Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Friday, June 26, 2015

What Dreams May Come....

I believe in God. 

In that belief comes the understanding there is one road that we all go down and we ultimately choose the path that will lead us to Heaven or Hell.  I do believe in these two destinations and I do believe in Evil in this world. Regardless if I go to Church or not these beliefs are a part of my true core as a person.

Do I live the life that God wants me to live?  No.
Do I worship the way that God expects me to?  No.

I know my relationship with my God is far from where I want to to be and far from where HE wants me to be and it is never far from my mind.  I know I am a good person and I know I live a decent life with morals and family values.  I have many areas that do not please God and it's up to me to work on those areas.

Last night I was asleep in my room. Elianna was asleep on the floor next to me and Reuben was on the floor at the foot of my bed.  I recall falling asleep and the only thing I can recall being on my mind was the events of the weekend for the kids and how I was going to manage to get it all done.

Somewhere during my sleep I became aware that I could not move my body.  I was awake in my mind but I could not get my body to respond.  I was in a dark room filled with this piercing sound ringing in my ears.  It was the sound of an animal being hurt and screaming in pain and the low roar of a noise I can not explain.  It was constant and it was loud.  I remember yelling at myself "Michelle, wake up, this is not real you are dreaming."  But nothing was getting me out of that moment.  As the noise continued on and fear grew inside me I came face to face with a floating image.  It was not like a head, like in the movies, it was the outline of a face with eyes, a mouth and a nose and it scared me.  It was not a face of peace but a face of evil.  I recall screaming at at and still trying to wake myself up.  I could hear my outer voice moaning in my sleep and crying out as the screams and roars in the room I was in got louder.  Then the next thing I knew there was a hand on my arm, my reality arm not the dream arm, and I could hear someone saying "Don't go, you are not meant to be there.  You will be okay,  open your eyes Michelle I am here right with you." My eyes opened immediately and I jolted my body over to see who was touching my arm.  No one was there. Both kids were still asleep.  As I looked around my room in fear and confusion I began to sob.  Then my fears became more elevated,  I saw the face again.  It was over my bed and it was right in front of me.  For the few seconds it was there I told myself it was not real and it was my imagination.  It did not move it simply was there in front of me and I quickly came to the understanding I was awake and this was real.  I began praying The Lords Prayer.  By the time I began the prayer a second time the image passed the side of me and disappeared into the wall next to my bed.  I leaped out of my bed and moved to the end of my bed to look at the wall to try and understand what I saw.  Standing in the dark of my room and in the silence of the night with the only sound of my crying and my son snoring I fell to my knees and continued to cry.

I spent many more hours awake last night praying the same prayer over and over again till I eventually fell asleep but it is not far from my mind today and the fear it caused is still alive in me.  Change needs to happen because evil is trying to consume me.

One of my favorite movies is What Dreams May Come.  In part of the movie Annie, the wife and mother of the movie,  is unable to cope with the loss of her husband and decides to commit suicide. Chris, (her husband who has died in a car crash) is initially relieved that her suffering is done, but grows angry when he learns that those who commit suicide go to Hell; this is not the result of a judgment made against them, but rather their own tendency to create "nightmare" afterlife worlds based on their pain. Chris is adamant that he will rescue Annie from Hell, despite Albert's insistence that no one has ever succeeded in doing so with a suicide. Chris sets out to search for Annie's soul and in the end saves her from the Hell she has put herself in.

As I sat and recalled the events of last night this movie came to my mind for many reasons. 

I have no idea what this all means and I am sure many will think I am one step from falling off the edge of reality but I know this happened and it was real.  Was it a sign that my life is not where it should be?  Was it a message that I am too close to darkness and it's waiting for me?  What does it all mean and why did it happen to me?  Perhaps it's telling me it's time to save myself......


https://video-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xat1/v/t42.1790-2/11264442_869756173062190_2036796296_n.mp4?oh=a18763bd24d3e5a12faa2227fe42d269&oe=558DB93B

Monday, June 1, 2015

I am.....


If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards.  The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think.  It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.

I am....... worthy

I have a girlfriend who I am very close with, she knows more about me than most other people do.  She has seen me at my weakest, strongest, ugliest and at my best.  She is never judgmental and is always supportive.  She is very wise when she gives me encouragement and advice.  I truly love this woman and all that she gives to me and I try and do the same for her at any given moment.

The one thing she can not give me, however, is understanding of being worthy.

