The Love Dare-31

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

This verse is God’s original blueprint for how marriage is supposed to work. It involves a tearing away and a knitting together.  It reconfigures existing relationships while establishing a brand new one.  Marriage changes everything.

That’s why couples who don’t take this “leaving” and “cleaving” message to heart will reap the consequences down the line, when the problems are much harder to repair without hurting someone.

“Leaving” means that you are breaking a natural tie.  Your parents step into the role of counselors to be respected, but can no longer tell you what to do.  Sometimes the difficulty in doing this comes from the original source.  A parent may not be ready to release you yet from their control and expectations.  Whether through unhealthy dependence or inner struggles over the empty nest, parents don’t always take their share of this responsibility.  In such cases, the grown child has to make “leaving” a courageous choice of his own.  And far too often, this break is not made in the right way.

Are you and your spouse still living with unresolved issues because of a failure to cut the apron strings?  Do either of your parents continue to create problems within your home – perhaps without their even knowing it?  What needs to happen to put a stop to this before it creates too wide of a division in your marriage?

Unity is a marriage quality to be guarded at a great cost.  The purpose of “leaving,” of course, is not to abandon all contact with the past but rather to preserve the unique oneness that marriage is designed to capture.  Only in oneness can you become all that God means for you to be.

If you’re too tightly drawn to your parents, the singular identity of your marriage will not be able to come to flower.  You will always be held back, and a root of division will continue to send up new shoots into your relationship.  It won’t go away unless you do something about it.  For without “leaving,” you cannot do the “cleaving” you need, the joining of your hearts that’s required to experience oneness.

“Cleaving” carries the idea of catching someone by pursuit, clinging to them as your new rock of refuge and safety.  This man is now the spiritual leader of  your new home, tasked with the responsibility of loving  you “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  This woman is now one in union with you, called to “see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

As a result of this essential process, you are now free to become everything God meant when He declared you “one flesh.”

• You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.

• You are able to achieve oneness in your priorities, even through you’ve come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.

• You are able to achieve oneness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either of both of you have memories of impurity in your per-marital past.

God’s decision to make you “one flesh” in marriage can make anything possible.

If this is not how things are going in your home right now, you’re unfortunately in the majority.  It’s not out of character for couples of all kinds – even Christian couples – to ignore God’s design for marriage, thinking they know better than He does.  Genesis 2:24 may have sounded nice and noble when it was wrapped around the sharing of vows at the wedding.  But as a fundamental principle to be put into place and practiced as a living fact – this just seems too difficult to do.  But this is what you must make any sacrifice to reclaim.

It’s hard – extremely hard – when the pursuit of oneness is basically one-sided.  Your spouse may not be interested at all in recapturing the unity you had at first.  Even if there is some desire on his or her part, there may still be issues between you that are nowhere close to being resolved.

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you don’t have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave.  And dare to walk as one.


Today’s Dare

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet?  Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right.  The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it.  Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
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I do not see that there is a "leaving" issue in my marriage that I can think of.  I have been away from the direction, support and care of my mother since long before I married my hubby.  I have always cared for myself, even at a young age, and never had a close relationship with my mother.  I do not know my father so there is not an issue there either.

However, the following passage in the book speaks to me:

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you don’t have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave.  And dare to walk as one.

It is and always has been a passion of mine to be "one flesh" with my hubby.  During our marriage there are times when we have and when we have not, it has came on gone over the years.  But the desire to achieve this is still in the forefront of my mind and it still my goal as I awake everyday.  

I feel motivated and blessed to be able to still be sitting here as Michelle Galvan and even more blessed to feel the bond between my hubby and I continue to grow.  We have had our tough times but I feel as if we are in a recovery mode again and THIS time we will be able to sustain the commitment and the bond we have.  It feels good to find myself in a place where I can relax and let go of some of my fears and just love on him with no hesitation.  It feels good to know that the seeds we sow are feeling as if this time they are really going to put us in a place we BOTH want to be.. a place of love, commitment and harmony.  

