Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Monday, December 31, 2012


Last night I shared my issues with allowing myself to let go of my worries and give it to God.... today the first post I see on Facebook is from Joyce Meyer Ministries and her update says:

"Give God your problems and allow Him to give you solutions."

If that is not a God smack, I do not know what is!!

Last night I was struggling with my worries and with my fears.  I had a small issue arise that set me into my pattern of spinning and letting my mind wonder and take me to a dark place full of fear.  So rather than acting on this emotion I set myself down and wrote a journal about it.  I read some scripture and I prayed, and prayed and prayed.  After only a short time I was able to calm myself down and fall asleep and not obsess over it.  Thank you God!!!

I woke up this morning and for a few moments a few times I thought of this situation again but just told myself "Mellie, let it go... you asked God to take it and take care of it~now let Him do what He has promised to do for you."  with that I have put it out of my mind and my heart feels lighter.

I have to say that even though this was a small accomplishment I am going to celebrate it because I was able to not act on those emotions and I was able to do what I set out to do... keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor praying.  I hope this will be the first of many accomplishments as I learn to grow into a stronger faith and a better relationship with God.

Happy New Year to anyone reading this.  I hope if you struggle with letting things go you will join me in my journey to allow God to handle our problems and for us to become worry free.  See you in the New Year.


Dear 30 something Mellie...

Dear 39 year old Mellie,

This is the last December you will spend in your 30's. soon just like the calendar your age is going to flip into a new number count.

The age you use to fear and joke about is no longer around the bend in the road, it's at the next stop sign.

But Mellie, don't fear your age because it doesn't define you. Being 40 Is going to be a privilege for you. It will mark a new era in your life, a new chapter that will eventually bring you a new sense of peace if you allow it.

In this next chapter of life focus On Your walk with God. Don't wait for someone to lead you to that relationship, go out and seek it on your own. Read God's word daily and learn the scriptures and understand that God loves you unconditionally.

No matter what happens in your earthly life the real purpose is your after life.

Mellie don't spend time worrying about other people whether they like you or not. Some people are just mean spirited and will find reasons to hate on you. Some will be jealous of you, your family, who you are married to and your success. Some will just be mean people. Don't spend time trying to figure it out and fix it. Just let go and move on.

Mellie, life was not meant to be lived in fear. Find your peace and strength in God and allow him to do his work. No matter what may or may not happen to you... You can only control so much. Let go of all that struggle and know no matter what... You will survive.

Mellie many people share with you how proud they are of you or how they admire you for your strength and dedication. Many tell you that you inspire them and they look up to you. HEAR these people and take their words to heart.

You are a good person, a good wife, a good friend and a great mother. Embrace these qualities and let them thrive in your 40's. walk through the 40 year old door with your head up high, a smile on your face and the love of God, family and friends in your heart.

God wants you to realize that you are unique and that He has a unique plan for you. He wants you to recognize that you are a work in progress and that you should learn to enjoy where you are.

Yes, soon you will be 40 and you will be fabulous! Live life happy and to the fullest and surround yourself with people who love and respect you. ... Always.

Happy soon to be birthday Mellie!

Love 39 year old Mellie

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pray about eveything, worry about nothing......

In Joyce Meyer's book called:  Woman to Woman she talks about how God did not fashion woman for worry.  
She quotes a scripture:  Mark 4:19, 

"Then the cares and anxieties of the world and distractions of the age, and the pleasure and delight and false glamor and deceitfulness of riches, and the craving and passionate desire for other things creep in and choke and suffocate the Word, and it becomes fruitless."  

Joyce then goes on and says, 

"God has not fashioned women for worry, care and concern, so cast them off instead of putting them on.  The devil will keep offering them to you, but you don't have to accept them.  Remember that Jesus wants you to cast all your care on Him because He cares for you!"