Just like me she can have issues in her life, marriage and career.  I try and support and counsel her on these areas when she is in need, just as she does for me. When she is low I try and pick her up, when she is high I celebrate with her, when she is alone I try and remind her she will never be alone.  But the one thing I can not give her either is the understanding of HER being worthy.

Why is so so difficult to understand our own self worth?  What happened in our lives that makes us think, deep down in the darkness of our feelings, we do not deserve to feel a certain way or take a certain path in our lives?  Why are we so quick to put ourselves down and tell ourselves, in maybe different ways, that we are not worthy?

When I pulled this card out of my little bag this morning my first thought was I wasn't  worthy and I felt sad.  But why is that?  Why do I tell myself that?  Is it because I grew up in an unstable family that was emotionally and physically hard?  Was it because I allowed myself to be in relationships where people, friends included, can just take from me what they need and want and then walk away as if I was nothing to them at all?  Is it because I have been in failed romantic relationships that I did not walk away from until it go so bad there was nothing left of ME?  Is it because I did not grow up with a father and have always felt not good enough, even after I located him and told him about myself?  Could it be these circumstances?

Probably.

I would say these are good reasons to not feel worthy about myself.  As I am sure THOUSANDS of other people have their own trials and tribulations that make them feel not worthy.

So the question is now this..... how do I change this?  Because as I sit here and type this blog I KNOW I am worthy.  Not only am I worthy because I am a child of God, I am worthy because....... I just am.

I have every chance in this world as other people do.  I may have had a rough childhood and have had some tough times in my life but it has gotten me to this point and I am still here and I am still going.  I just need to remind myself that I am worthy and live each day or every moment having that in the forefront of my mind.  I will not be put off to the side, I will not be treated poorly, I will not be taken advantage of and I will not live in the darkness of thinking because of other people's decisions THEY make equates me to not being worthy.

I have done things to myself to allow me to get to this point.  I have allowed my own limited vision of myself enable me to be overwhelmed and hold myself back from reaching my goals or trying.  I have allowed my own dark feelings to prevent me from seeing the good in life.  I have focused too much time on what I don't have or what I have lost and failed to allow myself to celebrate who I am today. 

Recently, I had the wind knocked out of my soul and as I laid on the ground in my closet crying in the dark I heard myself saying.... "You must be the worst person in the world since this is happening to you."  But the reality is I am not, and what had occurred was not my fault or a result in any actions I had taken.  I had nothing to do with the pain I was only the one on the reviving end of it. So as I wiped my tears and shoved the hurt away I told myself.. I was worthy of happiness and happiness I would have come hell or high water!

I am a strong woman.  I am loyal.  I am smart.  I am honest.  I am trustworthy. I am funny and I have the ability to help motivate and encourage others.

I am..... worthy!

Friday, May 15, 2015

Days of Gratitude... Day nine!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!

I hope you will join me!

Day 9: Small steps to find gratitude

I am learning for myself through this process finding things or situations to be more grateful for is also allowing myself to be happier, and more satisfied with everything going on around me. With all the stress, the disappointments and all the anxiety that can surround our lives I know for myself I ask in the midst of these hard times: 

“How exactly can I be more grateful with my life?”

Some days I find myself going through the motions of repetitive activities and boring tasks to get through my day. But being a mindless zombie can make us more likely to take things for granted. Instead of doing something just for the sake of doing it, I have been trying to actually make an effort to savor and enjoy the moment. 

Yesterday I had to attend a work meeting. I told myself I was going to go into the meeting not worrying about the time is was taking away from my tasks but rather appreciate the time that each person in the meeting put into for ME. I absorbed the meeting and was thankful for the time. 

I had plans to go to the gym, I had been looking forward to it all day. My workout partner got sick, my kids were tired and crying and wanted to stay home and I had came down with a splitting headache. Instead of getting upset with myself and the circumstances because I was not going to the gym I savored the moments with my kids instead. I even put myself to bed early and shut out all stress and anxiety. I allowed myself to care for my body and soul and gave forgiveness and thanks to my life.

I'm learning that feelings of gratitude is a direct manifestation of our environments. If we feel more driven, more passionate, and more alive, we are also bound to appreciate more, live more, and be more content.

Immerse your day and surroundings with quotes of gratitude. Meditate on thoughts of gratitude in your life. Hang sayings or pictures in your home and car so you are reminded of them at every turn.

In my bedroom I have to sayings on my wall. Each time I go into my room it's a habit for me to read both of them. I don't even think about it anymore it just happens. Subconsciously I am reminding myself of these two thoughts thus being grateful for the woman I am and what I bring to the world.