I have always held onto to my faith in God that HE would see us through and HE would take us down the path we belonged on together, I guess just now I finally understand it was meant to be on God's time and not mine.

I dare to continue to walk as one with my hubby and show him the love I have for him in my heart, one that will never be taken away from him.   I thank God for allowing me an open heart, a loving heart and for showing me how to love my hubby God's way.

May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You.  (John 17:21 HCSB)

Life can change in an instant.....

Rebirth[ ree-burth, ree-burth ]
noun
1. a new or second birth: the rebirth of the soul.
2. a renewed existence, activity, or growth; renaissance or revival: the rebirth of conservatism.

October 14, 2013, is my rebirth date. I have a renewed existence and a renewed outlook on my life. Although I continue to fight demons in my head and work on putting the past behind me so I can discover a sense of peace, on October 14, 2013, Mellie was born again.

Three Weeks Ago

September 24th started out like most mornings. I was up with the family and getting everyone's food ready for the day. I am not much of a morning person; I don't drink coffee, and I don't have the luxury of taking time to myself to wake up slowly. As soon as my hubby pats me on the leg and leans in to kiss me good morning, my feet are on the ground and I am going full speed. 

However, this morning my mind was focused on my Princess Tini (dog). She had been up several times the night before vomiting. I was anxious to get the kids and hubby off for their days, so I could take her to the vet first thing. When I finally made it to the vet at 9:00am, it was really the first time I said more than a few words to anyone. As I began to speak I found it hard to articulate my words. I was standing in the reception area of the vet struggling to speak. When the words finally did come out, they were slurred and my mouth was full of excessive saliva. Normally I am a fast talker but today when I tried to talk my normal speed, the words both formed at a much slower pace and then they were delivered with a slur. After a few moments the vet asked me if I was alright, he smiled and said, "You sound drunk.” I laughed and assured him I was fine just really tired from the night before.

As I got into my car and was able to stop for a moment I tried to speak out loud to myself, and this time I was extremely focused on the words I wanted to say. Again, though, the words came slow and slurred. I realized at that moment too my tongue felt swollen, it was difficult for me to swallow, and the left side of my lips felt numb. The more I tried the harder I realized it was for me to talk like I normally talk.  I wondered what had occurred to make this happen to me and could feel myself getting anxious about it.  I worried about driving myself home and was wondering was this the start of a stroke or a heart attack, was I going to pass out while trying to drive home?  I tried to keep myself from freaking out and reminded myself that when I was a little girl about 8 or 9 I woke up and 1/2 my face was numb.  Back then my doctor told me I had a cold in my face and it took about two weeks for it to go away.  I chalked it up to another cold in my face and forced myself to put the car in gear. As I drove home, I knew I needed to call my doctor right away.

I called and was able to get a same day appointment. My next call was to my husband at work. I did not want to worry him, or myself so I really tried to speak slow and articulate the words I wanted to say to him so he could not only understand me but assure me that nothing was wrong. My hubby asked me some questions while he listened to my speech. He wanted to know what areas of my body felt numb, if I had any pain—and when I noticed my difficult speaking. He didn't seem to concerned but told me he would come pick me up and take me to the doctor.

I found out later my husband made several calls to Kaiser when he hung with me, attempting to get an immediate appointment. As it turns out, Kaiser had called me repeatedly that day to see me right away but as I did not recognize the number, I did not answer the phone.  (I know, hard to think I don't answer my phone)

Later that day my hubby showed up and off to the doctor we went. By this time my anxiety had increased significantly. It was too difficult for me to speak, so I was unable to do my job. I was anxious about what was going on and as the day moved on, it became harder and harder for me to swallow. My doctor immediately tested my reflexes and motor skills. He was able to rule out a stroke—this was good, he assured me, but what came to follow rocked me to my toes.

Dr. Sahota said to me, "I am going to order an MRI for you and start you on steroid therapy via IV for three days. We are going to treat you as if you have MS and then see what the MRI shows us."

MS? As in multiple sclerosis?

