The Love Dare-Day Twenty One

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. – Isaiah 58:11

Day 20 was a vitally important day in the Love Dare – and in your life.  You came face-to-face with the glaring need of every human heart.  And perhaps for the very first time, you became aware of how personal this need really is.  You may have realized that nothing in your toolbox of talents and resources could repair the damage that sin leaves, and that Jesus is the only One who can supply what you’ve been missing.  If you’ve received Him by faith and have turned your life over to Him to manage and lead, then His Holy Spirit is renewing your heart.  His wisdom, grace, and power can now be released into everything you do.  Including, not the least, your marriage.

But whether this is new territory for you or if you’ve been a follower of Jesus for quite a while, now is the time for you to firm up one thing in your mind: you need God every single day.  This is not a part-time proposition.  He alone can satisfy, even when all else fails you.

Your husband may be late coming home.  Again.  But God will always be right on time.

Your wife may let you down.  Again.  But God can always be trusted to deliver on His promises.

Every day you place expectations on your spouse.  Sometimes they meet them.  Sometimes they don’t.  But never will they be able to totally satisfy all the demands you ask of them – partly because some of your demands are unreasonable, partly because your mate is human.

God, however, is not.  And those who approach Him in utter dependence each day for the real needs in their life are the ones who find out just how dependable He is.

Can your spouse give you an inner peace?  No.  But God can.  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Can your spouse enable you to be content no matter what life throws at you?  No.  But God can.  “In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled … I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12-13).

There are needs in your life only God can fully satisfy.  Though your husband or wife is able to complete some of these requirements – at least now and then – only God is able to do it all.  Your need for love.  Your need for acceptance.  Your need for joy.  It’s time to stop expecting somebody or something to keep your functioning and fulfilled on a non-stop basis.  Only God can do that as you learn to depend on Him.  But He wants to do it His way.  “My God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

The needs of love, peace, and adequacy are real.  No one is saying you shouldn’t have them.  But rather than plugging into things that are unstable at best and are subject to change – your health, your money, even the affections and best intentions of your mate – plug into God instead.  He’s the only One in your life that can never change.  His faithfulness, His truth, and His promises to His children will always remain. That’s why you need to seek Him every day.

Our only reason for not doing this is because we really don’t trust God to supply what we need.  And yet the Bible says, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).  When we are seeking Him first, loving Him first, making our relationship with Him top priority, He promises to supply us with what we really need – which, actually, is all it really takes to satisfy us.

Jesus once spoke to a woman at a Samaritan well, a woman who had tried getting her needs met through a string of failed relationships.  With both her life and water bucket empty, she had come to this place broken and hardened yet still desperately in need.  But in Christ she found what He called “living water” (John 4:10) – a supply that wasn’t just for quenching temporary thirst.  What He offered her was a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving and refreshing.  And that is what’s available to you each morning at sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is what they’ve done to you.

God is your everyday supply.  Of everything you need.

I find when I start my day or spend a part of my day focused on The Word and in prayer with God I have a much calmer day and find myself being able to fight the demons in my own head.

The chapter allows me to look beyond the desires of the flesh to see that my expectations in life and in my marriage need to come by seeking the Lord rather than seeking my hubby to fulfill them.  When we walk with God He gives us what we desire and what He has planned for us.

I have wonderful support from my hubby, even in our darkest hours he has always been there for me and makes sure that my needs are taken care of to the best of his ability. He helps me reduce my stress by encouraging me to change things in my life.  He takes care of the ins and outs of daily life when it comes to our household and bills.  He does all these things to try and make life just a little bit easier for me.  But when it comes to peace in my heart, even though my hubby has a lot to do with that, I must seek this from God.

Putting demands on my hubby for my insecurities isn't fair.  Some of them have came from my hubby's past actions but there are others that have been there for years and I must seek God to help me release myself from them.  I must seek God to release me from not being able to trust.  I must seek God to help me fully forgive and move on from the past.  All of these things need to come from God and as I have talked about several times in the past, it is all about learning to "Give it to God."

I read Proverbs 1 as part of my chapter "homework."  The book of Proverbs is amazing with all it's life lessons and spiritual healing within the chapter.  I am going to make it part of my day to read one chapter a day.  I am hoping by reading these scriptures I will take my lessons in my faith to another level and really begin to work on being a better person in all areas of my life.  Thus making my marriage better as well.

