Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Monday, November 4, 2013

A letter to my daughter Gabriella

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6-7

Gabriella,

Today you are 8 years old.  You are a beautiful 3rd grader living in West Linn, Oregon.  You have shoulder length brown hair that is thick as the day is long.  You have a smile that warms the heart of so many and a soul that reaches out to others.  You are one of the most caring children I know.  Your thoughts are always about others and what you can do to make them have a better day.  Your laugh rings through our home and you fill the air with the songs you sing.  You are a lot like your Dad and I, but a better version in so many ways.

Gabriella you come from a long line of women who are strong, outspoken and who stand up for themselves.  Your Grandmother, Aunts, Cousins and Great Grandmothers were and are all strong and determined women.  But what most of the world does not know about some of these women is that they live, or lived in fear, sadness and uncertainty.  Some of them hid behind their outspoken voices so as to put on an appearance of being strong.  Some of them spent countless years searching for happiness and searching for a love that would complete them.  Some of them, including your mother, have never been able to break the chain of emotions that was passed from one generation to the next.  But you Gabriella WILL.

I see you often times in moments of life where fear overcomes your face and your anxiety pours out of you like a bathroom sink overflowing with water.  It comes fast and furious and can take hold of you.  I see and hear about the anxiety you feel at school in regards to whether people like you or not. I see you approach a crowd of peers and hang back off to the side until you are invited in.  I see you scramble to do things in fear that you might do it wrong or not do it fast enough.  I see you worry about what you wear and how others will perceive you.  

Gabriella when I was your age I had the same anxious feelings and fear that you have, what you experience and feel inside your head is totally normal.  But is what you do with those feelings will matter who you become as an adult.  

I know as 8 year old Gabriella you are not reading mommy's blog and probably do not even know about it. My hope is that sometime in the future you will read these posts about you and hear the message I am sharing with you.

Do not seek the comforts and satisfaction of the flesh, seek the comfort and satisfaction of the Lord in all areas of your life.   

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10

Gabriella our lives on this planet are only a moment in time.  This Earth that we walk on, or perhaps in your future float on, is only a spec of time in the big picture of our lives.  As you know your Dad and I teach you that there is a Heaven beyond this world.  This Heaven is where we will all meet our God, our Christ and our loved ones that have left before us.  This Heaven is the end goal to the lives we live now.  

Our time here and now is not to live only in the flesh but prepare us for the future in Heaven.  Our God puts us here to grow, learn, love and give as a preparation for our after life, the real life we were meant to live.  Our time here and now is to prepare our souls by growing them spiritually. 

So much of my own life has not been lived to the fullest because I did not understand the big picture in life.  I was too caught up in the desires of the flesh and the here and now.  God wants us to live a full life.  He wants us to have the things we desire.  God wants us to work hard and be the best we can be and live our lives to the fullest.  But God also wants us to understand all of these things prepare us for the next level of life with HIM.

Don't be so wrapped up in what others think of you.  Don't fall victim to the fear of the flesh and do not allow yourself to be stifled in your life.  Awake each day with a thankful heart to God for allowing you another day to "do you better."  Live with a giving and thankful heart that will please God and YOU.  Give yourself to others in a way that will honor God and honor who you are while helping.  Don't get caught in the traps of society and media that determines what they think you should look like or how they think you should act.  Society and the media does not have your best interest at heart.  Evil will try and come against you in the form of society and media.

I recently saw a letter from a man to his daughter where he was trying to explain to her how not to fall in the media trap of life and how his daughter should view herself.
This is a very well known magazine and the article on the cover reads the caption above.
This is the full cover.  This woman is what Society and the media deem as being plus size.  In my day this would be been the sign of someone with an eating disorder.

This magazine describes a perfect sceanior of how Evil can hid behind social media and try and take hold of you.  This woman on the cover is NOT a plus size model nor should anyone label her as one.  Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap of trying to be what everyone wants you to be.  Do not fall into the trap of defining who you are by the standards of others.  As you know your Dad and I work very hard to have a healthy lifestyle and teach you and your brothers and sister to do the same.  But no where in our lessons to you do we expect you to be beyond perfect.  