This is a lesson that I never learned growing up and have spent my entire life dealing with.  I have always worried, I have always been fearful of almost everything in one way or another.  I am sure it stems from my childhood and the lack of support and trust as a child in the adults in my life.  I lived in constant fear of an older sibling who always seemed one step away from going off the deep end.  I learned very quickly and on most occasions publicly that I could not count on my mother or anything she said.  I lived in a state of fear that my mother was going to one day leave us and I felt abandoned not having a father figure in my life.  All this was compounded when at the age of 13 I found myself homeless and having to find a way to survive on my own.  Fast forward 39 years and you get Mellie who worries about EVERYTHING! 

 As of today I still live in a fear of some kind and as much as I am trying, I am finding it hard to shake this.  What makes me so different from other people who are able to just .... "Give it to God?"  How is that others can take their pain, sadness and fear and just hand it over and walk away from it?  On occasions I have been able to give situations to God but the majority of the time it haunts me and I can not let go.  My faith in God is strong and I know this is not how He wants me to live but how do you let it all go? How do you walk away from it and put it out of your mind when the fear is so strong and real?  Is the fear I feel the devil? Are the situations that occur that keep me in this state the devil having a hand in it?  My guess is yes, but even facing that realization I still have not been able to walk away.

I wonder how other people of faith let go of their fear, how do they just "Give it to God" and walk away from it.

I have two friends right now who are my spiritual guides.  I turn to them when my faith is low, when I have fear raging through my mind and when I just do not know how to turn my life over to God.  They are both a HUGE support for me and I really thank them both for this past year and getting me through it. 

One of them tells me all the time that I need to "pray, pray, pray" when situations arise that set my fear off.  I am told that I should ignore the situation and walk away from it so that God will intervene and take care of it.  I am told to keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor in prayer and all will be taken care of in His time.

This is VERY hard for me, those who know me know that (even though I live in fear) I am very strong willed and I am determined to fix "people" or fix "problems" in my life.  I have this NEED to always fix things and make things better for everyone.  But my friend is trying to teach me that this is NOT my job, it is not for me to do and figure out.. it's for me to leave it with God and allow Him to do it.

I have battled this for many months but tonight I finally came to my point where I had to ask myself.... "Mellie, the way you are doing it now, is it working for you?"  Of course the answer is no, it is not.  Doing things half ass never does work for me, so like everything else I am going to do it 100%.  I am going to put my faith in God, I am going to give my troubles-all of them- over to God and I am going to sit with my head high, mouth shut and my knees on the ground in prayer.  I am going to do this because nothing else I have done has worked and I am going to allow God to do His work in His time.

Philippians 4:6 reminds us not to "fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."

The instruction is clear:  Do not take care upon yourself Mellie.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

How to Have the Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed of

I love this article, not because of the title because of how it starts out....

You may be thinking that I’m going to give you some tips on how you can change that husband or wife of yours who desperately needs changing, right?  Well, not really.  I’m going to give you 7 things YOU must do as you strive to have the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. 
-Mark Merrill, focus on the family

I wonder how many people clicked on this article with the intent on hoping to learn something that they could do to CHANGE THEIR SPOUSE?? I bet more than we could count.  I know, I USE to be this kind of person... what can I say to my hubby to make him change?  What can I read to my hubby to make him change?  What can I do to make him change?  Change, change, change... WHY WON'T HE CHANGE??????  Uggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Well, it hit me one day like a brick.. maybe it was ME who needed to change.  Circumstances have came up this past year that have really set me back as a person.  I have been rocked to my core, I have had my feelings shattered and I have been dropped to my knees sobbing and begging God to help me..... then one time while on my knees I realized this is exactly where I needed to be... at the Mercy of God and in a moment where I could reflect on what I needed to do to improve my marriage vs always looking for what my hubby needed to do.

I have always been so quick to be able to point out what someone was doing wrong yet so slow and ignorant on what I was doing to assist that person.  This does not mean that I take full responsibility for other people actions, but it does mean that I have learned and I continue to try and learn how my actions can affect those around me.  Most importantly, my hubby. 

The article goes on to list the 7 things you must do to have the marriage you desire and I agree with all 7 of them and will continue to work on them.