I have a large family.  Sometimes I can go through my day on auto pilot and think everything is okay.  But if I continue on this path and not take the time to teach my kids the Word then someone, somewhere out there is going to teach them something else.  Part of being a better person and wife is being a better leader in my faith for our family.  Ultimately this is the role of my hubby but it should not fall on his shoulders only. 

We only have this one life to live, and we are only guaranteed this one second we are living in at this very moment.  I want to make sure that I use my time to the fullest and live it in God's world vs trying to get God to live in mine.

~Mellie

*****
You may have realized that nothing in your toolbox of talents and resources could repair the damage that sin leaves, and that Jesus is the only One who can supply what you’ve been missing.  If you’ve received Him by faith and have turned your life over to Him to manage and lead, then His Holy Spirit is renewing your heart.  His wisdom, grace, and power can now be released into everything you do.  Including, not the least, your marriage.

I can fix anything. Which, is good, considering I tend to break a lot of things. However, over the several months I have realized that sometimes things cannot simply be repaired with words or the commitment to "never do it again."Somethings, truly take time, dedication, real commitment, and most of all....actions.

It is my job, my God giving responsibility to lead my family to a better life, with faith as its foundation. Some days, weeks, months--I do this better than others. We all live in this busy world, on the grind from one day to the next. It is easy...perhaps even inevitable to lose our way and focus, at times.

I have learned, mostly through observation and a bit of experimentation, that I really do influence how things go both at home and in my careers/ businesses. I once read, and wholeheartedly believe, that power is not inherent or given authority, but rather power is measured by one's ability to influence. In that sense, I am very powerful.

At times, I fail to concentrate that power on "doing good" and instead use that ability to influence to manipulate or otherwise guide things to go the way I want them to do. Really, to a large extent, we all do this either consciously or sub-consciously.

However, again, I know I am very powerful. And with that power, that God-giving ability to influence, persuade, and otherwise manipulate others, comes a tremendous responsibility to use that power for good. Not for my own selfish wants or desires.

I am recommitting myself to my family. I am recommitting myself to my work. I am, in fact, recommitting myself to use my power for good--lead my family, friends, business partners and associates, to a better life. I know I can do it--I always have been able to do it. I just have not always wanted to do it.

I have an amazing, supportive, tolerant wife. She deserves me at my best. My family deserves and needs me at my best, as do my business associates. It is going to be a grind. Some days go better than others, and at times I will fall off the path to success. But, I know which direction I am headed in and as long as I keep moving in that direction, I will lead all those around me to a better life....a faithful life.

Joseph

The Love Dare-Day Twenty

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. –Romans 5:6

The previous day and dare lead to no other conclusion that this.  Thankfully, it’s a conclusion you can live with—today, tomorrow, and forever.

Jesus has come “to seek and to save” you (Luke 19:10).  Everything you’ve failed at and haven’t been able to do, every minute you’ve wasted trying to fix things your own way—all of it can be forgiven and made right by putting your life into the hands of the One who first gave it to you.

Maybe you’ve never done this.  Then today is your day.  “Now is the acceptable time, behold, now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2).

Maybe you did it years ago, but you’ve wandered far from your spiritual roots.  Then “repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord” (Acts 3:19).  Even if you’ve already made Christ your way of life and have never stopped walking in fellowship with Him, the following Scriptures will be a grateful reminder of all He’s done for you.

The Bible says we are sinful from birth, from the moment we arrive.  “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5).  “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment” (Isaiah 64:6).  It’s not as though God sends innocent people to hell.

We deserve it.  We simply can’t be good enough to live with a pure and holy God. 

Love like this cannot be fully understood.  “One will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.  But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:7-8).

Nor can love like this be earned.  “The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).  “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

But it must be received.  “If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation” (Romans 10:9-10).

And when you have received this new life and love as your own, you are free to love in ways you’ve never been capable before.

“This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers…This is His command; to believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded us” (I John 3:16, 23 NIV).  “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love” (I John 4:8).

He was willing to love you even though you didn’t deserve it, even when you didn’t love back.  He was able to see all your flaws and imperfections and still choose to love you.  His love made the greatest sacrifice to meet your greatest need.  As a result, you are able (by His grace) to walk in the fullness and blessing of His love.  Now and forever.