Gabriella you are a beautiful girl.  Your inner beauty shines more than you smile.  Your ability to be funny, charming and sincere is a quality not everyone has.  Your warm heart and caring personality means more in this world than the clothes you wear or the car you drive(or perhaps fly in your future).  Do not let others define what makes you Gabriella.

Walk with God and develop your faith in God and the rest will fall into place.  What matters is that you live a life that YOU love, a life that makes YOU happy and a life YOU can be proud of.  You have the ability to be someone big in this world, and you have the ability to change lives and touch others in ways that most can not.  Embrace those opportunities and embrace your life and your God.  

Our lives are just a moment in time on this Earth... make the most of it daughter.

Your Dad and I love you and We are your biggest fans!




 




 



 


Thursday, October 31, 2013

Decisions we make FOR our children

 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
 -Proverbs 22:6


Last night my hubby and I were driving home from dinner when we saw a young man walking along the side the of the road in a black trench coat wearing an orange hoodie underneath it.  Without even thinking I said to my hubby, "If any of our kids came home with a trench coat I would make them throw it away right then and there!"  My hubby didn't skip a beat and said "You are absolutely right, there is no way we would allow any of them to wear a trench coat." 

This sparked a conversation and memory up about our oldest son, Michael. 

When Michael was a Sophomore in High School we lived in the Happy Valley area.  Michael had a handful of friends that he hung out with and some were a little more on the "free" side than I would have preferred. 

One day Michael came to us and said he wanted to be a skater, he was going to take skate board lessons from his friend and he was going to change his clothes to "skater" clothes.  My hubby and I just looked at him and both at the same time said "No, that is not going to happen."  Michael of course tried to protest and tell us that he was old enough to make his own choices and he wanted to be a skater and not play footabll anymore.  We just again looked at him and said, "No, you are not going to be a skater and you can stop playing football if you want, but not to be a skater."  That was pretty much the end of that conversation and a week later I took him to get his hair cut.

Not long after that my hubby was in Michael's room.  Michael had a plain grey mouse pad on his desk and on it he had wrote in ink "I hate my life."  Those words struck me, as his mother, like a knife.  The second emotion I felt I shared with my hubby, I was angry.  How could HE say he hates his life?  He was in a nice home, we lived in a good neighborhood, he played football for his High School and he wanted for nothing.  Yet, nothing came with a price.  He was expected to do chores, he was expected to do well in school, he was expected to help with his younger siblings and he was expected to be respectful and appreciative.  Nothing was free in this world and we made sure he understood that although he had things better than some of his friends he was made to work for them.

I will never forget the conversation my hubby had with Michael that night over this mouse pad.  Well, it wasn't really a conversation more of a one sided speech.  My hubby advised our son that he was never to write that crap again.  My hubby advised Michael he didn't know what "I hate my life" even meant because he has never wanted for anything.  He advised our son that not only were these words disrespectful but they were also hurtful especially to his mother who had worked so hard for him and for his brother all those years they were young to provide them what they had now.  My hubby suggested that if Michael would like to find out what "I hate my life" really could mean than he would be more than obliged to show him.  Of course to which our son declined. 

Some may think that this behavior is normal and some may think that as parents we over reacted.  But what my hubby and I have agreed on over the years is that our children will understand and learn to appreciate what they have.  They will understand that there are no free rides in the world and they are not entitled to anything.

So many kids these days seem to grow up thinking the world owes them something.  That their parents owe them a good life and they have to do nothing in return.  I just don't get it.  My hubby and I can be out in public and kids of all ages are demanding their parents get them this or that, whining because they want something from the store.  Throwing tantrums in the middle of restaurants because they want to sit on mommy's head and not the chair (okay that was to the extreme, but I am making a point)  When did the kids of the world become such spoiled little shits?

Now before I get hate mail let me say.. not ALL kids are shits but you have to admit something has shifted in the world of parenting from when we were young.  Parents seem to be less concerned about molding thier kids into respectful contributors to the community and more focused on being their "friend."  Here is a news flash.  Our kids have enough friends, what they need are leaders to lead them and parents to guide and love them.

When I was a child my mother would give me a look that could cut through six people before hitting me and we would all coward down.  Now, my mother was not the mother of the year but what she taught me was that I was to be seen and not heard and that I had to respect anyone older than me.  She also taught me a thing or two about working hard.  Now this came in the form of her not doing much around the house so I had to do it all, but nonetheless it taught me to work hard.