In July 2007, I had heard those same two words being spoken to me after the birth of our youngest son Reuben. After the delivery of Reuben, I had swelling of the brain. I was in bad shape and as part of the treatment to determine the extent of any damage, and emergency MRI was ordered at 1:30 in the morning. While I later recovered fully, the MRI showed there were lesions in my brain. It was impossible to determine how old they were, but they were not active at the time of the MRI.

Lesions on your brain can be caused by MS or from damage from migraines. Because I had no symptoms of MS but had suffered from migraines since I was 12, I was told in 2007 it could be just from those. I was told to keep an eye on myself, and we will see if I developed any MS Symptoms. Honestly I never thought about it again after that day.

Now, here I was hearing it again and I was going to be treated as if I had it? I could not comprehend what he was saying to me. I looked at my hubby as the doctor was speaking to me to see his reaction. He didn't seemed too moved by the subject matter (if you know my husband, he often times will intentionally not show emotion on his face), but I know what I wanted him to do was stand up and shout, "Mellie does not have MS." Instead, he reminded the doctor that I had a MRI in the past to serve as a baseline for comparison purposes. As the doctor excused himself from the room to go look up the MRI, my hubby looked at me and did what he does best—he flashed his smile and told me with his eyes, you are going to be okay. Don't worry.   I ended the appointment with steroid treatment delivered via an IV (to “kill” any active lesions), and an appointment for a MRI three days later, in Salem (my doctor wanted the MRI immediately and Salem had the first opening).

Day of My MRI

With my hubby by my side, I laid in the MRI machine for 45 minutes repeating The Lord’s Prayer over and over again, as my hubby stood by my side holding onto my legs.

It took several more days after the MRI to learn the results. In the interim, I was being referred to a neurologist that specializes in MS. For the next week my hubby was diligent on reading everything there was to know about MS. He read blogs from people who had similar attacks, he read about therapy for people with MS; different types of MS. He constantly was reading and trying to get a grip on what I could have. I, for one, focused on my speech. It was very embarrassing for me to not be able to speak normally. I found myself saying little to no words when I was in public until I could get the use of my speech all the way back. I spent my time talking to God and my time telling myself I was NOT going to have MS. I was too strong for that, I told myself, and have come too far in my life to have any kind of disease.

On September 30, 2013, my regular doctor emailed me the preliminary results to the MRI but advised me that he would defer the diagnosis to the specialist, his email stated:

Here are your MRI results. You can discuss them with Dr Zarelli.

Since your last MRI:

1. New 1.6 cm acute demyelinating plaque in the left middle frontal gyrus.

2. Two new but nonactive plaques in the right superior temporal gyrus and in the right precentral gyrus near the vertex.

3. Remaining white matter disease appears similar.

None of this really meant much to me. I passed the information off to my hubby and told myself in a few days it would be all cleared up, and I would probably have to make some more changes in my life to continue to prevent migraines. This preliminary result sent my hubby into an even deeper mode of research to try and discover what was going on. 

Neurology Specialist

It was a long several days before my follow-up appointment with the neurologist, Dr. Zarelli.

Sunday night, the night before my appointment, my husband sat up in bed, closed our bedroom doors, turned off the TV, and said he wanted to speak to me. He told me after all the research he had been doing for the past week and with the symptoms I was having he thought I might have either clinically isolated syndrome or MS. 

CIS, he explained, is essentially MS with only one episode. For a diagnosis of MS, he said, there needs to be symptoms over time. 

He went on to tell me that no matter what the doctors found out he wanted me to know that he was there for me, he would be there for me, and we would get through this no matter what. He expressed his love for me and expressed how we are so fortunate to be where we are today in our marriage and our life in generally. He didn't want me to worry, he wanted me to know he would be here for me; he would be there for us and for our family. As much as I adored what he was doing and appreciated that he was trying to calm my nerves I looked at him and said "I love you, thank you but I do NOT have MS. I am too strong to have MS." He just sort of looked at me, then he hugged me and kissed me, and we enjoyed the rest of our night together.