This means you now share this same love with your spouse.  You can love even when you’re not love in return.  You can see all their flaws and imperfections and still choose to love.  And though you can’t meet their needs the way God can, you can become His instrument to meet the needs of your spouse.  As result, he or she can walk in the fullness and blessing of your love.  Now and till death.

True love is found in Christ alone.  And after you have received His gift of new life by accepting His death in your place and His forgiveness for your sins, you are finally ready to live the dare.

Missing Kathy.

As the time for our first annual 5K/10K walk and run draws near I am not only feeling the pressure of putting on a major event I am feeling the loss of my friend.

People who know me know that I am a personal trainer on the side.  I am married, have 5 kids and work in a very stressful industry but on the side I find a new passion and drive to help people get physically healthy by changing their lifestyles.

This passion for fitness is how I met Kathy and how we became friends.  She was a client of mine and I knew the first day I met her she would become a friend.  Her and I shared many moments before, after and during workouts talking about her life, her struggles, and her dreams.  I was not the friend she went shopping with or the friend she went to Happy Hour with but in the quiet moments we had together I felt a real connection to her.  We use to text all the time all day and into the night and some of her texts would have me in tears laughing so hard.

These past days I have really felt like she has been with me and around me during the day and it makes me miss her even more. 

I have no real message here but to say that I miss Kathy, I miss her a lot and sometimes I regret not doing more with her in the time I had.  It really is true, you just never know what is going to happen and you need to enjoy and appreciate life daily.  I always thought I would hold her babies and hold her hand as she moved into new chapters of her life... now I am only holding on to her memory.

If you would like to join us in the 5K/10K walk and run please feel free to preregister to reserve your spot and claim your t-shirt for the run!

http://www.active.com/running/west-linn-or/heroes-run-for-cervical-cancer-2013

The Love Dare-Day Nineteen

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. –I John 4:7

The Love Dare starts with a secret.  And though it’s been an unspoken element throughout each day, you’ve likely grown more and more suspicious of it all the time.  Now that you’re this far, it’s a secret you’re discovering for yourself, even if you haven’t exactly known how to put it into words.

The secret is this:  you cannot manufacture unconditional love (or agape love) out of your own heart.  It’s impossible.  It’s beyond your capabilities.  It’s beyond all our capabilities.

You may have demonstrated kindness and unselfishness in some form, and you may have learned to be more thoughtful and considerate.  But sincerely loving someone unselfishly and unconditionally is another matter altogether.

So how can you do it?  Like it or not, agape love isn’t something you can do.  It’s something only God can do.  But because of His great love for you—and His love for your spouse—He chooses to express His love through you.

Still, you may not believe that.  You may be convinced that with enough hard work and commitment, you can muster up unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from your own heart.  You want to believe it’s in you.

It’s this failure that exposes mankind’s sinful condition.  We’ve all fallen short of God’s commands (Romans 3:23).  We’ve all demonstrated selfishness, hatred, and pride.  And unless something is done to cleanse us of these ungodly attributes, we will stand before God guilty as charged (Romans 6:23).  That’s why if you’re not right with God, you can’t truly love your spouse because He is the Source of that love.

You can’t give what you don’t have.  You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned.  In the same way that you can’t give away a million dollars if you don’t have it to start with, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own.  You can try, but you will fail.

So the hard news is this:  love that is able to withstand every pressure is out of your reach, as long as you’re only looking within yourself to find it.  You need someone who can give you that kind of love.

“Love is from God” (I John 4:7).  And only those who have allowed Him into their heart through faith in His Son, Jesus—only those who have received the Spirit of Christ through belief in His death and resurrection—are able to tap into love’s real power.  “Apart from me,” Jesus said, “you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

When you surrender yourself to Christ, His power can work through you.  Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God’s standards.  But He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us” (Ephesians 3:20). That’s how you love your spouse.

So, this unsettling secret—as defeating as it may feel—has a happy ending for those who will stop resisting and will receive the love God has for them.  This means that the love He has “poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5) is always available, every time we choose to submit to it.

You simply won’t be able to do it without Him.

I would say for me that this chapter was a good reminder and eye opener of yet again reasons I am allowing myself to turn things over to God. 

My hubby and I have made some amazing changes in our relationship and have renewed feelings that we share with each other.  Of course the love for me never stopped with him but I am seeing him in a new light and with a new understanding of unconditional love.