My two older boys do not have to work.  It's not something that my hubby and I want for them.  Our goal is for the boys, and the three kids coming up behind them, to focus on their school work and get their educations.  There is plenty of time for working later in their adult lives.  But we do expect them to help around the house, help with the little kids and do things like run errands for us.  We feel this not only teaches them to be apart of a team it also develops their abilities to take care of themselves.

No one gets a free ride in the Galvan house.  Everyone, even little Elianna, has chores.  It can be a range from cleaning their rooms to doing laundry.  It is based on their age and their learning curve.  It is based on the need of the family and it's done with no questions about it.  It is just part of life in this house that they all have to work and they all have to contribute.  We feel having this kind of environment helps prevent the norm of kids and their thinking the world owes them something.  It also prevents this nonesense of walking around proclaiming "I hate my life."

I wish more new parents would take a look at their views and try and determine if they are helping their child be a proud, confident part of the society or just another little shit running around demanding things of everyone.

I once saw this little girl with her daddy, she must have been 5 years old.  We were all waiting to board a plane.  The little girl was screaming at the top of her lungs hitting her father on the legs.  He looked at one of the people sitting near him and said "Oh, she is so full of life.  She is just so smart she gets bored easily and needs to be stimulated more."   I looked at my hubby and said "What she needs is a nice long plane ride sitting next to someone like ME, I will take care of that right here and now!"  Sadly, she was not near me. Oh I would so have enjoyed showing her father how to control his monster child.

This is Michael when he wanted to be a "skater"

This is Michael today.  You're welcome son!







Wednesday, October 30, 2013

This too is not my home......

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. -1 Peter 5:10


I live in a big house in West Linn, Oregon.  It has many rooms and thousands of square footage.  Some look at my house and cast judgments on me thinking they know who I am or the type of person I am by the house I live in.  In reality, this house speaks nothing about who I am. It's simply a roof over my head and the heads of my children.  The square footage does not make this a home, the love my family fills it with does.

I have lived in many homes in my 40 years of walking on this Earth.  When I was 8 years old my mother and I sat and counted the number of homes that she had moved us in and out of at that point and I recall it almost tripled my age at that time.  It was rare for her to keep us in a home for very long due to lack of money and incorrect choices she made at the time.  I do not think my mother will ever fully understand the damage she caused my siblings and myself by moving us so much.  Not only did she move us in and out of homes, she moved us in and out of schools too.

When I was 14 years old I found myself, once again, packing up our belongings and preparing for a move.  My mother did not have the money to pay the rent and we were being evicted from the house we were living in.  It was the summer before my Freshman year in High School.  I remember it was a hot summer that year and I was looking forward to getting my tan on prior to my big move into High School. 

This move however, was different.  With this move there was no new home secured and waiting for us to move in.  With this move we had no where to go.  I remember my mother trying to make light of the situation by telling me it would be an adventure.  She suggested to my two older brothers that they find friends they could stay with while she secured a new home for us.  She told me that we would stay in a hotel until she could finalize our location. 

My bothers were able to find some friends to stay with and ended up spending their summer in a tent in the back yard of those friends.  My mother stayed true to what she said, her and I hoped around from hotel to hotel for what seemed like an eternity.  Now when I say hotel I do not mean the Heathman hotel in Downtown Portland.  These hotels were less than desirable locations and generally only rented their rooms out by the hour.  Nights would be filled with constant noise, the police being called, fights breaking out and me laying in fear that someone was going to break into our room and kill us in the middle of the night.

I would beg my mother to please take us to my Aunt and Uncle's home asking them to let us stay in their basement until we found a place.  But for whatever reason, that never happened.  Finally one day towards the beginning of July I found my mother driving us around in the dead of the night with no place to go.  She had ran out of money and could not afford a hotel room.  That night was the first of many nights where I found myself faced with the fact that we would be sleeping in our truck rather than in a room somewhere.

For the rest of the summer my mother and I spent countless evenings going from parking lots to rest stops along the freeway to sleep in.  My mother did her best to try and ease the pain and fear I was having but couldn't hide her own.  For weeks we slept in the cab of our truck.  I would use the rest stop bathroom to clean up or shower in or I would go to a friends house and clean up there.  Most of our day was spent driving around and eating where we could afford to eat while the hours ticked in my mind counting down when the night would return.  Each night would bring more fear, more resentment and more pain then I knew what to do with.  It started me on a path that to this day I would struggle with, fear.