Make it a day of gratitude for YOU! 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Days of Gratitude... Day eight!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!

I hope you will join me!

Day 8: Sharing your gratitude with others

Today’s challenge is all about spreading gratitude. There is an old saying, you get more of what you GIVE away... this is so true in all case and especially with gratitude.

Today I was contacted by a friend via text who shared with me how "Mellie's Days of Gratitude" inspired her and her family to make one small change in gift giving to help a family member out in need. She expressed to me how thankful she is for her health and the ability to help this family member as well as being thankful for the reminders in these posts. She went on to say it is helping her with her small children as well. Together they read what Mommy is grateful for and now the kids are going to be making their own list of gratitude.

Wow!

This communication this morning inspires our challenge for the day and how we can spread the word to even more people around us. We can always find gratitude and it only takes a few small things to share it.

Here are a couple quick tips:

Share with your friends on Facebook or twitter what you are most thankful for today and ask them to share what they are most thankful for. The best part is if this is what you choose to do, you can just click on this post below and share it on your page or on the page of someone who might be struggling.... simple!

Sharing gratitude, like a smile, can become infectious. The more you share it the more it comes back to you!!

You could also send out a group text (most of you know how much I LOVE those and use with my people I am trying to help with getting healthy) stating what you are most grateful for and ask your friends what they are most grateful for today.

Reach out to friends, families and co-workers and let them know what you are grateful for and ask them to respond. It can open doors, minds and hearts and really have an impact on someone out there who may need it today!

Lets spread some gratitude.

I'll go first- Today I am grateful for the opportunities I am given to chase my dreams both by God, the support of my family and friends and am forever grateful to have been born in a country that gives me these rights!

What are you grateful for today and how many people can you ask today?
~Mellie





Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Days of Gratitude... Day seven!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!
I hope you will join me!

Day 7: New Beginnings

I am a firm believer in everyday is a new opportunity to have a new beginning at your life.  The past is the past and today is the day.  You have new goals each and every morning when you wake up, regardless if they are big or small.  You have a new opportunity to be a better version of yourself than the day before.  You have a new chance on being even more happy or making others more happy in your day.  I lay my head down and night and say my prayers, ask for forgiveness for any wrong doings and ask for new strength and guidance in the dawn of the new day.

I'm grateful for this because I am able to grow and develop more each day. Today offers new insights and possibilities to try again.

Today is YOUR new day, make the most of it!

~Mellie



Days of Gratitude... Day six!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!

I hope you will join me!

Day 6: Gratitude and Grace.

Today I want to talk about gratitude and grace. Grace is a disposition to be generous or helpful to others in this case.

When the feelings of gratitude and grace combine something remarkable happens. You get out of yourself and start putting your energy into others. Why is this important?

When we take a step away from ourselves or we stop internalizing everything we do or that is done to us we begin to be free. What I mean is we stop worrying, stop obsessing and stop fearing about or world and we start living.

Being in a state of gratitude and or a state of grace in itself is a place of calm and gentleness. A place in which we are wrapped in a blanket of Gods love and can be the start of something beautiful in your life.

I write about this today because I feel I am most in need of both grace and gratitude. So my challenge to you and to myself for the rest of today and the rest of the week is to be in awe of God's grace for us and to feel grace in our own world to share that grace with those around us and to be grateful in doing so.

Days of Gratitude... Day five!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!

I hope you will join me!

Day Five: For the past 5 years I have been helping people get healthy. I help them with food, workouts, self esteem and mentally changing who they are. Some are successful and some walk away because THEY are not ready for the change in themselves. 

Day 5 of gratitude is about our self love. List 5 things you LIKE about YOU! Not what people say about you but how you feel about yourself. 5 positive attributes about your body, your personality or your life. (There is no right or wrong ~ this is for you)

So many times I hear people tell me how they hate things about themselves, no worries I am guilty too. So many times I hear them list all the things they want to change, all the things they hate seeing in the mirror or all the things they hate about their feelings. This is perfectly normal but if we only focus only what we do not like we are going against the ability to REALLY change.
It was a cold morning when I decided many years ago I was going to change something about myself to improve on my relationship at the time. I was only sitting in negativity beating myself up over what was wrong, so I decided that day I would only think positive about the situation. Things really took a turn and began to improve for me.

We all want to be better, we all have things we are currently working on to improve and we all want to change things about our bodies. But we have to learn to love ourselves first, REALLY love yourself, and this is when change really happens.