My friend A use to tell me all the time that I had to let go.  She would ask "When are you going to get out of God's way and let him do what HE needs to do?"  This was very hard for me since I have always been a fixer.  I have always been the one to try and make peace first and I am always the one to try and please everyone. 

I can honestly say when I really turned everything over to God and understood that HE would do things in his own time that is when I began to feel more peace and love in my marriage. God has given me the ability to not only forgive but to love unconditionally.

~Mellie

The Love Dare-Day Seventeen

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them.  Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.

Love promotes intimacy-- He who covers an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.  Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.  Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted.  We want people to know our name, to recognize us when they see us, and to value who we are.  The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage.  Yet this blessing is also the greatest danger.  Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we will never fully recover.  If the home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you look to a friend, initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters it. Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in your eyes.  They should not walk on eggshells in the very place they should feel safe at. The bible says "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear" Marriage has unloaded another person's baggage into your life, and your into theirs.  Some of these secrets may need correcting.  Therefore, you can be an agent of healing and repairing for each other, not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support.  Some of these secrets need to be accepted. They are part of the person's make-up and history.  In either case, you and you alone wield the power that either to reject your spouse or to welcome them in -warts and all. No one knows you better than God does, the One who made you.  And yet God, who knows secrets about us that we even hide from ourselves, loves us at a depth we cannot begin to fathom.  How much more should we-- as imperfect people-- reach out to our spouse in grace and understanding, accepting them for who they are and assuring them that their secrets are safe with us? This may be an area where you've really failed in the past.  If so, don't expect your spouse to immediately give you wide open access to their heart.  You must rebuild their trust.  The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, specifically after being compromised.  But your commitment to re-establish it can happen today for anyone willing to take the dare.


Ouch!  This one is a painful dare for me because I am guilty of this... guilty of this, so much I can honestly say I am ashamed at myself.

Of course in marriage when there has been a long period of time together and there has been a separation you are going to have issues of trust on both sides.  I am not free from guilt in this area.  We both have betrayed each other in one way or another during our time together and apart.  However, this speaks to ME in an even greater manner because I have not protected my hubby's secrets in the past.

Maybe I did not come out and tell someone (enter secret here) but my actions towards that third party has lead them to think a certain way or come to a conclusion on their own about our relationship and that is just as much a trust breaker as openly speaking the secret.

I know my hubby holds things back from me in fear that I might say or imply things to a third party that he would not want them to know.  I get this.  This is my cross that I have to bear.  I am ashamed to say it that when I am challenged or pushed into a corner I seek out help and guidance when really I should be getting on my knees and praying to God.

I am looking for that perfect love that casts out fear.  But in order for me to get, I have to give it first.

This has been a great chapter for me and a great lesson for my heart.  Now, I have to go and prove myself to my hubby and prove to him I can be the one to be trusted again, it's not just about him.  But... I am willing to do it.. and continue to try over and over again till I get it right because he is the one I love and he is the one God gave to me and I will prove to him that we can have that perfect love that casts out fear.

~Mellie

*****

We live in a hard world. We are all faced with choices, decisions--some obvious, some subtle, that can have lasting implications. We don't always make the best decisions. Sometimes, we act out of fear. Sometimes, we act out of ego.

It is important that we all feel we have a place to be safe. A place, rather a person, that we know we can share anything and everything with and that that person, despite knowing the best and worst about you, still accepts you.

I have that person in my wife. She knows me, as she often says, perhaps better than I know myself. She knows all the amazing things I am capable of--my strengths, abilities to persuade and lead, usual strong character and determination. She also knows my terrible failings as a man and as a leader of our family.

Not only does she accept me, still--but she shows me unconditional love on a daily basis. Love that I never knew existed.

Likewise, I know all about my wife. I know her hopes and dreams. I  know her greatest and darkest fears. I know her tremendous strengths, and I know her shortcomings. And, I love her. All of her.

All these things make-up Michelle. They are who and what she is. And, they are and always will be safe with me.

As Michelle says, it all comes down to fear. We all have to accept who we are as people, what we have done both good and bad, and move forward. We all have to decide we will not live our lives in the past....we will not live our lives in fear.

I have made that decision, and it benefits my wife, our family, and all those around me that trust and count on me.

~ Joseph