I was lucky that my brothers kept an eye out for me.  If they were going to a friends house for a party they would bring me along.  It gave me a chance to have a roof over my head and a bathroom to use even if it was only for one night.  Some of their friends knew we were homeless so they would have us over for a couple days at a time and we could pretend that this was a normal life for a little while. But reality always came back to me when my mother would show up to pick me up.

It's amazing to look back on this time and really understand fully how it has affected the person I am today.  I don't view this time in my life as a poor me scenario but rather a stepping stone to who I am today.

Most people come out of situation like I just shared with a sense of entitlement, the world owes them something for all they have gone through.  Other people allow it to consume them and take them down a path of self destruction with drugs.  But some, like me, come out the other end of this struggle with a will that grows in them and feeds them.  Am I happy I was homeless? No.  Am I thankful fear took hold of me at that age and still tries to bring me down?  No.  Am I thankful that God saved me and taught me a lesson in love, survival and dedication?  Absolutely!

A few years later I took control of my own destiny and I started my path in life.  I finished High School, and although I did not go to college, I began to take the steps that would lead me to the life I live today.  The time I was homeless was the stepping stones to the life I lived going forward and are still the stepping stones to the life I live today.

Nothing is easy in this world.  Family, careers, relationships, health......none of it's easy.  Nothing, worth having, is handed to you on a silver platter.  Life is hard and you can find yourself at the bottom of a pit thinking it can't possibly get any harder, only to have the floor fall out from beneath you.  But what is amazing is the love of God.

This life we live here on this Earth is not the goal, it's simply a stepping stone to a bigger life we are meant to live.   God gives us free will to make the decisions we want to make.  God gives us Ah-ha moments to understand the lessons we are going through.  God also gives us unconditional love and the opportunity to mirror that grace in our own lives.

Everything God has walked with me through has brought me to this exact moment in my life.  It has prepared me for battles I never thought I would ever have to face nor even thought I would have the courage to attempt.  My trials and tribulations in my life are painful at times but they are here to help me grow into a bigger spiritual being that I am meant to be.  They are preparing me for the life I have yet to live, the life beyond the dirt of this world.  I embrace my past and I embrace my struggles and I thrive to understand what each of them will bring forth to me.

I live in a big house, but my real house is beyond this world and I am meant to live there and live in greatness.

~Mellie

http://youtu.be/P3CVlv2dz3w







Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Drug therapy- Day One

What Is Multiple Sclerosis?

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a disease in which the nerves of the central nervous system (CNS) degenerate. The CNS is made up of the brain and spinal cord. They process information from our environment and control voluntary muscle movements to allow the body to do certain things. This neural system works efficiently, unless there is a disease process affecting the pathways in the spinal cord and brain. Multiple sclerosis is one of the diseases that can affect these pathways and results in the destruction of myelin, a covering or insulation for nerves, that improves the conduction of impulses along the nerves and also is important for maintaining the health of the nerves. The demyelination (also known as plaques) disrupts the transmission of information in the CNS and leads to the symptoms seen in multiple sclerosis.  **Web MD**

Today is the first day of my injectable therapy.   My hubby and I went with the drug choice Copaxone for treatment and prevention of my MS.  Copaxone, also known as Glatiramer acetate,  is a daily injection of a combination of four amino acids (proteins) that affect the immune system. It is a synthetic protein that simulates myelin basic protein, a component of the myelin that insulates nerve fibers in the brain and spinal cord.  This drug is known to block myelin-damaging T-cells.  Copaxone is used to prevent relapse of MS episodes and help prevent further damage to my brain.



Along with the daily injections of the Copaxone I will go into my provider's nurse treatment room and be given an IV full of steroids.  The combination of these two drugs will be a routine for me for at least the next 6 months.  After that point in time I should be only on the daily injection of Copaxone.

I am not even close to accepting the fact that I have to take a daily injection at this point, therefore I am no where near being able to give myself the injection either.  My hubby spent some time not only researching the drug but also learning how to administer the drug for me.  This morning was my first injection.  Thankfully my hubby agreed to do the injections for me.

