Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Monday, October 24, 2011

491 days

Something has been catching my eye these past few weeks.  I get a glimpse of it and I have to look twice.  I see it and my mind does not register the site before me.  I study the view and ask myself "When did this happen and what does the future hold?"

My hands, my hands are aging.

I keep telling myself the reason the look of my hands is different is due to my workouts, my body is responding to that.  Much like the definition I am seeing in my shoulder blades, triceps and biceps my hands are changing too.  But today, while I was at the gym it hit me... hard.  My hands are getting older.  

For years my hands have looked a certain way and now the look I am use to is leaving me.  I feel like my hands are an advertisement to my age, screaming out... "She is almost 40, she is almost 40!"  Like somehow my life is going to change when the morning of that day,  491 days from now, arrives.

The fact is, I AM getting older.  My body is showing signs of it and there is no getting around it.  I may not have the plump skin of a 20 year old girl, the smooth wrinkle free face that they have, or even the ability to put on the cute and innocent charm anymore.  But what I do have is this......

None of these things I had at 20 years old or even in my early 30's.  I have learned so much about myself in this journey I started almost two years ago and I learn more everyday in the eyes of my husband, my children and my clients. This kind of learning and self awareness is amazing and has certainly been worth the wait.

So yes, my hands are getting older... my body is getting older... my soul is getting older.... but I am on a path in life that has me learning and appreciating everyday and all the good that comes from it and I feel younger then I ever have before. 


Monday, August 1, 2011

Dang YOU additctions.......

Addictions come in every form and every walk of life.  We have SO many in this world it is amazing to me that we are all still functioning... but I guess that is the point.... most of us are not truly functioning and living life to the fullest.

Addictions:  Drugs, Alcohol, Food, Shopping, Sex, Porn, Sleep, Sugar, Carbs, Prescription Drugs.. This list goes on and on and I truly believe one addiction is not worse then another and they all stem from the same thing.  Self Doubt and Evil.

As a trainer and a nutrition coach food is the BIGGEST addiction I see my clients go through, some of them do not even know they have an addiction but I watch and learn their patterns and can see where they are struggling.  It is my job to not only help them through this addiction but get them mentally on the right path.

I have a food addiction.  When I get hurt, upset or get into a disagreement with someone I turn to food.  I go into what I call "Auto Pilot Mode" and find myself in my pantry or my fridge looking for food to eat.  A chip here, a piece of toast there, some fruit, before I know it I can be off my calorie goal by over 500 just trying to cope with the mental issues I am facing.  THIS IS AN ADDICTION that I struggle with and try and learn from.

I have a client who comes home from work, if I do not get her in the right mind set on the way home, will go home and decompress with food.  I hear the same thing from her she "just does it."  She did it when she was in High School and she continues the pattern in her adult life.

I have another client who stays up late at night, or if she can not sleep, and she watches Home Shopping Network.  She not only buys things she does not need, she eats.  A yogurt here, a bowl of cereal, she has the same issues... food addiction (and shopping)

It is a terrible cycle that most of us can relate with and it's my hope for ALL my clients and friends that they can be honest with me and share their weaknesses and addictions so I can share with them the tools they need to get over it.  It will never go away, but we can silence it and control it.

We all need help in our lives and we all need support from others, we just have to come out of the shadows and ask.

I work on my addictions everyday.  I tell myself I am strong, I can beat the feeling I am having at that very moment that is pushing me to fail and I can find strength in numbers.  I also tell myself this is EVIL trying to take over me and push me into failure.  Evil wants me to fail, Evil wants me to beat myself up and Evil wants me to doubt my every move.

Well.... Evil.... YOU WILL NOT WIN.


I AM A WINNER...... and my clients are too.

Monday, July 18, 2011

"I don't have time to workout, my life is too busy."

"I don't have time to workout, my life is too busy."

These words make my blood boil and make me laugh at the same time.  People can make as many excuses as they want for the reasons they do not want to workout but in the end we all have the time to do it.  Gyms are open 24 hours a day, we have the ability to wake up early and get a workout in before work, we can workout when we put our kids to bed, we can workout with our spouses... there are a thousand excuses and a thousand ways around them.  Bottom line... you have to want to do it.

If you are happy where you are, if your weight and your clothes are not an issue..WONDERFUL!  But if this is not the case for you don't sit and give me, or other people around you, reasons why you can not workout.  The truth is you don't want to!  You have it in your mind it's too hard and you're too afraid.  Just say that instead of some excuse because you are not fooling anyone and you will have more respect for yourself.