List the 5 things you like, hang them up next to your gratitude list from day one and read that list daily. Remind yourself of all the good things about yourself and really learn to love who you are and the body you are in.

Feel free to share your list here if you would like.

Make it a great day!



Days of Gratitude... Day four!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!
I hope you will join me!


Day FOUR: Today I just want us to remember to find gratitude in hidden little places. Not all days show us gratitude in an easy noticeable way. Some days, honestly, I don't feel grateful at all I can struggle just to get through my day with all it's challenges and emotions.

These days are the days when we all need to seek out gratitude the most, by looking around at the little things. When you have a day you don't feel like getting out of bed or those days when you wish we had never gotten out of bed... these are the days gratitude can become a very compelling tool that can make a great impact on our overall well being. It's such a cliche to say but start with the fact that you were ABLE to get out of bed. Find the silver lining in your hard day knowing you were allowed another day with your family and friends. Be thankful for your health, even if you deal with chronic pain or a disease....you're still here and fighting. If dealing with troubles in relationships, be thankful for new beginnings or try and focus on the good memories to allow yourself peace and grace towards the other person.

Gratitude does not have to appear on a billboard, it doesn't need to be a life changing moment... sometimes it can be quiet thought in our heads to help us remember to be grateful for SOMETHING and to continue to seek out even more little things throughout our day.

Today I am grateful that I woke up. I am grateful I was able to get my littles motivated and moving and off to school on time in a calm and loving way (we were REALLY late this morning) and I am grateful for the laughs in the car on the way to school. Most of all I am grateful for those little tax deductions because THEY are the reason I work so hard, I push myself and thrive to be better and ultimately they are the reward for MY life.

Find your gratitude today and feel free to share with anyone and everyone what it is..so that YOU too can help someone else find theirs!

Days of Gratitude... Day three!



Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!

I hope you will join me!













Day THREE: Re-read your list (out loud) of your 10 things you are grateful for that was created on day 2. THEN Say, text, email or hand write a heartfelt THANK YOU to someone important in your life- regardless if they are a part of your past or current life!

Days of Gratitude... Day two!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!
I hope you will join me!


Day two: Make a list of 10 things YOU are grateful for and HANG that list next to your computer, on your fridge, in your room, on a mirror or wherever you will see it almost everyday and where OTHERS may see it to!


Days of Gratitude... Day one!

Welcome to "Mellie's Days of Gratitude". The following days will hopefully help open your heart to the miracle of gratitude and the amazing changes that can happen when we become more grateful. Sharing this will also help me in many ways too. Life for me is about making a difference, helping someone and paying rent for my space while on this earth. Together we can support, love and honor each other while making small changes, bringing big results!
I hope you will join me!

Day one: Repeat one thing, ten times, that you're grateful for TODAY!


"I am grateful for open talks that bring peace to my heart."~ Mellie

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Whispers... Day 2

I am in a personal growth challenge with some friends of mine.  Here is the back story to that challenge and how it came to be.  The blog that follows my "Ah-ha" moment of the day.  I hope anyone reading this can not only follow along with my thoughts but also find in themselves if they are struggling in this area too.  Thanks for the read!
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A few days ago my girlfriend shared how she was going to make an effort for the next 21 days to limit her negative self talk.  It became clear to me that not only did I need to support her in this decision I needed to participate and share with others too.  So I sent out a group text to several of my friends and family inviting them to join us as well.

The text read:

We are gong to take the next 21 days and limit our negative self talk, the ones in our head and the ones that come out of our mouths.  I am also going to be writing something each day in my journal/blog.  No matter how short or how long I want it to be.  I would encourage you to do the same with me!


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"The first step in any type of self inquiry is recognition. We have to recognize that there are parts of us that need improvement. Despite the desire of many of of us to improve our lives, there is often resistance to the whole process. It's not easy to recognize our faults or weaknesses. Many people go through the greater part of their lives unaware that they may be doing things that are hurting themselves and others. Recognition of personal strengths or weakness is a giant step in the right direction. There is tremendous liberation in the simple realization of why things are the way they are. And some fortunate instances, recognition alone is enough to break through whatever blocks we may have. More often, though, recognition is the critical first step towards transformation. Also, our recognition doesn't have to be Limited to faults. It can be in earnest desire for overall improvement. It can be the recognition of a virtue or strength that we were not fully aware of." -Change your aura Change your life. 

What will be your recognition today? With improvements negative thinking does NOT have to follow. Recognizing our areas of improvement do not have to be deemed negative. We are able, if willing, to find our faults and rather than boast in the negativity of it all we can chose to shine in the understanding and awareness!