Day of Appointment 

As I sat there and my hubby held my hand I just kept saying to myself you do not have MS, you do not have MS you are fine.  Finally the doctor came in, introduced himself asked if he could have a student sit in with us and the appointment began. 

As Dr. Zarelli logged into his computer, while not even looking at me, he said "Okay, so you are here and you have MS." My body went cold and I muttered the words, "Well, just come out with it, why don't you?" My husband held my hand. 

The doctor went on to say with the lesions showing on my MRI it was clear this was MS. I had lesions in 2007, and a new lesion in 2013—including a currently active lesion which led to my speech impairment. 

The room closed up on me and everyone around me became just this blurred image in my sight. I instantly thought about my 5 kids, their images appeared in my mind lined up from oldest to youngest, and I began to cry uncontrollably. How could I have MS? I am the mother of 5 kids. My thoughts went to my hubby next and in an instant I saw myself sitting back on my bed from the night before looking into his eyes , and it suddenly occurred to me he knew I had MS when he was trying to reassure me.

I can't have MS, I thought. Who would take care of him? I can't have MS…I am the glue that holds this family together. In those split moments I felt strength from my soul leave my body. I stood there feeling as if I were only a shell of the person I was when I first walked into the room.

It was discovered with during some very uncomfortable and emotional moments that Dr. Zarelli had thought I was ALREADY diagnosed with MS and just thought I was there for some questions. He apologized, explained that the previous neurologist failed to communicate that no one had told us yet, and started over again. 

As I composed myself and as my hubby comforted me, Dr. Zarelli explained to me that this was not a death sentence. Not only was this not a death sentence, but he went on to say that I have probably had MS for the past 6-10 years and have done incredibly well despite NO treatment. 

MS has a “golden window” wherein the first 5 years determines how aggressive the disease is. I have a step above benign MS, which means I had a MS attack (called an exacerbation), but have only had one attack in almost a decade—and this was without treatment. 

Dr. Zarelli told us that he can almost 100% guarantee I will do fine with this disease and that research is so advanced in 5 years I may be able to walk into his office, get a shot and be cured of it. He said if this 1999, he would have a different prognosis for me—a dark one—but as a specialist in MS, he could tell me that based on my MRI, the fact I have had it for years and was not getting any treatment, and the way I rebounded from the current attack—my body was strong and the form of the disease I had was mild, and manageable. I could quite possibly never have symptoms again, and the disease tends to go dormant at 50. Basically, I was halfway through it and had no idea I was fighting it all this time.

He went on to tell us that I would start therapy right away to prevent the disease from getting worse and prevent future exasperation from happening. Again he wanted me to know that I was going to be fine. As long as I got the MS therapy and continue to take care of my health through diet and exercise, he saw no reason for concerns or chances of this getting any worse than it was right then. My hubby and I were to go home with information and choose what kind of drug therapy we were going to put me on. 

Car Ride Home 

Once into our vehicle my hubby wrapped his arms around me and began what I like to call "Operation Calm Mellie down." The words my hubby spoke that day to me are so near and dear to my heart that I will keep many of them to myself. There are many things I love about this man, but one of them is the way he loves me and can calm me when fear and doubt have completely taken over, a side many people never get a chance to see of him but one of the sides I really appreciate and adore. He truly becomes the rock I need, no matter what is going on between us. What I will share about that moment is this: He reminded me that the doctor said I have probably had this disease for 6-10 years, and this is my first episode in that time. He reminded me that the doctor felt that drug therapy could very well prevent any future attacks and/or lesions. He told me that with everything he read and what the doctor had said, that when I made my transformation 5 years ago, not only was I fighting to get my life style in order but I was also in the fight of my life against a disease that could have left me disabled, and I had no idea. He told me that because of my dedication to health and fitness, there was no doubt in his mind that I put this disease in its place—kept it from becoming what it could have been. Everything he had read from the National MS Society said that drugs help, but diet and exercise are the deciding factor. 

He reminded me that I was battling this with no medication—no help from modern science, and now it was okay to combine my efforts in the gym and in the kitchen with modern science—help I deserved to get. He told me how strong I was as a person, and how very proud of me he was.

