Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Forgiveness of yourself and of others

Every day is a brand-new start! We can let go of yesterday's disappointments and give God a chance to do something wonderful for us today.

Each day is a new day and a new chance to better myself. Sometimes I can find myself stuck in my own head re-living a time or event in my past that has hurt me. I am not sure why my mind does this to itself but it happens all the time. I can sit and live the pain over and over again and if I am not careful it can really take off and disrupt my day.

This is not how I strive to spend my days or live my life. I think, for me, it's my subconscious trying to come to terms with the pain I have experienced and some part of that pain is still unresolved.  So I go over it and over it without even really thinking about it trying to fix it or resolve it.

God gave me the incredible ability to forgive.  Sometimes my forgiveness that I am able to demonstrator surprises me.  However, as I get closer with God I am learning that HE is allowing me to put the wrong doing out of my mind and He takes it and deals with it.  Maybe he does not deal with it in the manner I think should be or in the time frame but he has given the gift of forgiveness and allows me to let go.

But what I have came to learn and understand this past year of my life is that sometimes I will not be able to come to terms with a painful memory.  There are events that I just can not change and can not make sense of and the only thing I can do is give the pain that lingers away...... to God.

It has been a hard lesson for me to come to grips with but I'm learning that if I just turn my pain, my sorrow, my confusion, frustration over to God and tell Him to take it and deal with it I can find the peace I have been searching for.

This does not mean I have given it all over to God, it only means I am able to accept it, understand and recognize it.  I am a work in progress.  I am like the construction on a freeway, it never seems to end.  But I know that if I just take it day by day.... moment by moment... and I keep reminding myself.. Give it to God.... one day I will be free of it and I will live the life I was meant to live.

I only have one life.  I do not want to live it angry, biter, upset, sad or as a victim.  I want to live it like it was meant to be lived... full.  Full of joy, full of love and full of great memories.

Thank you God for the ability to forgive and for taking my problems that are just too big for me.


One step forward or two steps back!

Make a plan and work your plan.

This has been something I have been telling myself for the past three years while on this journey to get healthy.  But no matter how much planning and coordinating you do, life happens and something gets in the way.  I have had to learn to be flexible and adjust my plans while still focusing on the goal for the day.

My daily goals do not change that much and are pretty simple.

  • Take care of my family
  • Read the Word of God
  • Eat my meal plan
  • Work
  • Workout
  • Make sure my husband and I have "our time" 
My day is pretty much the same thing everyday there are not many changes.  But what DOES happen is life.  By that I mean, someone will throw up on the floor, someone forgot to bring something to school and needs it rushed over to them, someone has to go to the doctor, someone needs to be taken here or there.  It's these little things that come up, what seem like daily, that can really throw a person off from their plan and make them throw in the towel.  This is where I have to yell at myself and remind myself that this is about me too.  I deserve to be healthy and I deserve to have the time I need to ensure MY goals for the day are met.

A perfect example was yesterday.  I was on the phone with my husband and we were planning what time we were going to meet for the gym that night.  Our local gym has been closed this week for a remodel, so that has challenged us to have to go to another one.  The other location is close to my husband and his work but is not for me.  The time that I leave for the gym the traffic on the freeway at that hour is usually a mess, so it's suddenly a big deal trying to get there.  But I know I have to get it done.

As I hung up the phone I get a call from the school, my 4 year old has thrown up in his classroom and needs to be picked up.  At that VERY moment my 16 year old, who is in his room because he was not feeling well starts to throw up.  Great, I think to myself... there goes by babysitter.  I can not take the three little kids to the gym now and they have no one to stay home with.  I text my husband and his response is "No gym tonight then."

Any normal person would think okay I'll just go tomorrow... but I WANTED to get to the gym.. I NEEDED to workout... I was getting to that gym if I had to crawl there!  Eventually I got everything worked out and everyone was taken care of and my husband and I were able to go and get our workout done.

My point is that when life hits you and it hits you hard you have to decide if you are going to let life control you... or are you going to control life?  It would be very easy to have just said I will go another day, but that did not help me meet my goals for the day.  Instead I took control of my life, worked out the kinks and went on with the rest of my day and achieved my punch list..... and it felt GREAT!

Try not to let life run you, take YOUR life by the reigns, ask God for guidance and do what you need to do to be successful in your marriage... weight loss... getting tone.... work... relationships..what ever it is for you.  You have the power to be successful you just have to want it bad enough!

Make it a GREAT day today!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Wow, it's been awhile

It has been so long since I have posted on my blog, but today while I was getting ready I decided it was time for me to make the time again and get back into my blog.  I think I was my facebook post that I made today:

Today I am thankful to be 88 days from turning 40 years old! I may not be in my 20's, my skin may not be as tight as it use to be, I may have wrinkles, I may not have the look of wonder anymore. But what I do have is knowledge, depth, the ability to forgive, a true understanding of REAL love, the ability to care for someone other than myself, a relationship with God and a true appreciation for life itself. I do not fear 40, I welcome it with open arms and thank God that He has allowed me to live this long and learn so much about life. I am grateful.

So I decided to pull out my letter that I wrote to 20 something Mellie.... :)

Dear 20 something Mellie,

You are blessed with two beautiful boys who right now you are molding into becoming wonderful and responsible men. You're doing a great job raising your boys on your own and when I say you will be proud when they are in their teens is an statement no words can fully explain, you will beam with pride.

Life is going to be hard for you personally even more so than it is at 20 something. Your take control attitude will do right by you but will also hinder many opportunities in your life. Years of abuse, neglect, and being taken advantage of will create a hard shell almost impossible for anyone to break. 20 something Mellie, take a hold of your life and seek the help you need to heal the past pain so that it does not carry on in life.

Learn to let go, forgive and to love again so that your heart and soul can be healed earlier. There are good things waiting for you in your mid 30's and life will change more than you know. But learn to love and forgive earlier than your 30's so that time does not pass you by.

20 something Mellie, your answers and healing are not in the bottle of Vodka that you hold. Rather your healing is in learning to care for your body mind and soul. Stop making food your enemy, understand that food is your fuel for you body and you should only want to put the best in it. Your relationship with food does not need to be centered around your highs and lows of your mood. Start working out, start eating right, seek counseling for your inner sadness and learn to love yourself. Your past is not your fault.

20 something Mellie, wear sunscreen.... all the time! Tell people you love that you love them every chance you get no matter how many times you repeat it. Appreciate who you are as a person and appreciate that you matter in this world. Understand that all things are meant to be and even if you think your world is being shattered better things will come for you later. Stay strong, get healthy and love yourself every day!

Big things will happen for you and you WILL make a difference in lives.... keep going 20 something Mellie but love yourself too.


30 something Mellie.

No, I have not fallen off my rocker. :) A questions came to my mind this am while I was on my treadmill and I asked myself... if I had a chance to go back and talk to 20 something Mellie... what would I tell her. So I decided to write about it.

I wonder what your letter to your 20 something would look like?

Have a fantastic day!