I found myself getting caught up in my whispers today. Not whispers of my own but whispers of others rattling in my mind. Threatening the core of my well being at every turn. It dragged me to a place of sadness, doubt and self pity. It made me asks myself questions of why others do things that in the end hurt me? Why do I allow certain toxic people in my life only to get burned by them or called out by them because they think I should live my life a certain way? Why do I allow the spew of someone who is jealous of me affect me in what they think of me? Why do I doubt my own value?

Then it occurred to me....

Real friendships and relationships allow a person be what he or she really is. Most people will love you for who you pretend to be. We sometimes think to keep or find their love, we have to keep pretending. 

We get locked in that image, and it's hard for people to see us any other way. We even get so used to that image we are portraying we grow attached to our own masks. 

We can be lost without out our chains and can forget all about who we really are.

But as I have learned to break free from my mask and chains I have not mastered breaking free from the chains others hold me to. They want me to stay the same so they can feel needed. So they can feel more power or so they can feel like they are better than me to make themselves feel better.

The only power they have is the power I allow them to. 

So I hushed my whispers by reminding myself that I am good enough
I am valuable 
I am enough 
I am worthy of good things and good people 
And those who try and hold me back or try and take what is mine have to be let go in all ways.

My life is about giving, helping and caring for others. But I have to love and care for myself above all.

- Ramblings of a hungry girl! 😃

Defining moments....Day 3

I am in a personal growth challenge with some friends of mine.  Here is the back story to that challenge and how it came to be.  The blog that follows my "Ah-ha" moment of the day.  I hope anyone reading this can not only follow along with my thoughts but also find in themselves if they are struggling in this area too.  Thanks for the read!
**********************************************************

A few days ago my girlfriend shared how she was going to make an effort for the next 21 days to limit her negative self talk.  It became clear to me that not only did I need to support her in this decision I needed to participate and share with others too.  So I sent out a group text to several of my friends and family inviting them to join us as well.

The text read:

We are gong to take the next 21 days and limit our negative self talk, the ones in our head and the ones that come out of our mouths.  I am also going to be writing something each day in my journal/blog.  No matter how short or how long I want it to be.  I would encourage you to do the same with me!


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I want to share something I've never shared with anybody my entire life not even my closest friend knows this about me. It's something I carried around inside with me for many years and never really thought affected me until I decided to change my lifestyle.

Many years ago when I was going through my divorce my ex-husband, in the heat of the fit, told me that I wasn't attractive anymore. He told me the weight that I carried around from the birth of the two babies I had at that point in my life would forever be with me. I would forever be a frumpy girl and no one could possibly love me, I was a fool to be leaving him. Of course I knew that in my heart it would not be true but somehow I took those words to heart, internalized them and I allowed them to subconsciously define me for many years to come.

Every time I attempted to lose weight or get healthy I would recall those words that were etched into my memory and my subconscious. I would begin to believe them all over again. I believed that I would never be healthy, I would never be thin, I would never look like I had always dreamed to look like. That was until I decided I would no longer allow anyone else to define me.

The process did not happen overnight. It took days, weeks, months, and yes, even years to not only let go of those words whispering in my brain, that I had carried around with me far too long, but to allow myself to be successful in this area. Sometimes it was almost easier to fall back on those words than it was to go through the entire process of training due to the dedication it took not only to become healthy, but to actually call myself a winner and to be the fit person I dreamed of being.

Fast forward A few years and that time and struggle seems like a lifetime ago to me. Of course the the early morning cardio sessions, the late-night workouts, the two a days, are all still fresh in my mind and seem like it was just yesterday I was fighting the battle of fat but the words that I allowed to defined me are a faint memory in my mind and no longer control me.

As I sit here today thinking to myself about my own journey and the 21 day challenge of limiting our negative self talk. THIS memory flooded my mind just moments ago to remind me that even though I'm stronger and a better person than I was then. I still allow people to define me I just wasn't accepting it or facing it.

Over the years I have heard certain things about myself from others that I see for the first time today I have allowed to define me. I'm sure if we all took a look at ourselves we would see that we all do in some ways. So much of what you accept is what others will define you as. If you are told look like someone famous, maybe an actress, you might not change your hair because she supposed to be seen as a beautiful person. That's allowing yourself to be defined. If you're told you're cute and have an attractive body, your clothes might get smaller and you might show more. That's allowing yourself to be defined. 