I read a quote somewhere that said:  "Working out is like driving in a dark tunnel and enjoying the light when you come out."  This is so true.  Working out at first is a dark, dark tunnel.  When I began my journey over a year ago I use to dread working out.  I would try and find every reason why I could not workout.  I had something else I had to do instead of working out, I did not feel good, the kids were sick, I was too tired, a baby kept me up late, it was my time of the month..... etc etc etc etc etc.  There would be days I would sit on the floor and let my treadmill just move so that my family would think I was working out.  I hated it.  I hated walking into the gym.  The gym was too busy, it was too bright, too cold, too hot, too loud, too quiet, the kids were sick, the kids were tired, I didn't like the daycare staff.. etc etc etc etc.  At the end of the day I was left alone with my excuses no closer to being healthy and just trying to justify the extra 75lbs I was weighing by body down with.

Finally, I just got mad.  I got mad at my husband, I got mad at myself, I got mad at my past I was just mad!  I told myself I was going to just go through the motions, do the work and just see what happens.  In reality my goal was to prove I could not lose the weight, that lifting weights and doing this or that was not going to change me.. I had reasons for being overweight... I was on a mission, a mission to prove to everyone it was harder for ME to lose weight.

Sound familiar to anyone reading this???????

Reality was, I did the work and the weight began to fall off.  My clothes started feeling better and I started feeling more comfortable in the gym.  I was still in the dark tunnel but I could see this little tiny light shinning at the end of this long road, so I just kept pushing forward to it. 

It was not all roses and candy for me, it was hard!  It was blood, sweat and LOTS of tears but I finally emerged out of the tunnel and felt the sun shine on my face for the very first time.  Coming out of that tunnel, I had never felt the sun so bright and warm on me as I do now.  I am a new person.  I am alive, healthy and in the best mood EVER!  People notice how great I look, how hard I have worked and the changes I am making.  Having this feeling not only feels great but it also motivates me to keep pushing through to new goals.

Let go of your excuses, plan your life around your workouts and get busy living again or possibly for the first time in your life.  Excuses will always be around, but it doesn't mean you have to let them run you.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

If only.....

I think Tim McGraw says it best with his lyrics:

"I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years"

My High School reunion is coming up, 20 year reunion.  How does that happen?  I recall being in my teens and hearing the words "20 year reunion" and thinking of a bunch of old people sitting around talking about the glory days... now I am weeks from my own.

The other day I found myself lost in thought thinking about my High School years.  Those were not easy carefree years like I am ensuring my two boys are currently having.  There were a lot of things going on in my life, some not so positive or healthy.  I found myself wishing.. "If only I could go back and do it again, I would make High School so much better."  My mind tells myself all of the things I would do differently and how I would be a different person and how I would not waste my education and time on such silly things that I did... the words repeat over and over in my head...

"if only"
"if only"
"if only".....

I really found myself getting sad about the time wasted and the opportunity wasted until... I had a God smack.

What was there to be sad about?  Here I am 38 years old, I have a great life a great family and I still have AT LEAST another 20 years in me!  I tell one of my clients all the time "don't worry about what you did, worry about what you are going to do to change your life!"  That is me....

I do not need to worry about what I did not do in those High School years and start planning on what I WILL do in MY next 20 years!

 I really believe you can turn around your moods, your behavior and your feelings if you just look at the situation with a positive spin rather then a negative.  So rather then letting the words "if only" ring in MY head I am going to let these words ring out instead....

"I will"
"I will"
"I will"

Watch out for ME in the NEXT 20 years!

Take it away Tim McGraw.......

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The skinny on Skinny Bitch

Off the suggestion of a potential client I read the book Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.

I have to say that I was extremely disappointed. The authors spent the majority of the book quoting other authors and scientist in regards to the poor quality of our meat, farms and the back dooring our politicians do with meat companies.  Unless you live under a rock, this is not new news.  Unless you have not turned on the TV, radio or even searched the web you already know if you are not buying organic you are buying food that is covered in chemicals and injected with growth hormones.

Their in your face tactic and approach was just them swearing in the book and calling their reader a fat pig, lazy, an idiot and a bunch of other names.  Personally, if I was still 75lbs over weight this would not motivate me, it would infuriate me instead.

I wish they would have just said what this book was about, it is about being vegan, when they finally got past all the swearing, name calling and statistics about the food we eat it comes down to a short book about being vegan.

I have no issues with being vegan, I know that some people react differently to animal products and dairy but call the book what it is... a vegan book, and a pretty short one at that.