As we pulled away from the doctor's office, I knew I had been forever changed but I also knew that with God, my hubby, and the support of my family I would be fine. This disease was not going to get the best of me. It was not going to define who I am. 

Today 

October 14, 2013, will always be a day of rebirth for me.

I am blessed by God to not have my disease be more aggressive, and I was blessed by the love of my hubby who has stood by my side. With God, my husband, the love of my kids and the treatment from modern day medicine, this will be nothing but another learning experience for me. This will be another way to make myself better, help others make themselves better, and be an example to anyone who cares to watch.

I am Michelle Elizabeth Galvan and I have MS... but MS does NOT have me.

*MS is neurological disease wherein your body’s own immune system attacks the myelin sheath (protective layer) over the nerve endings in the brain. The cumulative damage to the sheath interferes with the communication from brain to muscle, which can lead to disabilities. MS has no cure, but there are several different levels of MS and diet and exercise is the number one contributing factor to the overall impact of MS.

This is your brain.....

This is your brain with lesions..... any questions?

The Love Dare-Day Thirty

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. – John 17:11

One of the most impressive things about the Bible is the way it linked together, with consistent themes running throughout, from beginning to end.  Though written over a span of 1,600 years and composed by more than forty writers of various backgrounds and skill levels, God sovereignty authored it with one united voice.  And He continues to speak through it today without going message.

Unity. Togetherness. Oneness.

These are the unshakable hallmarks of our God.

From the very beginning of time, we see His unity at work through the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God the Father is there, creating the heavens and the earth.  The Spirit is “moving over the surface of the waters” (Genesis 1:2).  And the Son, who is “the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature” (Hebrews 1:3), joins in speaking the world into existence.  “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26).

Us. Our.

All three are in perfect oneness of mind and purpose.

We later see Jesus rising from the waters of baptism, as the Spirit descends like a dove and the Father announces over this majestic scene, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Jesus later says, “I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me” (John 6:38).  His desire to answer His followers’ prayer is “so that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13).  He asks the Father to send the Holy Spirit, knowing that the Spirit will faithfully testify about the Son He loves, for “no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:11 NIV).

Father, Son, and Spirit are in pristine unity.  They serve each other, love each other, and honor each other.  Though equal, they rejoice when the other is praised.  Though distinct, they are one, indivisible.

And because this relationship is so special – so representative of the vastness and grandeur of God – He has chosen to let us experience an aspect of it.  In the unique relationship of husband and wife, two distinct individuals are spiritually united into “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).  And “what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:9 NIV).

In fact, this mystery is so compelling – and the love between husband and wife so intertwined and complete – that God uses the imagery of marriage to explain His love for the church.

The church (the bride) is most honored when her Savior is worshiped and celebrated.  Christ (the bridegroom), who has given Himself up for her, is most honored when He sees her “as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27 NIV).  Both Christ and the church love and honor the other.

That’s the beauty of unity.

Husband – What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in all things?  What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make?  What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?

Wife – What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband?  What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness?  What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?

The unity of the Trinity, as seen beyond the reaches of history past and continuing into the future, is evidence of the power of oneness.  It is unbreakable.  It is unending.  And it is this same spiritual reality that disguises itself as your home and mailing address.  Though painted in the colors of work schedules and doctor visits and trips to the grocery, oneness is the eternal thread that runs through the daily experience of what you call “your marriage,” giving it a purpose to be defended for life.

Therefore, love this one who is as much a part of your body as you are.  Serve this one whose needs cannot be separated from your own.  Honor this one who, when raised upon the pedestal of your love, raises you up too in the eyes of God, all at the same time.

Today’s Dare

Isolate one area of division in  your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it.  Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse.  Pray that He would do the same for them.  And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.
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This love dare could not have came at a more perfect time in my marriage.  For those who really know me you know that I love my God, my hubby and my family.  The unity of my marriage has been tried and tried again in the 10 years we have been married but in the end we still stand next to each other and we still stand for one another.

Wife – What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband?  What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness?  What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?