Same with the negative defining. If you're told you play a victim role in your past relationship you probably stomp your feet and disagree but if you really look at yourself are you acting like the victim? Maybe if you're walking around with a sad look on your face or telling anyone who will listen to your side of the story as if to defend yourself then yes, you're playing the victim. You have just let that person define you. 

Since starting this challenge it has made me so aware of the thoughts that roll around in my head. I subconsciously allow people to define me and I believe them and process that negativity in my head and then berate myself. It's not something that I was aware of until today and I certainly don't sit here and beat myself up but when faced with certain situations I react in a private self mutilation of my self esteem. 

Of course there is no quick fix to the solution but what I appreciate about this challenge is that it's brought this to the forefront of my mind. I know that certain things that I do during my normal day, maybe not every day, is affected by what others have said about me in the past and I allowed it to define me in the present. This also leads to living my life in a certain amount of fear... Which is a whole other issue! 😃

I love this quote from Oprah:

"You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script."

What an amazing message! 

-Mellie










Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I am.....Day 1


If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards.  The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think.  It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.

I am....self-accepting


It's amazing to me how things happen and line up exactly the way they are suppose to for us.  Yesterday was a normal day for me, I was focused on working and getting the kids ready for this next week of school and just taking care of things in my household.  The evening started to become difficult.  My mind began racing and my insecurities began to take over my thoughts.  Then one of my dear friends was struggling with a man in her life who basically just tossed her to the side.  Another friend of mine was sharing her recent struggles in her marriage.  It seemed like the night was going to bring me to a place of drama and stress.

However, when talking to the friend who was sharing her marriage issues, she shared how she was going to make an effort for the next 21 days to limit her negative self talk.  It became clear to me that not only did I need to support her in this decision I needed to participate and share with others too.  So I sent out a group text to several of my friends and family inviting them to join us as well.

The text read:

We are gong to take the next 21 days and limit our negative self talk, the ones in our head and the ones that come out of our mouths.  I am also going to be writing something each day in my journal/blog.  No matter how short or how long I want it to be.  I would encourage you to do the same with me!

This this morning, as I said I would, I decided to reach into my I am..... bag and pull out a card to use to blog with.  The one that appears in this blog is the one that I choose.  Amazing how things are lined up for us, are signs from God and can have an impact on our daily lives.

YES!  I am self-accepting.  I accept myself today exactly as I am.  I accept the challenges that can come to me daily and know that if I take them head on, doing the very best I can than that's good enough for me.  I accept that having goals and wanting to change things about my body, my mind, my soul or my lifestyle does not make me weak.  It only shows my strength in my ability to always want to be a better form of myself.  I accept that where I fall short in my life are areas for improvement not for self loathing.  I accept that not all people are going to like me, like my message or like the way I do things and that is okay!  The only one I HAVE to answer to is God and he knows the secrets, struggles and strengths I have in my core and loves me the way I am.

I am self-accepting and today you should be too!

~Make it a great day!




Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Ash Wednesday......

Lent Wednesday
18 February 2015
Ash Wednesday
Psalm 38 Daniel 9.3–6, 17–19 1 Timothy 6.6–19 Daniel 9.3–6,17–19 ‘For your own sake, O my God’ (v.19)
Daniel’s cry is one of real desperation. As if not only he, but the whole city of God, is sinking in quicksand. Floundering is of no avail; no good to clutch at the straws of human righteousness and self-justification. The imperatives tumble over each other. Listen! Let your face shine upon us! Incline your ear! Open your eyes! Forgive! Do not delay! This is an urgent, wholehearted appeal to the mercy of God to save the city and people who bear God’s name.
Anyone who suffers stress, or anxiety, or panic attacks knows the reality of this – how you feel like the foundations of life are no longer there. The more you try to find a secure foothold, the more shaky your hold on your life becomes. When the foundations are undermined, there seems nowhere to turn to escape. The more you struggle, the deeper you go.
It is Ash Wednesday today – a day on which to take seriously the reality of our utter dependence upon God. A day on which to remember how lost we are when we rely upon our own merit and virtue – how quickly things turn to dust and ashes in our hands without the grace of God sustaining and leading us. Let us pray today for a deepened sense of God’s grace throughout the days of Lent ahead, so we come to know more clearly and dearly, and nearly, that sustaining love. Without it, we are already the dust to which we shall return. But not yet, for God’s sake.
COLLECT 
Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing that you have made and forgive the sins of all those who are penitent: create and make in us new and contrite hearts that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may receive from you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who is alive and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. 
~Frances Ward
 This is not my first Lent season in my life.   I have been a "Catholic" now for almost 11 years and have been around the Catholic faith for over 15 years.  But each Lent season comes a better understanding of my faith and of the season itself. 

