Medium

In the first part of December my hubby and I were in Seattle for our diversionary.  The first night we were there we were out to dinner and I suggested that after dinner we go and see if we could find a medium and go have a reading.  This is something my hubby and I have always talked about and have been interested in but I think we were both a little scared to actually do it.  We were not able to find one that night but was able to set up an appointment the next night with Meaghan.

Let me just say this was an AWESOME and profound experience for both of us.

As soon as the medium, Meaghan, centered herself and got "in tune" with myself the first thing she said was:

"I am smiling in the midst of our prayer together because there is a cute story between the two of you that I can see in your heart center.  I want to say congratulations to the one of you who was patient enough to wait for the other to fully commit. I feel like Michelle is holding that story in her heart. There is a lot of amusing affection between the two of you.  When I go to your guides, there is a lot of humor here, and they have Michelle in the shape of a fishing pole reeling in Joseph.  Your guides are celebrating that they have pulled this off between the two of you.  She went on to say, You guys are funny, the reason I say that is because I can not tell exactly why and it is probably not important but at your soul's level there is some big cosmic joke and your guides are like "Wow, we did not think we were going to be able to pull that off"  Marriage is exactly where the two of you are suppose to be."

To be sitting in front of this person, her not knowing anything about my hubby and I or our past it was amazing to hear this right off the bat.  It really gave me some validation that all the work and the time that my hubby and I have been putting into our marriage is really the right path that we are to be on.  I am not saying I needed to hear her confirmation but it sure helped.  

I recall a time not so long ago when my hubby and I were having some troubles, we had a brief separation and people all around me were telling me it was time to let it go.  Move on they would say, you deserve better, you deserve to be happy and have someone who wants to be with you in mind, heart and soul.  But I could not just walk away from him because I had this little voice inside my head reapeating to me over and over again... "You're not done yet Michelle.' and because I love my hubby and I felt as if we were meant to be together no matter what was happening I refused to let go.

So being in this room with the medium, with my hubby next to me, hearing what she was describing as soon as she started the reading was so profound to me I began to tear up. 

I heard some ladies in the gym restroom talking the other day and it sounded as if they were talking about a mutual friend's marriage.  The one lady said "I would never put up with him treating me that way and she shouldn't either I do not know why she doesn't leave him!"

It brought back some memories of my own as a younger person and how I had a "list" of things I would NEVER put up with and told myself I would never allow to happen.  But until you are invested in the relationship and can anaylize the life you have you should never say never.  

No one should judge other people's relationships or marriages because until you are living their life you have no idea what they are going through, no idea what they feel and have no idea what kind of bond they have for each other.  Life is messy and bad things happen but it's not the bad things you should focus on it's what good comes out of it.

As the mother of two girls I am going to raise them to be strong and not allow others to take advantage of them.  But I also want them to have forgiving hearts and understand that life happens and if there is a mutual love, respect and bond with someone almost anything can be forgiven.

I am so happy we did that reading for this reason alone.  It really gave me the feeling like my hubby and I were on the correct path and gave me hope that our struggles are behind us now and from here we just need to love each other, love our kids and make the best out of this life.  God wants us happy, God wants us to have peace and God wants us to have him in his life.  I am excited to still be with my hubby and working towards all these things with him... my best friend.

"I just want to live my life happy."

I was talking to a friend the other day who started her weight loss journey with me over two years ago.  This friend took a much different route than I did, she went and had a "Mommy makeover."  A mommy makeover, for those who do not know, is a tummy tuck, lipo and a bottom lift.  So basically she has an incision all the way around her torso where the doctor cut out skin and sucked out fat.  It was a HUGE procedure and I have to admit she looked amazing!

I remember at the time being very envious of her because of how great she looked.  Within a few weeks she was out buying new clothes and had this new found self confidence about her and in her marriage.  At the time I was still struggling with what foods to eat and how to work hard enough to burn the fat layers I had from a life of being unhealthy.  But I did not have the cool 25K to lay down for surgery and knew the only way I was going to even get close to her was to just work at it... and work I did.