Over the past few days my hubby and I have been involved in some serious conversations in regards to our marriage.  We have both come to the agreement that we are in this together and although things and people have tried to come between us, no matter what we are one with each other.  Our marriage means more to us than the temptations of the world.  Our marriage means more to us than the doubts one could have on any given day and our love is deeper than any hurt we could ever cause each other. 

Together my hubby and I woke up Saturday morning with a renewal of our marriage in our hearts.  We both felt as if we could move on, forgive and focus on the love that we clearly share and the love that can clearly not be broken.  Does this mean we will never fight again? No but it means that we have an agreement that we are in this together and we are going to get through this.

In times of fear my husband will wrap his arms around me and speak in my ear.  This last time he said to me, you are my wife and I am in love with YOU we WILL get through, things will be different for us you will see. 

Marriage is hard and it can cause a person the deepest pain one can know.  But the one thing that has always been true for my hubby and myself is the love we share.  We are those people who love each other still.  We are those people who do not like to do much of anything without the other.  We are those people who consider the other to be our best friend.  I love being with my hubby, he is my best friend and is the only one I want to be with.  I know throughout our hard times he feels the same way.

It is my mission to promote the togetherness of our hearts.  I refuse to allow our love to be treated as a poison and will continue to look to God and my faith to be strong in my marriage and to honor my husband.  I have never worked so hard for one thing or for one person as I do in this marriage and for my hubby.  Regretfully I have made many mistakes in my marriage and have dishonored him many times. But I know if I keep working at it, keep working on me and keep giving my issues to God He will see me through and our marriage will be rewarded more than I ever imagined.

Fear can paralyze a person, but fear will not keep me from having and giving the marriage we both deserve.

I love my hubby.... thank you for loving me.

The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! (Deuteronomy 6:4)

The Love Dare-Day 29

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men.  – Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

It doesn’t take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love.  In fact, many times they will de-motivate it.  More often than you’d like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrated your love.  They may not even receive it when you try to express it.  That’s simply the nature life, even in fairly healthy marriages.

But although moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one is certain to stay in the same place, all the time.  When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

That’s because love comes from Him.

Think of it like this. When you were a child, your parents certainly established rules for you to follow.  Your bedtime was at a certain hour.  Your room had to be kept mostly clean.  Your schoolwork needed to be finished before you could go play.  If you were like most people, you bent these rules as often as you obeyed them.  And if not for the incentive of force and consequences, you might not have obeyed them at all.

But if you met Christ along the way or received any kind of Bible teaching, you probably were exposed to this idea – “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).  If you took this to heart at all, you knew you didn’t merely have your parents to answer anymore.

This was no longer a battle of wills between you and a flesh-and-blood authority figure.  This was now between you and God.  Your mom and dad were just the go-betweens.

As it turns out, however, the relationship between parents and children isn’t the only thing enhanced by letting God become your driving motivation.  Consider the following areas where pleasing Him should become our goal:

Work. “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).

Service. “Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22).

Everything. “Work hard at “whatever you do … knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23-24).

Even marriage. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

The love that’s demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate’s sweetness or suitability.  The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity.  The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit.

This change of focus and perspective is crucial for a Christian.  Being able to wake up knowing that God is your source and supply – not just of your own needs but also those of your spouse – changes your whole reason for interacting with your mate.

No longer is it this imperfect person who decides how much love you’ll show, but rather it’s your omni-perfect God who can use even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another.

Has your wife become fairly hard to live with lately?  Is her slowness at getting over a disagreement wearing on your patience?  Can she not just give it a rest?  Don’t withhold your love just because she thinks differently from you.  Love her “as to the Lord.”

Is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, apparently brooding over something he’s not interested in sharing?  Do you feel hurt by his unwillingness to open up?  Are you tired of him being so short with you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to?  Don’t battle back with a double dose of silence and inattention.  Love him anyway.  “As to the Lord.”

Love motivated by mere duty cannot hold out for very long.  And love that is only motivated by favorable conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing.  Only love that is lifted up as an offering to God – returned to Him in gratitude for all He’s done – is able to sustain itself when all other reasons have lost their ability to energize us.

Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to chance and hope for the best.  But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best love you possibly can, you need to shoot for love’s highest motivation.  Love that has God as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain.


Today’s Dare

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs.  Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way.  Go to God in prayers again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

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One of the passages in today's dare speaks about loving back when they are hard to love (my words) There have been many times when my hubby will get upset at me and will "go off."  In the early years of my marriage I would strike back at him and say my peace, usually something snotty or cutting.  But as I matured and our marriage matured I did less and less of fighting back. 

For the most part if we have a disagreement or my hubby goes off on me I will not say much.  I will busy myself around the house cleaning while avoiding him and the situation.  Some may not agree with this approach but it works for me.  It allows me to remove myself from the situation and not get caught up in the emotion of it.  It allows me to have a conversation with my hubby in my head thus risking making the situation worse.  (there is something therapeutic for me about having a conversation in my head with the person I am upset with or who has hurt me that allows me to work through the emotions.  Some may think it is crazy but it works for me.)  Once I have moved beyond that I find myself then talking to God. 

Most times I just say.. "God, this is between you and him this has nothing to do with me."  Or I will ask God to allow me to see through the emotion of the argument and seek out the real issue at hand.  Am I not making my hubby feel hear, am I not making him feel honored or respected or he this simply his issue and it has nothing to do with me I am just the one he is taking it out on.  Most times I can get a pretty clear answer about the argument and understand what it is really about.  Other times I am lost and just have to give it to God.

As my hubby matures as well in our marriage I can see his behavior and the way he deals with me and the kids changing as well.  I know he struggles with issues from his childhood that can sneak up out of no where and I know he struggles with the guilt of some of his decisions in our marriage and that anger at himself is directed at me.  But through it all the best thing I have came to understand is that we are in this together.

No two people are going to have a fairytale marriage and no two people will go through life with heartache and disappointments.  It is what you do with those lessons in your life that will determine your future.  I do not give up and run.  I do not seek to find fulfillment elsewhere.  I will not leave unless there is no life left to fight for.  I will continue to seek God's love in my marriage.  I will continue to strive to give God my issues and I will continue to pray for peace in my marriage, heart and and the heart of my hubby.  It is not just about the two of us and our needs... it is about our family and our eternal life, one I plan to live in harmony with my hubby.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

The Love Dare- Day 28

He laid down His life for us.  We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. – 1 John 3:16 HCSB

Life can be hard.  But what we usually mean is that our life can be hard.  We’re the first to feel it when we’re the ones being mistreated or inconvenienced.  We’re quick to sulk when we’re the ones who feel deprived or unappreciated.  When life is difficult for us, we notice.

But too often the only way we notice that life is hard for our mate is when they start complaining about it.  Then instead of genuinely caring or rushing in to help, we might think they just have a bad attitude.  The pain and pressure they’re under don’t register with us the way it does when it’s our pain and pressure.  When we want to complain, we expect everyone to understand and feel sorry for us.

This doesn’t happen when love is at work.  Love doesn’t have to be jarred awake by your mate’s obvious signs of distress.  Before worries and troubles have begun to bury them, love has already gone into action mode.  It sees the weight beginning to pile up and it steps in to help.  That’s because love wants you to be sensitive to your spouse.

Love makes sacrifices.  It keeps you so tuned in to what your spouse needs that you often respond without being asked.  And when you don’t notice ahead of time and must be told what’s happening, love responds to the heart of the problem.

Even when your mate’s stress comes out in words of personal accusation, love shows compassion rather than becoming defensive.  Love inspires you to say “no” to what you want, in order to say “yes” to what your spouse needs.

That’s what Jesus did.  “He laid down His life for us” to show us that “we should also lay down our lives” for others.  He taught us that the evidence of love is found in seeing a need in others, then doing all we can to satisfy it.  “For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me” (Matthew 23:35-36).

These are the types of needs you should be looking for in your wife or husband.  Instead of sitting around upset that they’re not treating you the way you think they should, let love pick you up out of your self-pity and turn your attention to their needs.