During mass this morning the Father of my church explained Lent a little different than I had heard in past years.  He explained to us that this was a time of change.  A time to change something about our lives that not only bettered us but also helped us be a steward for our faith.  He went on to say by the end of the 40 days it's OUR goal to be a new improved person with new habits in our lives.

"At the end of the 40 days it is our goal to be a new improved person with new habits in our lives."

This one statement really reached out and grabbed me and took a hold of me.  This was my time to change things about myself and about my life so at the end of the 40 days I could look back and know that I bettered myself, my family and possibly anyone around me who needs help too.

As the scriptures say above... "Daniel's cry is one of real desperation." 

I AM in a position myself of real desperation.  I go through my days by doing the motions of my life.  I do the same thing everyday and I walk around with a smile on my face but my soul is in torment.  My heart is broken and my mind is a scattered mess.  I can sometimes feel myself spinning out of control because of things I have NO control over.   How messed up is that?

This is  day to remind us how lost we are are and how we NEED to rely upon God and His plan for us.  This is a day that I HAVE to finally let go of the things in my soul and heart and move past them and move towards God.  This is a day to stop praying for something to happen and just pray that God will take over.  This is the day to let go, wipe the slate clean and rather than chase something or someone, I need to chase God.

As a person who likes to try and control her surroundings as a defense mechanism, I am the first person who should be letting go of that control and just learning to trust in God.  People are going to lie to me, people are going to hurt me, people are going to think they are getting the better of me.... all of that will happen and continue to happen for the rest of my days on this Earth..... so why fight it?  Why not just learn to stop thinking about it, let it go and give it to God?  It seems so simple, yet it's the hardest thing I have to do for myself.

I am in a position of real desperation and there is NO one that is going to be able to save me. It is a time to look to Him and stop looking to others or to myself for fix me.

As I wear my ashes on my head today and I silently go through my day working, going to the gym and being with my family my words and thoughts will focus on finally letting go.

This season WILL be a time of change for me.

~Mellie




  

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I am.......





If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards.  The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think.  It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.

I am....willing


This can mean so many things and can say so much about my life, I am not sure in what direction I am to go with this card.  If I allow the negative in I think to myself someone would think I am not willing.  That person would say I am not willing to accommodate them or do what they ask or be the person they think I should be.  But I quickly dismiss this from my mind and remind myself that this is not about negative.  This is about being positive and I am.....willing.

My friend and I have been discussing the past few days how to change our lives.  We discuss how she feels when she meets someone new and what her expectations are.  If those expectations are not met right away then she is quick to move on.  Her saying is "BBG" (BITCH be GONE!)

However, it's my thought that if she changes her expectations and she changes the way she allows a person to treat her then this will change the actions that take place.  We were talking last night and I told her she had to do things differently if she expected a different outcome. 

This rings true for me and for everyone.  We all want some change in our lives and we all have this idea of what certain areas of our lives should look like but do we do what is needed to get there?  Are we willing to take new steps to get there or stay stuck in the pattern we have always been in?

For me this card means this... I am .... willing

I am willing to start making the small necessary changes in the areas of my life, my heart and my head, to get me to where I want and think I should be.  I can no longer let myself be sucked into circles of drama.  I can no longer allow what a person says to me cut my deep.  I can no longer put myself out there like I always do to try and save people.  I have to be willing to take new steps to achieve new goals.   This does not mean I cannot still help people, but it does means I don't have to be a doormat for some.  It doesn't mean that I have to inherit everyone's sadness and save them.  It means that I have to draw new boundaries and be willing to take new actions to get new results.

Positive changes aren’t a matter of will.  It's a matter of being willing to do what it takes to get me where I want to be.  When I am not willing, no matter how much I proclaim I am, change will not happen.  I do not need a strong will to succeed.  I only need willingness to whatever is required to make my goals and dreams happen.  I need to be willing to change the way I allow others to treat me.  I have to be willing to work around, go through, over or under any obstacles that get in my way.. Including myself.

Every day we must focus on our purpose and act on our plans.  Just like getting in shape physically I had to make a plan and work my plan.  The same willingness for a positive life has to be endured and the same kind of action plan has to be focused on.

