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Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

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Monday, March 4, 2013

The Love Dare-Day Two

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.  

Love is Kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32

Kindness is a love action.  If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive change.  The Bible key in this day's challenge is on the importance of kindness: "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  so you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man."  (Proverbs 3:3-4) Kindness is broken down into four basic core ingredients:
  • Gentleness:  When you are operating from kindness, you're careful how you treat your spouse. You're sensitive.  Tender. You speak the truth with love
  • Helpfulness:  Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights.  Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, the motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met-even if his own are put on hold.
  • Willingness:  Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. 
  • Initiative:  Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step.  The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, and forgives first.
The bible describes a woman whose husband and children bless and praise her.  Among her noble attributes are these:  "She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is her tongue" (Proverbs 31:26)  How about you?  How would your husband or wife describe you on the kindness meter? How harsh are you? How grateful and helpful? Do you wait to be asked, or do you take the initiative to help? It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings.  Rather love, determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.

My hubby and I did this challenge a few days ago, but have not blogged about it because it was our weekend.  

In addition to not saying anything negative towards him I needed to do one thing unexpected to show an act of kindness.  On this challenge rather than getting him a trinket or treat I decided that I would show my kindness towards him by sending him an email telling him how I felt about him.  So while he was out of the office running errands, I sent him a message.

This chapter really speaks to me because I really try and show my kindness to my hubby.  However there are times that I may say something to my hubby and unknown to me there is a tone in my voice that can set him off.  This actually happened over the weekend.  

My hubby was looking to me for some feedback, I started to give that feedback and then pause because I had a sudden urge that I was going to faint.  When he realized I had paused he questioned me and I answered back that I was light headed.  However, my tone to him did not display kindness it was quick and sharp to his ears and this upset himIt is NEVER my intention to speak with tone or rudeness to my hubby, sometimes I open my mouth and the sound of my mother comes out.  I understand this and I recognize it and try and be aware of it when I speak.

I have learned over this past year that not matter what, if I just lower the volume of my voice when speaking to my hubby it can really change the delivery of my message to him.  When I am louder in my talk even if I am not raising my voice it affects him like I am and causes him to shut down the communication. 

Reading how you break down the kindness in four basic core ingredients I can see a few areas that I as a person need to continue to work on.  I am moved with compassion when I am with my hubby and things are good.  I honor him and love him and cherish him.  When things are at a struggle is where I need to continue to improve.  It is easy to be in love and happy when things are going well, it's another thing when you are being tempted by evil and challenged on your every move.  This is where I need to enforce the core basics of love, when the roses are not blooming in our marriage.

Challenge is never going to leave our marriage, we are two people with our own ideas, our own thoughts and our own needs.  But the KIND of challenges that we face can change.  I no longer want to live in fear.  I no longer want to live in the darkness of a lack of trust.  I no longer want to live in the pain of the past.  This is my chance to arise out of the darkness and bring my marriage to a new level of happiness and security.

There is a saying.... "God wants you to hit rock bottom so He can show you He is the rock."  

I know God is my rock, I know that there is no where else to go but up in my marriage because there is no other place I choose to go but than up.  I pray for the knowledge to do what is right for me and for my hubby in our marriage and I pray that together we will take each day as a new day to show each other how we can out love and out respect each other from the day before.  

You speak the truth in love.  You honor one another with the truth.

FYI... the unexpected gesture from my hubby was he posted this video on my Facebook wall, which I loved and appreciated:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw&feature=share&list=FLy2WfZtoIuhpkYv_wWqRhpQ


I have high expectations of myself. I always have. I place higher expectations on myself than anyone else I know. Yes, I have failed them at times--even some of the most basic expectations as a human being. Sometimes, I think, when you are shooting for the stars, you also have to remember to stay grounded in reality--do the right things. No just the dramatic "right things", but the mundane. The "when no one is looking" right things. At times, this can be harder than it may sound, but I have learned that being able to do the right things when no when is looking, when no one would find out that you didn't, is the true test of character.

I can be very impatient. I expect answers and information quickly. This works well, generally, in a work environment. I believe people understand that I do not accept excuses, but I will be there to support them as they reach new highs they never even thought possible.

In a marriage--not so much. My wife (and family) are not employees of mine. While I have toyed with the idea of giving my wife a quarterly review, something tells me I better come up with a better plan. Wherein an office environment I appreciate efficiency and results (if you have a question, ask it--if I need the long story behind it, I will ask you), I am learning that in a relationship the opposite is true.

I think what I have truly learned can be condensed down to: in a relationship, the answer is not nearly as important as the process; the result is not as important as taking the time to listen to my wife, understand what she is saying to me and communicating to me, and often times it is taking the time to listen and understand, that she is truly seeking. The answer, often times, is secondary.

So to me, Love is Kind means to me....Love invests the time. The time to be there for my wife, even when I really want to see the instant replay that her head is blocking. Taking the time to be there for my kids, when all I really want to do is lay down on my bed and decompress.

I think when I invest the time in my wife to be there for her emotionally, I will have less nights of me waking up in the middle of the night with her staring at me, and more nights of peaceful sleep for both of us.

For me, investing the time in my wife is the greatest love I can show her, and "time" is a seed for the other 4 basic ingredients.

Plus, that's why I pay for a DVR.......in case my show gets interrupted!



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