I was a pretty good softball player between the ages of 9-13. My position was short stop and rover, I would jump from either side of the pitcher's mound depending on where the batter usually hit. (determined if we played them previously in the year) I wasn't afraid of that big ball coming at me. I would get down in front of the ball, drop to my knees if it was a grounder and give it my all to stop the runner. My brother use to take me out to the backyard and hit grounders and pop up balls over and over again at me so that I could run at it in full force with no fears. Our neighborhood in the summertime use to play softball nightly in the back field of our house till it was so dark none of us could see anymore. Man, I love that game!
The one downfall to it all was batting. Batting was another issue all in itself with me. I had a strong swing at a very young age, my coaches knew and I knew it. But I lacked one thing, confidence. I would get up to the batters box and fear would over come me. By time I reached my side of the batters box my hands would be sweating and I would have the shakes. It overcame me each and every time. 80% of the time I either walked, by the grace of a terrible pitcher, or I would strike out. When I struck out I felt as if I had let my whole team down and was a failure. I would go sit back on the bench and feel horrible about my lack of performance because I knew I was a strong batter and could do better.
In practice my coaches, or our own pitcher, would pitch to me and majority of the time I would hit the ball. Not only did I hit the ball I would hit it out into left field over the heads of my team mates, it was incredible to watch. Swing after swing I would hit that ball with all my might and watch it fly out there. Each time I hit the ball, my confidence would rise higher and higher and I would tell myself that THIS week was going to be different, I was going to get up to that plate in a game in do what I knew I could do... hit the DAMN ball!
Each week, however, I would get the same butterflies as I would see my name on the batting order sheet and as my time approached self doubt would enter my mind again and once again I would go up there and usually strike out.
I never understood at that point in my life how powerful the mind is and when we let self doubt enter our minds it is a destruction like no other. Even now, at 37 years old self doubt creeps into my mind and takes over and destroys what I work so hard for.
Sometimes I will be at the gym working out and my husband will rack a weight amount for me to do and I look at and the first thing out of my mouth is "I can't do that!" Why is is that we doubt ourselves before we even try? Why is it that we allow failures in the past to control our future successes? I know in my mind I could have played softball all through Junior High and High School, I had a talent but I allowed self doubt to take over and stop me dead in my tracks.
I refuse to allow that anymore! I keep saying I am going to get my body to a certain fitness level and I keep saying I am going to get certified to be a trainer and I keep saying I am going to do my own business. I keep saying these things as self doubt creeps into my head each time, at all times and today I am saying this to my self doubt:
"You will not control me any longer!"
I WILL be at my fitness goal!
I WILL be a trainer and a life coach!
I WILL have my own business!
I WILL no longer let self doubt control me!
If I can fight this self doubt that I have had in my life for 30 some years, you can too! Do today what you have doubted you could do, we all have it in us we just need to say to ourselves one day... "enough is enough!"