Today I will make a list of things I want to see improved in my life.  It can be anything or everything it is up to me.  I will put that list on my desk, where I will see it every day, and I will read it over and over again.  So that it not only is in the forefront of my mind but I can be reminded of it and reminded that I must be open and willing to the change for it to happen.

No one is going to make my life for me.  No one can save me or make things better.  I have the power and I have the ability I just have to be willing.

I am....willing

Make it a great day! 

~Mellie





Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Time to get back at it.. week two



For many of my friends, family and those who follow me you all know me to be a hard worker.  Someone who gives it her all and goes for it with everything I have.  I tend not to back down from many challenges nor do I back down from anything or anyone coming against me.

As this year comes to a countdown of hours left I have been faced with the reality to really review the last year of my life and evaluate where I was, where I was headed and where I ended up.

As a part of growing up, yes I am still growing at 41, it has came to my realization as of today that I spent most of 2014 chasing things.  People, dreams, expectations and ideas other people had for me.  Some of it was good, some of it was not.  I do not regret the year but I regret what I allowed to fall apart..... my standard of living a healthy life as well as pushing those around me in theirs.

So, I am going to get back on the wagon and force myself to stay on it.  Time to refocus on myself, my fitness and helping those around me.  No more chasing, no more grasping and no more putting myself last.

This upcoming weekend I will do what I have not done in a LONG time... I will cook my food for the week.  I will create my caloric intake and I will create the meals that will get me there.  I will create my plan for my caloric burn to achieve my daily/weekly deficit and I will begin to live the lifestyle I thrive in... a healthy one.

If you find yourself in the same position I am in and if you feel lost, then please... feel free to follow along.  I will TRY and post my weekly menus and workouts so that anyone out there can follow along too.  Make sure you have no food allergies and understand each weight movement.  I am NOT responsible for you if you hurt yourself or if you eat something that makes your face blow up!  I am not offering personal menus for anyone and I can not adjust if you do not like a food.. please do not ask.  I am simply giving you the option to follow along and change your life too.

Isn't it time we start living the lives we were meant to live?

Happy New Year!

~Mellie

***** WEEK TWO*****

Breakfast:
  • 1 cup cooked Bob’s Red Mill Oatmeal
  • 1/3 cup Almond Milk-original
  • ½ cup fruit of any kind
  • 1/2 cup of pumpkin seeds
  • Green Tea, no sugar of any kind added
Am Snack:
  • ½ cup of almonds
  • Green Tea, no sugar of any kind added
Lunch:
  • Mellie’s Chicken & Andouille Soup
  • 1 cucumber
  • 2 oz. almonds
  • Green Tea, no sugar of any kind added
PM Snack:
  • 1 scoop of protein 
  • Green Tea, no sugar of any kind added
(After a weight workout only drink 2 scoops of ARM)
Dinner:
  • Mellie’s Chicken Dinner in a packet
  • 2 cups Broccoli-cooked or raw
  • Green Tea, no sugar of any kind added

PM Snack: (1 hour to 30 min prior to bed)
  • 1 scoop of protein  
Mellie’s Cajun Chicken & Andouille Soup

Ingredients
lb. boneless skinless chicken breast cut into ¾” pieces
8 oz. Andouille or other fully cooked sausage halved lengthwise and then cut into ¼” pieces.
8 cups of low sodium, organic, chicken broth
2 14.5 oz. cans of organic crushed tomatoes
2 cups of organic corn kernels
2 cup sliced fresh or frozen and thawed okra
2 small red onions, chopped
2 green bell peppers, chopped
3 celery stalks, chopped
4 large garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp. Cajun seasoning
Combine all ingredients into a 10-quart or larger slow cooker.  Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours.  Season with black pepper to taste.

 Divide into 7 servings

Mellie’s Chicken in a Packet

7 5-oz boneless skinless chicken breast halves
4 cups sliced fresh organic mushrooms
4 medium carrots, cut in thin strips
2 medium zucchini, unpeeled and sliced
Tbsp. organic olive oil
Tbsp. lemon juice
tsp. dry basil
Black pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 375
Fold 7 12X28 pieces of foil in half to make 7 12x14 rectangles.  Place one chicken breast half on each piece of foil.  Top the chicken in each with mushrooms, carrots and zucchini, dividing the vegetables equally among the chicken bundles.  
In a small bowl, stir together oil, lemon juice, basil and pepper.  Drizzle oil mixture over vegetables and chicken.
Pull up two opposite edges of foil.  Seal with a double fold.  The fold in remaining edges, leaving enough space for steam to build.  Place the bundles side by side in a shallow baking pan.
Bake 35 min