The injection itself was not so bad.  The needle is small in it's size.  My hubby pinched an area on my hip and then injected the needle there. It was after the injection that I started to feel some a burning sensation and it almost felt as if a knot was in my hip.  My hubby carefully explained to me this was normal and the liquid should dissipate shortly.  He was very gentle about the entire situation and I could tell was trying to reassure me.  I was very thankful for him today and made sure to not only thank him but thank God for him.

There have been many times I have spoken to people in my life who tell me that they are on some kind of daily medication or injection.  (Usually diabetes) I always felt a sense of regret for them.  I would think how awful it would be to not only have the inconvenience of taking a daily shot but also the daily reminder that your own body is too sick to care for itself.  I would count myself fortunate to not have that in my life at any capacity and was sure I would fight tooth and nail to change my diet or lifestyle to prevent daily medications.  I would tell myself if it were me I would do this... or I would do that... anything NOT to have to take daily medication or shots.  Yet here I am.

I mentioned in my first blog when I came out with having MS how when I was standing in the Neurologist office I felt the strength leave my body.  This feeling was a big deal for me and honestly took me by surprise.  I have been a fighter all my life.  I have fought since I was a child in many areas of my life that most can not understand.  I fought for my day to day survival, my sanity, my income, my rights, my safety, my family, my marriage and for my heart.  All of these fights have made me who I am, good and bad, and have brought me to this place in my life where I continue to fight.  But at that moment in my doctor's office I really felt the fight just leave me.

Does this mean I am not up for this fight?  No!  Of course I am.  I want to live.  I want to be healthy.  I want to show my family that we can take on anything that is thrown our way AND we can overcome it.  But I am at a point in my fight that I have not been in for a very long time.... "Fake it till you make it"

"Fake it till you make it" use to be a mantra I would tell myself (and my clients) over and over again while getting healthy.  There were many days in my transformation period where I did not want to get up two hours earlier than everyone else to get a workout in.  I did not want to leave my hubby and go to the gym a second time that day.  There would be days I just had to go through the motions to get the work done but wasn't really feeling motivated to do it.  I think we all have areas is our lives like this.  Now, I am in that area of my life again.

Don't get me wrong, I WILL fight MS and give it all I have but currently I am in the "fake it till you make it" stage.  I do not feel like I have the fight left in me, I do not feel like I have the desire to take on anything else and I do not feel powerful and strong.  Coming out with my disease brought a lot of support from all of my friends and family and was the right thing to do.  It also left me feeling overwhelmed and small.  It's almost as if the world is swallowing me up and I am frantically trying to grab hold of something or someone to pull me out. 

It's easy to stand on the outside and tell someone they are going to be fine, or not to worry you will live a normal life. But to be the one on the inside and knowing THIS is not normal for me is a challenge.  My normal life is not a daily injection and IV therapy.  My normal life is not a daily reminder that my body is sick and there is a disease that is currently trying to harm me inside of it.  Normal is not normal anymore.

However.... I hold on to the points my hubby keeps repeating. (I know he keeps saying them because he knows I doubt myself and I am not HEARING them at this moment in time)  He tells me It's okay to feel weak and vulnerable.  It's okay to seek help from modern medicine to help me fight this.  I have made it through the hardest part of the disease when I didn't even know I had it.  I began this battle long before today and I am winning it already, I just have to keep up the fight.  It's okay to feel doubt and be afraid and it's okay to be angry.

I have to give MYSELF permission to feel a certain way at first because it's a part of the process of re-creating who I am and who I need to be.  Allowing myself time to grieve over this disease is a healthy part of the healing process.  Sure, I can say all I want "I got this" but inside I am a small child needing some comfort to allow myself time to accept, fight and then overcome.

Letting go of the need to try and be perfect in the eyes of everyone and allowing myself to seek the support and help of others is the way I will gain my strength and hopefully come out even stronger.  The love of my hubby and kids will be another and my faith in God that He will deliver me will get me through these times. All these avenues will be where my strength comes from and will hopefully come back to me ten fold. 

Today I am weak.........but the day is not over yet!

Intravenous Therapy










    

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Love Dare-31

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

This verse is God’s original blueprint for how marriage is supposed to work. It involves a tearing away and a knitting together.  It reconfigures existing relationships while establishing a brand new one.  Marriage changes everything.