1. You must always make your spouse the top priority in your life.
2. You must serve your spouse, and sacrifice for your spouse, without expectation of anything in return.
3. You must empathize with your spouse. Feel what they feel.
4. You must control your tongue. Use it to build up, not tear down.
5. You must ask for forgiveness and forgive your spouse for any wrongs committed.
6. You must always, always be honest in everything.
7. Must love your spouse to make your spouse lovely

I am thankful for aticles like these not because I seek to find a quick fix for my hubby or my marriage, but it gives me a great reminder that I must learn to fix myself.  I must treat my hubby like I want him to treat me and I must surrender everything I have no control over to God and let him deal with it.  Marriage is hard and when you toss in work, family and money it gets harder and harder.  But I know.. if we can just step back as a couple, remind ourselves that the love we share and the memories we hold are worth the struggle than I know everything will be alright.  

I have the marriage I always dreamed of, now it's up to me to continue to work towards making it better than my dreams!

No tongue shall rise in judgment

I pray that no weapon formed against my husband shall prosper, and that every tongue which rises against him in judgement You, God, shall condemn.

Every tongue..... including my own.

A situation occurred over the weekend with my husband and I and it came down to my husband blurting out.... "I will not be judged by anyone!"  That statement really struck me and stuck with me because he is right, he will not and should not be judged by anyone.  Who are we to cast a judgement on him?  (The people in his life) Are we all perfect, do we walk with God and live a Godly life all the time?  I know I don't.  I feel as if because of our past, our separation earlier this year, I found myself judging his choices and judging how he handled his choices during and after that time.

The bible says:

1 Peter 3:1-22 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.

"Conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."  Passing judgment on my hubby either in words, actions or looks does not honor him and show him my respect for him.  Now, some will say respect has to be earned and I get that but I feel that by showing the respect I will get the respect as well.... my other option is what?  To judge him, put him down, criticize him and leave the door open for Satan to push someone else through the door to adorn my hubby... no thanks!

I really do respect my husband, he is a good strong man.  Yes, he has made mistakes in the past and yes he has hurt me but through it all he continued to strive to learn, and improve himself and you can't say that about every man in this world.  My hubby could have ran from our issues, he could have just gave up and said it was too hard, he could have ran from his mistakes and thought it easier to just put them behind him... but instead he admitted he was wrong and he opened to door to improve himself, our relationship wit God and our relationship with each other.... that is strength.

After our situation this weekend I made sure to reach out to my hubby and share with him how I was feeling.  I sent him this text:

You are my best friend.
You are the love of my life.
I do not want to be anywhere else.
I do not want to be with anyone else.
I admire you.
I look up to you.
I depend on you to help me achieve my goals in life.
I seek your leadership in helping me be a better person.
I don't judge you, but if your perception is that I do, then I will make the changes needed do you don't feel that way.
I think very highly of you as my husband.
We will have our bumps in the road, but with our love, God's presence, we can make it through those bumps and still come out stronger and better.
Everyday I will try and be a better wife for you, for us.

One thing I have learned in my marriage this year is that I have to show, and tell my hubby how much he means to me and how much I respect and admire him.  Men are no different than women.  Woman want to feel beautiful, be told they look good.  Women seek acknowledgment on the work we do around our homes and with our families.  Men are no different.  They want to feel appreciated, looked up to, respected, they want to know that as their wives we depend on them and appreciate the hard work they do to provide the lives we have with them.  Those lives may not be perfect, but they love us and they work hard to give us the lives we want and they think we should have... is it too much to ask to show them our thanks with love and respect... I don't think so.

Tell your spouse today how much you love and respect him, tell him you admire how hard he works.  Share with him how you feel about him being a father to your kids and let him know that no matter what... you don't want to be anywhere else.  Try and do this daily.  

Ephesians 5:33

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Monday, December 3, 2012

10 weeks

Yesterday I started a new 10 week goal with my husband Joe.  We are going to make a strong push together to hit some new weight and body goals.  For me it will be dropping a few pounds I put on in order to try and gain mass, and toning some trouble areas. For Joseph it will be bulking and then doing a final cut.

