memory of that day was when they laid him on my chest, his eyes were wide open and he looked right at me and we made eye contact. He was the most precious creature I had ever seen and I knew he would bring me a lifetime of joy.

My baby is now 16 years old. He is almost a man. He stands 5’6 and weighs 164 lbs and he is the pride of my life. I am so proud of the person he is becoming and so anxious to see the man he will soon be. He is a hard worker, a great son, a wonderful brother to his siblings and he has his dreams set on being a detective. I am so proud of him, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and there is nothing I would not give him.

Sometimes I will hear him talking in another part of the house and it will stop me in my tracks. His voice is so much deeper and sounds like there is a stranger in my house, but it comes to me that this is my baby talking. I get flashbacks to him crying in my arms or giggling as I chase him and it makes me smile.

I am so lucky to have the love of a son and so lucky to be on Earth to see him develop into a man who his family is proud of right in front of my eyes.

Being on this earth as long as I have, I have realized there is no fairy tale ending. Things don't have to be perfect to be right. You don't need to know all the answers and you will not see your future as a clear beautiful painting. You just have to live day by day appreciating what you have, letting go of your mistakes and being who you are. There are no answers there is only life and it is there for us to live it...today!

If you do not take care of your body, where will you live?

I have been going to the gym for about four weeks now, 6 days a week. This is a huge accomplishment for me considering I was only going 2-3 days a week just four weeks ago. In addition to going to the gym I have actually been getting to "that place"where I can even say I enjoy going and working out... until today that is.

I did NOT want to work out today for a list of reasons so long I would not want to bore myself by typing them out. The only good thing about working out today, besides getting it done, was that I was able to work out at Premier rather than 24 hour fitness.

I use to work out at 24 last summer but it always seemed no matter how many people were or were not in that gym it was 95 degrees and I always felt like I was going to pass out. Today I work out at Premier but have to venture over to 24 for daycare issues that can not be met by Premier. But let me say, 24 has gone down hill, everything is so dirty and NO one wipes ANYTHING down after they are done. What is really comical to me is there are certain areas of the gym that have signs that say...

"Please help yourself if we have missed a spot."

What is funny about that is there is NOTHING there to help myself with. The bottles that are suppose to have cleaner in them are either gone or they are empty, even the hand sanitizers are empty. Gross!!!!

Okay, I got off on a track there. Back to my topic.. my workout.

My husband and I workout together. People always find it interesting that we work out together and that we do not fight during the workouts.

Today, it took everything I had in me not to hit him with the 30lb weight I had in my hand.

Imagine your husband, who you have bore 3 kids for in 4 years, snapping at you and moving his hands in a motion to try and get you to move faster. I am not sure how many females would be able to handle this. After all, I was moving but apparently not fast enough for him. But besides the snapping, then hand motions there is this face that he gives me that not only screams irritation it screams disappointment and discuss. This face makes me want to scream!!!

Can't he see that he is pushing me beyond my limits? Can't he see my whole entire body hurts to move? Can't he see that I am dripping in sweat? I am moving! I am pulling! I am pushing! My hands are even on the bar! I am getting down low! YES I can feel the pain in my legs! YES my arms are shaking and now you want more from me? You want me to do what? All of this occurs in two hours of my life and leaves me tired, hurting, second guessing myself and feeling defeated.

However, when I walk out of that gym door and I crawl into my vehicle and slide into it saying ouch and moaning I look over at the man that pushed me to the edge of the cliff and see a man who has helped change my life. I am healthy, my family is healthy I am in the best shape of my life and I am a smaller person. So when he says to me.....

"Did you have a good workout honey?"

I just smile and say "Yes babe, thank you so much!"

I am very thankful to have my husband care enough about me to help me reach the goals I want to reach, even if I did not know I had those goals!

The next step for me

For years I have said to myself that I have wanted to write a book. I have probably about 10 books started, (most with GREAT titles) however I have not came close to finishing even one of them.

What stops me?
Me.

"Will anyone want to read this?"
"Are you writing this for the correct reason?"
"Is this as funny to someone else as it is to me?"
"Is anyone really going to care?"
The answer.... Yes!
Because no matter what the left or right side of my brain says, I am writing this for me not for anyone else and if it brings me joy then I should do it!
So, as I sit here and look at my desk piled high with papers for football, work, articles I want to read and the spiral notebooks full of what I have written over the years I think to myself today is the day and this is where I am going to start!
Right here, right now.
This blog will be for me. I will write down the thousand of ideas that run through my head, the thoughts, the stories of my life, the stories of my wonderful kids all of it will go here and when I am ready I will organize it into something I will call a book and know that I accomplished it... for me.