That’s why couples who don’t take this “leaving” and “cleaving” message to heart will reap the consequences down the line, when the problems are much harder to repair without hurting someone.

“Leaving” means that you are breaking a natural tie.  Your parents step into the role of counselors to be respected, but can no longer tell you what to do.  Sometimes the difficulty in doing this comes from the original source.  A parent may not be ready to release you yet from their control and expectations.  Whether through unhealthy dependence or inner struggles over the empty nest, parents don’t always take their share of this responsibility.  In such cases, the grown child has to make “leaving” a courageous choice of his own.  And far too often, this break is not made in the right way.

Are you and your spouse still living with unresolved issues because of a failure to cut the apron strings?  Do either of your parents continue to create problems within your home – perhaps without their even knowing it?  What needs to happen to put a stop to this before it creates too wide of a division in your marriage?

Unity is a marriage quality to be guarded at a great cost.  The purpose of “leaving,” of course, is not to abandon all contact with the past but rather to preserve the unique oneness that marriage is designed to capture.  Only in oneness can you become all that God means for you to be.

If you’re too tightly drawn to your parents, the singular identity of your marriage will not be able to come to flower.  You will always be held back, and a root of division will continue to send up new shoots into your relationship.  It won’t go away unless you do something about it.  For without “leaving,” you cannot do the “cleaving” you need, the joining of your hearts that’s required to experience oneness.

“Cleaving” carries the idea of catching someone by pursuit, clinging to them as your new rock of refuge and safety.  This man is now the spiritual leader of  your new home, tasked with the responsibility of loving  you “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  This woman is now one in union with you, called to “see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

As a result of this essential process, you are now free to become everything God meant when He declared you “one flesh.”

  • You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.

  • You are able to achieve oneness in your priorities, even through you’ve come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.

  • You are able to achieve oneness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either of both of you have memories of impurity in your per-marital past.

God’s decision to make you “one flesh” in marriage can make anything possible.

If this is not how things are going in your home right now, you’re unfortunately in the majority.  It’s not out of character for couples of all kinds – even Christian couples – to ignore God’s design for marriage, thinking they know better than He does.  Genesis 2:24 may have sounded nice and noble when it was wrapped around the sharing of vows at the wedding.  But as a fundamental principle to be put into place and practiced as a living fact – this just seems too difficult to do.  But this is what you must make any sacrifice to reclaim.

It’s hard – extremely hard – when the pursuit of oneness is basically one-sided.  Your spouse may not be interested at all in recapturing the unity you had at first.  Even if there is some desire on his or her part, there may still be issues between you that are nowhere close to being resolved.

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you don’t have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave.  And dare to walk as one.


Today’s Dare

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet?  Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right.  The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it.  Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
*****************************************************

I do not see that there is a "leaving" issue in my marriage that I can think of.  I have been away from the direction, support and care of my mother since long before I married my hubby.  I have always cared for myself, even at a young age, and never had a close relationship with my mother.  I do not know my father so there is not an issue there either.

However, the following passage in the book speaks to me:

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you don’t have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave.  And dare to walk as one.

It is and always has been a passion of mine to be "one flesh" with my hubby.  During our marriage there are times when we have and when we have not, it has came on gone over the years.  But the desire to achieve this is still in the forefront of my mind and it still my goal as I awake everyday.  

I feel motivated and blessed to be able to still be sitting here as Michelle Galvan and even more blessed to feel the bond between my hubby and I continue to grow.  We have had our tough times but I feel as if we are in a recovery mode again and THIS time we will be able to sustain the commitment and the bond we have.  It feels good to find myself in a place where I can relax and let go of some of my fears and just love on him with no hesitation.  It feels good to know that the seeds we sow are feeling as if this time they are really going to put us in a place we BOTH want to be.. a place of love, commitment and harmony.  

I have always held onto to my faith in God that HE would see us through and HE would take us down the path we belonged on together, I guess just now I finally understand it was meant to be on God's time and not mine.

I dare to continue to walk as one with my hubby and show him the love I have for him in my heart, one that will never be taken away from him.   I thank God for allowing me an open heart, a loving heart and for showing me how to love my hubby God's way.

May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You.  (John 17:21 HCSB)