Forgiveness of yourself and of others

Every day is a brand-new start! We can let go of yesterday's disappointments and give God a chance to do something wonderful for us today.

 

Each day is a new day and a new chance to better myself. Sometimes I can find myself stuck in my own head re-living a time or event in my past that has hurt me. I am not sure why my mind does this to itself but it happens all the time. I can sit and live the pain over and over again and if I am not careful it can really take off and disrupt my day.

This is not how I strive to spend my days or live my life. I think, for me, it's my subconscious trying to come to terms with the pain I have experienced and some part of that pain is still unresolved.  So I go over it and over it without even really thinking about it trying to fix it or resolve it.

God gave me the incredible ability to forgive.  Sometimes my forgiveness that I am able to demonstrator surprises me.  However, as I get closer with God I am learning that HE is allowing me to put the wrong doing out of my mind and He takes it and deals with it.  Maybe he does not deal with it in the manner I think should be or in the time frame but he has given the gift of forgiveness and allows me to let go.

But what I have came to learn and understand this past year of my life is that sometimes I will not be able to come to terms with a painful memory.  There are events that I just can not change and can not make sense of and the only thing I can do is give the pain that lingers away...... to God.

It has been a hard lesson for me to come to grips with but I'm learning that if I just turn my pain, my sorrow, my confusion, frustration over to God and tell Him to take it and deal with it I can find the peace I have been searching for.

This does not mean I have given it all over to God, it only means I am able to accept it, understand and recognize it.  I am a work in progress.  I am like the construction on a freeway, it never seems to end.  But I know that if I just take it day by day.... moment by moment... and I keep reminding myself.. Give it to God.... one day I will be free of it and I will live the life I was meant to live.

I only have one life.  I do not want to live it angry, biter, upset, sad or as a victim.  I want to live it like it was meant to be lived... full.  Full of joy, full of love and full of great memories.

Thank you God for the ability to forgive and for taking my problems that are just too big for me.

 

 

One step forward or two steps back!

Make a plan and work your plan.

This has been something I have been telling myself for the past three years while on this journey to get healthy.  But no matter how much planning and coordinating you do, life happens and something gets in the way.  I have had to learn to be flexible and adjust my plans while still focusing on the goal for the day.

My daily goals do not change that much and are pretty simple.

• Take care of my family
• Read the Word of God
• Eat my meal plan
• Work
• Workout
• Make sure my husband and I have "our time" 

My day is pretty much the same thing everyday there are not many changes.  But what DOES happen is life.  By that I mean, someone will throw up on the floor, someone forgot to bring something to school and needs it rushed over to them, someone has to go to the doctor, someone needs to be taken here or there.  It's these little things that come up, what seem like daily, that can really throw a person off from their plan and make them throw in the towel.  This is where I have to yell at myself and remind myself that this is about me too.  I deserve to be healthy and I deserve to have the time I need to ensure MY goals for the day are met.

A perfect example was yesterday.  I was on the phone with my husband and we were planning what time we were going to meet for the gym that night.  Our local gym has been closed this week for a remodel, so that has challenged us to have to go to another one.  The other location is close to my husband and his work but is not for me.  The time that I leave for the gym the traffic on the freeway at that hour is usually a mess, so it's suddenly a big deal trying to get there.  But I know I have to get it done.

As I hung up the phone I get a call from the school, my 4 year old has thrown up in his classroom and needs to be picked up.  At that VERY moment my 16 year old, who is in his room because he was not feeling well starts to throw up.  Great, I think to myself... there goes by babysitter.  I can not take the three little kids to the gym now and they have no one to stay home with.  I text my husband and his response is "No gym tonight then."

Any normal person would think okay I'll just go tomorrow... but I WANTED to get to the gym.. I NEEDED to workout... I was getting to that gym if I had to crawl there!  Eventually I got everything worked out and everyone was taken care of and my husband and I were able to go and get our workout done.

My point is that when life hits you and it hits you hard you have to decide if you are going to let life control you... or are you going to control life?  It would be very easy to have just said I will go another day, but that did not help me meet my goals for the day.  Instead I took control of my life, worked out the kinks and went on with the rest of my day and achieved my punch list..... and it felt GREAT!

Try not to let life run you, take YOUR life by the reigns, ask God for guidance and do what you need to do to be successful in your marriage... weight loss... getting tone.... work... relationships..what ever it is for you.  You have the power to be successful you just have to want it bad enough!

Make it a GREAT day today!

Wow, it's been awhile

It has been so long since I have posted on my blog, but today while I was getting ready I decided it was time for me to make the time again and get back into my blog.  I think I was my facebook post that I made today:

Today I am thankful to be 88 days from turning 40 years old! I may not be in my 20's, my skin may not be as tight as it use to be, I may have wrinkles, I may not have the look of wonder anymore. But what I do have is knowledge, depth, the ability to forgive, a true understanding of REAL love, the ability to care for someone other than myself, a relationship with God and a true appreciation for life itself. I do not fear 40, I welcome it with open arms and thank God that He has allowed me to live this long and learn so much about life. I am grateful.

So I decided to pull out my letter that I wrote to 20 something Mellie.... :)

 
Dear 20 something Mellie,

You are blessed with two beautiful boys who right now you are molding into becoming wonderful and responsible men. You're doing a great job raising your boys on your own and when I say you will be proud when they are in their teens is an statement no words can fully explain, you will beam with pride.

