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A few days ago my girlfriend shared how she was going to make an effort for the next 21 days to limit her negative self talk. It became clear to me that not only did I need to support her in this decision I needed to participate and share with others too. So I sent out a group text to several of my friends and family inviting them to join us as well.
The text read:
We are gong to take the next 21 days and limit our negative self talk, the ones in our head and the ones that come out of our mouths. I am also going to be writing something each day in my journal/blog. No matter how short or how long I want it to be. I would encourage you to do the same with me!
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I want to share something I've never shared with anybody my entire life not even my closest friend knows this about me. It's something I carried around inside with me for many years and never really thought affected me until I decided to change my lifestyle.
Many years ago when I was going through my divorce my ex-husband, in the heat of the fit, told me that I wasn't attractive anymore. He told me the weight that I carried around from the birth of the two babies I had at that point in my life would forever be with me. I would forever be a frumpy girl and no one could possibly love me, I was a fool to be leaving him. Of course I knew that in my heart it would not be true but somehow I took those words to heart, internalized them and I allowed them to subconsciously define me for many years to come.
Every time I attempted to lose weight or get healthy I would recall those words that were etched into my memory and my subconscious. I would begin to believe them all over again. I believed that I would never be healthy, I would never be thin, I would never look like I had always dreamed to look like. That was until I decided I would no longer allow anyone else to define me.
The process did not happen overnight. It took days, weeks, months, and yes, even years to not only let go of those words whispering in my brain, that I had carried around with me far too long, but to allow myself to be successful in this area. Sometimes it was almost easier to fall back on those words than it was to go through the entire process of training due to the dedication it took not only to become healthy, but to actually call myself a winner and to be the fit person I dreamed of being.
Fast forward A few years and that time and struggle seems like a lifetime ago to me. Of course the the early morning cardio sessions, the late-night workouts, the two a days, are all still fresh in my mind and seem like it was just yesterday I was fighting the battle of fat but the words that I allowed to defined me are a faint memory in my mind and no longer control me.
As I sit here today thinking to myself about my own journey and the 21 day challenge of limiting our negative self talk. THIS memory flooded my mind just moments ago to remind me that even though I'm stronger and a better person than I was then. I still allow people to define me I just wasn't accepting it or facing it.
Over the years I have heard certain things about myself from others that I see for the first time today I have allowed to define me. I'm sure if we all took a look at ourselves we would see that we all do in some ways. So much of what you accept is what others will define you as. If you are told look like someone famous, maybe an actress, you might not change your hair because she supposed to be seen as a beautiful person. That's allowing yourself to be defined. If you're told you're cute and have an attractive body, your clothes might get smaller and you might show more. That's allowing yourself to be defined.
Same with the negative defining. If you're told you play a victim role in your past relationship you probably stomp your feet and disagree but if you really look at yourself are you acting like the victim? Maybe if you're walking around with a sad look on your face or telling anyone who will listen to your side of the story as if to defend yourself then yes, you're playing the victim. You have just let that person define you.
Since starting this challenge it has made me so aware of the thoughts that roll around in my head. I subconsciously allow people to define me and I believe them and process that negativity in my head and then berate myself. It's not something that I was aware of until today and I certainly don't sit here and beat myself up but when faced with certain situations I react in a private self mutilation of my self esteem.
Of course there is no quick fix to the solution but what I appreciate about this challenge is that it's brought this to the forefront of my mind. I know that certain things that I do during my normal day, maybe not every day, is affected by what others have said about me in the past and I allowed it to define me in the present. This also leads to living my life in a certain amount of fear... Which is a whole other issue! 😃
I love this quote from Oprah:
"You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script."
What an amazing message!
-Mellie
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