Is he “hungry” – needing you sexually, even when you don’t feel like it?

Is she “thirsty” – craving the time and attention you seem to be able to give everyone else?

Does he feel like a “stranger” – insecure in his work, needing home to be a refuge and sanctuary?

Is she “naked” – frightened or ashamed, desperate for the warm covering of your loving affirmation?

Is he feeling “sick” – physically tired and needing you to help guard him from interruptions?

Does she feel in “prison” – fearful and depressed, needing some safety and intervention?

Love is willing to make sacrifices to see that the needs of your spouse are given your very best effort and focus.  When your mate is overwhelmed and under the gun, love calls you to set aside what seems so essential in your own life to help, even if it’s merely the gift of a listening ear.

Often all they really need is just to talk this situation out.  They need to see in your two attentive eyes that you truly care about what this is costing them, and you’re serious about helping them seek answers.  They need you to pray with them about what to do, and then keep following up to see how it’s going.

The words “How can I help you?” need to stay fresh on your lips.

The solutions may be simple and easy for you to do, or they may be complex and expensive, requiring time, energy and great effort.  Either way, you should do whatever you can to meet the real needs of the one who is a part of who you are.  After all, when you help them, you are also helping yourself. That’s the beautiful part of sacrificing for your spouse.  Jesus did it for us.  And He extends the grace to do it for others.

When the New Testament believers began to walk in love, their lives together were marked by sharing and sacrifice.  Their heartbeat was to worship the Lord and to serve His people.  “All those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have “need” (Acts 2:44-45).  As Paul said to one of these churches in a later decade, “I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls” (2 Corinthians 12:15).  Lives that have been raised from death by Jesus sacrifice should be ready and willing to make daily sacrifices to meet the needs of others.

Today’s Dare

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
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"The solutions may be simple and easy for you to do, or they may be complex and expensive, requiring time, energy and great effort.  Either way, you should do whatever you can to meet the real needs of the one who is a part of who you are.  After all, when you help them, you are also helping yourself."

When I was growing up and was in and out of different relationships my happiness always seemed to be based on what my significant other was doing for me ME happy.  Was he paying attention to me enough?  Did he make me feel safe?  Was he affection enough in public towards me?  Everything seemed to be about what the other person could bring to our relationship to hold me there.  I made it very clear if that person failed then I would not be sticking around and  would find someone who would so I did not have to sacrifice myself.

Of course looking back at that behavior I realize now how selfish I really was and how absurd and immature it was for me to think that way.  (My hubby thinks I am a handful now, it is a GOOD thing he did not know me then.)  It's really embarrassing to look back on.

When I got married I told myself I was going to make it work, no matter what.  This WAS going to be my last relationship and I was not going to put my kids through another divorce.  I was going to be married till death do us part.  Even though we said our vows in front of a judge I said them in front of God.

It took me some years of growing to really understand how to love my hubby.  I really had to let go of all my wants and expectations and just give in to unconditional love.  I had to keep telling myself that me giving in on this argument, or getting past this hurt would get me one step closer to the life I have always wanted to live and have the love I always dreamed of having.  I just prayed to have the strength to get through one more day and one more event that was threatening to tear us apart.

I began to love differently.  I began to do things above and beyond for my hubby in hopes to not only please him but to demonstrate the kind of love I wanted.  It really is true when you can give up yourself and do for others you will feel better.  To me, this is God's way of teaching us how to love as HE loves us.

My hubby is a complicated man.  There are days I think I am on target with giving him attention and showing him the love he wants but can find out that I was no where near the target.  Then there are days where I can see my love fill him and he makes changes in himself to please me and to be a better man.  We are all struggling in the ins and outs of life.  Trying to find our place, the meaning for us being here and trying to maintain some happiness along the way.  I truly believe if we allow ourselves to let go to love and sacrifice the way Jesus did for us then our struggles will be over.

I am no where near perfect and I am far beyond an expert at loving my hubby but I am still here, I am still working towards it and I still love this man with all my heart. 

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)