People call us obsessed, I call us healthy, active and motivated.  There is nothing like having a short term goal to focus on and keep you motivated.  I know when I did the Max Muscle Maxformation 2012 it kept me on my toes daily.  Each day I had to be accountable on line to other participants and I had to be accountable to myself.  Did I do enough at the gym? Did I give it my all? Did I stay on my meal plan?  All these things were always in the forefront of my mind and kept me going.  In addition seeing other people post pictures of their progress or weigh and and see how much weight they lost really kept me going too.

I am excited to being doing this challenge with my husband and my son has kicked in with a side bet.  He is trying to get off junk food for 30 days. One thing you should know about my family... we do not eat a lot of junk food, especially Michael. So this will not be as big as it might be in other families but again, we are just trying to do the best we can and live a healthy life and to make it a little more fun we have put a money bet on it. 

Goals keep you focused.  Partners keep you accountable.  

I am glad to be doing this... let the 10 weeks begin!


Friday, November 30, 2012

Forgiveness of yourself and of others

Every day is a brand-new start! We can let go of yesterday's disappointments and give God a chance to do something wonderful for us today.

Each day is a new day and a new chance to better myself. Sometimes I can find myself stuck in my own head re-living a time or event in my past that has hurt me. I am not sure why my mind does this to itself but it happens all the time. I can sit and live the pain over and over again and if I am not careful it can really take off and disrupt my day.

This is not how I strive to spend my days or live my life. I think, for me, it's my subconscious trying to come to terms with the pain I have experienced and some part of that pain is still unresolved.  So I go over it and over it without even really thinking about it trying to fix it or resolve it.

God gave me the incredible ability to forgive.  Sometimes my forgiveness that I am able to demonstrator surprises me.  However, as I get closer with God I am learning that HE is allowing me to put the wrong doing out of my mind and He takes it and deals with it.  Maybe he does not deal with it in the manner I think should be or in the time frame but he has given the gift of forgiveness and allows me to let go.

But what I have came to learn and understand this past year of my life is that sometimes I will not be able to come to terms with a painful memory.  There are events that I just can not change and can not make sense of and the only thing I can do is give the pain that lingers away...... to God.

It has been a hard lesson for me to come to grips with but I'm learning that if I just turn my pain, my sorrow, my confusion, frustration over to God and tell Him to take it and deal with it I can find the peace I have been searching for.

This does not mean I have given it all over to God, it only means I am able to accept it, understand and recognize it.  I am a work in progress.  I am like the construction on a freeway, it never seems to end.  But I know that if I just take it day by day.... moment by moment... and I keep reminding myself.. Give it to God.... one day I will be free of it and I will live the life I was meant to live.

I only have one life.  I do not want to live it angry, biter, upset, sad or as a victim.  I want to live it like it was meant to be lived... full.  Full of joy, full of love and full of great memories.

Thank you God for the ability to forgive and for taking my problems that are just too big for me.


One step forward or two steps back!

Make a plan and work your plan.

This has been something I have been telling myself for the past three years while on this journey to get healthy.  But no matter how much planning and coordinating you do, life happens and something gets in the way.  I have had to learn to be flexible and adjust my plans while still focusing on the goal for the day.

My daily goals do not change that much and are pretty simple.

  • Take care of my family
  • Read the Word of God
  • Eat my meal plan
  • Work
  • Workout
  • Make sure my husband and I have "our time" 
My day is pretty much the same thing everyday there are not many changes.  But what DOES happen is life.  By that I mean, someone will throw up on the floor, someone forgot to bring something to school and needs it rushed over to them, someone has to go to the doctor, someone needs to be taken here or there.  It's these little things that come up, what seem like daily, that can really throw a person off from their plan and make them throw in the towel.  This is where I have to yell at myself and remind myself that this is about me too.  I deserve to be healthy and I deserve to have the time I need to ensure MY goals for the day are met.