Fast forward to today and my friend is more overweight than she was prior to her surgery.  I on the other hand am not and have maintained my weight loss since I hit my goal weight in June of this last year.  When I was speaking to my friend about her weight she said to me:

"I realized life is too short and I just want to live my life happy."

These words have haunted my thoughts since her and I spoke.  What is she saying, that becuase I choose to continue to workout and live a healthy lifestyle I am not happy?  Is she saying that she is happier than I am because she threw it all to the wind and eats and drinks whatever she wants and doesn't workout?  Is she saying that she is going to live a longer life than I am because she does what she wants?  This sort of statment has always made me step back and wonder about the person saying it.

Does everyone have to work out like I do?  No.

Does everyone have to eat 90% of their food clean and organic?  No.

Does everyone have to eat six small portions of food a day?  No.

But I CHOOSE to... because this is the lifestyle I have choosen to live.  Does that mean I am not happy, does it mean I am wasting my short life on spending too much time at the gym and thinking about what food I am going to fuel my body with.... NO!  It means I told myself when I started this jounrey it would be a lifestyle change and that is what I have made it.

I love going to the gym.  I enjoy eating clean and eating organic food.  I feel better living my life like this and it does make me a happier person than when I was overweight and eating like crap.  Is my lifestyle any better than anyone else??? No, but it is what I choose and it is what makes me happy.

So if you are one of those people who think.. you would rather live your life happy and eat whatever you want... GREAT!  But don't downplay my choices just because they make you realize you COULD live the life I live too and be just as happy with a little more work.

~Mellie

 

Goals....

I am working with a few ladies to help get them on track to a healthier life.  I asked them all to send me a list of their goals for the year.  These should and can be weight related, personal, family and career.  One of the ladies sent me this email about her goals:

"I have put this off for a few days.

You sent a text a few days back asking us to outline our goals.  

I didn't respond, because to be frank, I couldn't think of any. 

My goal came to my mind tonight.  I was once again, numbing my anger and pain with food.  I stuffed my fat face with one more cookie.  My goal...short or long term...is to like myself again.

I would like to say that I have a goal to be fit...that I would like to eat healthy, take care of my body, and exercise.  

I have no faith in those goals.  I start on a path of health...and am always derailed.  Some life stress occurs and I am back to food...my faithful friend.

Food doesn't judge me.  Food doesn't make me feel stupid.  Food doesn't make me feel unwanted or unloved.  Food doesn't make me feel unimportant.

Food doesn't really make me feel anything apart from numb.  

I am ashamed to admit this...but for the first time in my life...I really don't like myself.  Call it depression...call it bitching...whatever.  The truth is, I have given up on me and my body reflects that.  Hell, my life reflects that.

I tried to talk to my husband about some of these issues.  He rejects this kind of talk.  To be fair, there is a lot that I have been stuffing (apart from food) and it is probably irrational to assume that he is capable of absorbing my pain at once.

My fear...and probably my reality...is that he really doesn't care about my pain...me.  

I am tired.  Tired of whining to myself about my weight.  Tired of saying I am going to get up and exercise and then not putting my shoes, clothes and water by the bed so as to facilitate that happening.  I am tired of cookies and carbs of any sort.  Tired of folding my stomach over my pants.  Tired of knowing I look terrible.  Tired of shortening my life.

Tired of me.  

I am grateful to you for not giving up on me.  It gives me the tiniest spark of hope that if you think that I am capable of more than this...that I might be.

Here is what I would like to say are my goals.

I currently weight 171 pounds...yeah, pick yourself up off the floor.  I have decided to quit lying about myself.

I would like to weigh between 140 and 145.  I think that 150 is probably more doable.  I would like to leave heartburn behind.  I would like to eat healthy most of the time but slip a treat in when I feel like it...not when I feel compelled or stressed.  I would like to exercise 5 - 6 days a week...including healthy activities with my son or husband.  I would like to eat food that gave me energy, lifts my mood and awakens my spirit.  I would like to see myself fit...lean...not necessarily muscle-y but toned.  