Life is going to be hard for you personally even more so than it is at 20 something. Your take control attitude will do right by you but will also hinder many opportunities in your life. Years of abuse, neglect, and being taken advantage of will create a hard shell almost impossible for anyone to break. 20 something Mellie, take a hold of your life and seek the help you need to heal the past pain so that it does not carry on in life.

Learn to let go, forgive and to love again so that your heart and soul can be healed earlier. There are good things waiting for you in your mid 30's and life will change more than you know. But learn to love and forgive earlier than your 30's so that time does not pass you by.

20 something Mellie, your answers and healing are not in the bottle of Vodka that you hold. Rather your healing is in learning to care for your body mind and soul. Stop making food your enemy, understand that food is your fuel for you body and you should only want to put the best in it. Your relationship with food does not need to be centered around your highs and lows of your mood. Start working out, start eating right, seek counseling for your inner sadness and learn to love yourself. Your past is not your fault.

20 something Mellie, wear sunscreen.... all the time! Tell people you love that you love them every chance you get no matter how many times you repeat it. Appreciate who you are as a person and appreciate that you matter in this world. Understand that all things are meant to be and even if you think your world is being shattered better things will come for you later. Stay strong, get healthy and love yourself every day!

Big things will happen for you and you WILL make a difference in lives.... keep going 20 something Mellie but love yourself too.

Love,

30 something Mellie.



No, I have not fallen off my rocker. :) A questions came to my mind this am while I was on my treadmill and I asked myself... if I had a chance to go back and talk to 20 something Mellie... what would I tell her. So I decided to write about it.

I wonder what your letter to your 20 something would look like?

Have a fantastic day!

491 days

Something has been catching my eye these past few weeks.  I get a glimpse of it and I have to look twice.  I see it and my mind does not register the site before me.  I study the view and ask myself "When did this happen and what does the future hold?"


My hands, my hands are aging.

I keep telling myself the reason the look of my hands is different is due to my workouts, my body is responding to that.  Much like the definition I am seeing in my shoulder blades, triceps and biceps my hands are changing too.  But today, while I was at the gym it hit me... hard.  My hands are getting older.  

For years my hands have looked a certain way and now the look I am use to is leaving me.  I feel like my hands are an advertisement to my age, screaming out... "She is almost 40, she is almost 40!"  Like somehow my life is going to change when the morning of that day,  491 days from now, arrives.

The fact is, I AM getting older.  My body is showing signs of it and there is no getting around it.  I may not have the plump skin of a 20 year old girl, the smooth wrinkle free face that they have, or even the ability to put on the cute and innocent charm anymore.  But what I do have is this......
         
            Knowledge
            Strength
            Wisdom
            Appreciation
            Mistakes
            Drive
            Love

None of these things I had at 20 years old or even in my early 30's.  I have learned so much about myself in this journey I started almost two years ago and I learn more everyday in the eyes of my husband, my children and my clients. This kind of learning and self awareness is amazing and has certainly been worth the wait.

So yes, my hands are getting older... my body is getting older... my soul is getting older.... but I am on a path in life that has me learning and appreciating everyday and all the good that comes from it and I feel younger then I ever have before. 



 

Dang YOU additctions.......

Addictions come in every form and every walk of life.  We have SO many in this world it is amazing to me that we are all still functioning... but I guess that is the point.... most of us are not truly functioning and living life to the fullest.

Addictions:  Drugs, Alcohol, Food, Shopping, Sex, Porn, Sleep, Sugar, Carbs, Prescription Drugs.. This list goes on and on and I truly believe one addiction is not worse then another and they all stem from the same thing.  Self Doubt and Evil.

As a trainer and a nutrition coach food is the BIGGEST addiction I see my clients go through, some of them do not even know they have an addiction but I watch and learn their patterns and can see where they are struggling.  It is my job to not only help them through this addiction but get them mentally on the right path.

I have a food addiction.  When I get hurt, upset or get into a disagreement with someone I turn to food.  I go into what I call "Auto Pilot Mode" and find myself in my pantry or my fridge looking for food to eat.  A chip here, a piece of toast there, some fruit, before I know it I can be off my calorie goal by over 500 just trying to cope with the mental issues I am facing.  THIS IS AN ADDICTION that I struggle with and try and learn from.

I have a client who comes home from work, if I do not get her in the right mind set on the way home, will go home and decompress with food.  I hear the same thing from her she "just does it."  She did it when she was in High School and she continues the pattern in her adult life.

I have another client who stays up late at night, or if she can not sleep, and she watches Home Shopping Network.  She not only buys things she does not need, she eats.  A yogurt here, a bowl of cereal, she has the same issues... food addiction (and shopping)

It is a terrible cycle that most of us can relate with and it's my hope for ALL my clients and friends that they can be honest with me and share their weaknesses and addictions so I can share with them the tools they need to get over it.  It will never go away, but we can silence it and control it.

We all need help in our lives and we all need support from others, we just have to come out of the shadows and ask.

I work on my addictions everyday.  I tell myself I am strong, I can beat the feeling I am having at that very moment that is pushing me to fail and I can find strength in numbers.  I also tell myself this is EVIL trying to take over me and push me into failure.  Evil wants me to fail, Evil wants me to beat myself up and Evil wants me to doubt my every move.

Well.... Evil.... YOU WILL NOT WIN.

I CHOOSE TO WIN
I CHOOSE TO LIVE HEALTHY
I CHOOSE TO BE MENTALLY FIT
I CHOOSE TO KICK YOUR ASS!

I AM A WINNER...... and my clients are too.