A perfect example was yesterday.  I was on the phone with my husband and we were planning what time we were going to meet for the gym that night.  Our local gym has been closed this week for a remodel, so that has challenged us to have to go to another one.  The other location is close to my husband and his work but is not for me.  The time that I leave for the gym the traffic on the freeway at that hour is usually a mess, so it's suddenly a big deal trying to get there.  But I know I have to get it done.

As I hung up the phone I get a call from the school, my 4 year old has thrown up in his classroom and needs to be picked up.  At that VERY moment my 16 year old, who is in his room because he was not feeling well starts to throw up.  Great, I think to myself... there goes by babysitter.  I can not take the three little kids to the gym now and they have no one to stay home with.  I text my husband and his response is "No gym tonight then."

Any normal person would think okay I'll just go tomorrow... but I WANTED to get to the gym.. I NEEDED to workout... I was getting to that gym if I had to crawl there!  Eventually I got everything worked out and everyone was taken care of and my husband and I were able to go and get our workout done.

My point is that when life hits you and it hits you hard you have to decide if you are going to let life control you... or are you going to control life?  It would be very easy to have just said I will go another day, but that did not help me meet my goals for the day.  Instead I took control of my life, worked out the kinks and went on with the rest of my day and achieved my punch list..... and it felt GREAT!

Try not to let life run you, take YOUR life by the reigns, ask God for guidance and do what you need to do to be successful in your marriage... weight loss... getting tone.... work... relationships..what ever it is for you.  You have the power to be successful you just have to want it bad enough!

Make it a GREAT day today!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Wow, it's been awhile

It has been so long since I have posted on my blog, but today while I was getting ready I decided it was time for me to make the time again and get back into my blog.  I think I was my facebook post that I made today:

Today I am thankful to be 88 days from turning 40 years old! I may not be in my 20's, my skin may not be as tight as it use to be, I may have wrinkles, I may not have the look of wonder anymore. But what I do have is knowledge, depth, the ability to forgive, a true understanding of REAL love, the ability to care for someone other than myself, a relationship with God and a true appreciation for life itself. I do not fear 40, I welcome it with open arms and thank God that He has allowed me to live this long and learn so much about life. I am grateful.

So I decided to pull out my letter that I wrote to 20 something Mellie.... :)

Dear 20 something Mellie,

You are blessed with two beautiful boys who right now you are molding into becoming wonderful and responsible men. You're doing a great job raising your boys on your own and when I say you will be proud when they are in their teens is an statement no words can fully explain, you will beam with pride.

Life is going to be hard for you personally even more so than it is at 20 something. Your take control attitude will do right by you but will also hinder many opportunities in your life. Years of abuse, neglect, and being taken advantage of will create a hard shell almost impossible for anyone to break. 20 something Mellie, take a hold of your life and seek the help you need to heal the past pain so that it does not carry on in life.

Learn to let go, forgive and to love again so that your heart and soul can be healed earlier. There are good things waiting for you in your mid 30's and life will change more than you know. But learn to love and forgive earlier than your 30's so that time does not pass you by.

20 something Mellie, your answers and healing are not in the bottle of Vodka that you hold. Rather your healing is in learning to care for your body mind and soul. Stop making food your enemy, understand that food is your fuel for you body and you should only want to put the best in it. Your relationship with food does not need to be centered around your highs and lows of your mood. Start working out, start eating right, seek counseling for your inner sadness and learn to love yourself. Your past is not your fault.

20 something Mellie, wear sunscreen.... all the time! Tell people you love that you love them every chance you get no matter how many times you repeat it. Appreciate who you are as a person and appreciate that you matter in this world. Understand that all things are meant to be and even if you think your world is being shattered better things will come for you later. Stay strong, get healthy and love yourself every day!

Big things will happen for you and you WILL make a difference in lives.... keep going 20 something Mellie but love yourself too.


30 something Mellie.

No, I have not fallen off my rocker. :) A questions came to my mind this am while I was on my treadmill and I asked myself... if I had a chance to go back and talk to 20 something Mellie... what would I tell her. So I decided to write about it.

I wonder what your letter to your 20 something would look like?

Have a fantastic day!