I think that I could like that person.

Just not sure that I know how to get there."

My heart aches for my friend because I know how exactly she feels.  There was a time, when I first started my own journey in loosing weight that I felt these same emotions.

One thing I try and share with everyone who is starting a weight loss journey or a lifestyle change is that they have to take it one day at a time.  If you look at all that upsets you, all the hurts, all that you fear.. you will never start.

I feared the gym.  I made every excuse in the book with my hubby on reasons I did not want to go.  So I lived with those excuses but really focused on my food and just moving my body.  I knew I had to hit a certain caloric deficit each day and if I could do that without going to the gym and still eating good then I celebrated that.  If you take on too much it will overwhelm you and make you feel as if you can not do anything... so then you don't.

I have helped this person before but it has been different.  She needs extra care and extra time.  She needs to understand that we have to breakdown her goals into more obtainable little goals that we can do at a time.  Then as she starts to hit those smaller goals she will begin to understand that she can do this and she will feel better about it.

I am going to suggest to her that she do a vision wall as well.  Pictures are a wonderful and positve way to remind oursleves where we are headed.  I had one when I first started and it had great quotes on it as well.

My heart aches for my friend and for how she is feeling but I am excited too because even though she can not see it.. I know she is strong.  I know she has the will to do this and I know if I can just get her to understand that it's time to start caring for her that she will begin to see a new light of day and the world will not seem so heavy.

Make is a great day today!

~Mellie 

  

Plans for the upcoming year

I refuse to make resolutions, something about the concept just bothers me. Maybe it's because as a teenager I made them all the time with friends. I would write my resolutions down, and then hide them somewhere in my room. Sure enough, months later I would look at them and be no closer to what I wanted to achieve.

Now I set goals for myself. Maybe it's just a play on words but it works for me and I'm able to set my sight on them. In the next week I'm going to really work on my goals for the upcoming year. They will be personal goals, family goals, faith goals and career goals.

Another thing I will be doing is making a vision wall. Much like a vision board but on my wall in my office. My vision wall will be a reflection of my goals. By putting my goals down and then seeing a photo of some sort that will refer to my goals will keep them in the forefront of my mind.

I have used vision boards in the past when I started my weight journey and my Maxformation, I'll post a picture of my one for 2013 when it's done.

I'm excited for this new year. I learned a lot in 2012 but I'm looking forward to putting it behind me.

If you have goals for the upcoming year or next few months I highly suggest a vision board of some type. Share your goals with friends or family. By getting your goals out into the public it can make you more accountable to stick to them. If you want to share with me, email me - I would love to see them.

It's a new year.. A new chance to do things better and a new chance to live the life you were meant to live!

Happy New Year!

~Mellie

Godsmack!!!!!!

Last night I shared my issues with allowing myself to let go of my worries and give it to God.... today the first post I see on Facebook is from Joyce Meyer Ministries and her update says:

"Give God your problems and allow Him to give you solutions."

If that is not a God smack, I do not know what is!!

Last night I was struggling with my worries and with my fears.  I had a small issue arise that set me into my pattern of spinning and letting my mind wonder and take me to a dark place full of fear.  So rather than acting on this emotion I set myself down and wrote a journal about it.  I read some scripture and I prayed, and prayed and prayed.  After only a short time I was able to calm myself down and fall asleep and not obsess over it.  Thank you God!!!

I woke up this morning and for a few moments a few times I thought of this situation again but just told myself "Mellie, let it go... you asked God to take it and take care of it~now let Him do what He has promised to do for you."  with that I have put it out of my mind and my heart feels lighter.

I have to say that even though this was a small accomplishment I am going to celebrate it because I was able to not act on those emotions and I was able to do what I set out to do... keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor praying.  I hope this will be the first of many accomplishments as I learn to grow into a stronger faith and a better relationship with God.

Happy New Year to anyone reading this.  I hope if you struggle with letting things go you will join me in my journey to allow God to handle our problems and for us to become worry free.  See you in the New Year.

~Mellie