The Love Dare-Day One

The first part of this dare is fairly simple.  Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

Love is patient-- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has for greater depth and meaning than most people realize.  It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest problems.  Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is.  Those pillars are patience and kindness.  Love will inspire you to become patient.  When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to negative situations.  You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper.  Love helps you settle down.  No one likes to be around an impatient person.  It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish and regrettable ways.  Anger almost never makes things better.  Patience stops all this kind of behavior, it is a deep breath.  It clears the air. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.  As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet. Patience allows your spouse to be human.  It understands everyone fails.  When mistakes are made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it.  What would the tone and volume in your home be like if you tried this biblical approach:  "See that no one repays another evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another."  (1 Thessalonians 5:15)  This Love Dare Journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to possess is patience.  Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running.

Starting over on The Love Dare, this time along side of my hubby, brings a new meaning to this chapter for me.  Yesterday was the first day of our challenge and I was sure that I was not going to say anything negative to my hubby.  It was a great day, we had lunch together and we communicated during the day so it was easy to stay positive with him because I felt like we were depositing positive contributions to our love banks.  Later in the evening I had a little bit of a struggle, but I refrained from attacking him or giving him attitude.  He was quick to pick up on my struggle and did the best he could to try and ease my fears so our evening ended up great.  I felt good at the end of the day that I was able to maintain positive reactions to him and nothing was negative.  

Love is patient is something I am really working on in my marriage.   I come from a long history of emotions and an emotional family.  The issues in our home growing up were resolved with my mother screaming at us and throwing things.  She would blow up at the child that was in trouble, belittle that child and then ignore that child for a period of time.  I caught onto this behavior quickly so it was always my intention to do whatever I had to do to make her happy, even if that sacrificed my own happiness.  I still feel I act this way in my adult life too, always want people to be happy and everything to be okay so I can feel safe in my life.  But what I did not realize I was learning was the temper part too.

I am quick to anger.  I am quick to jump.  I will determine a situation and the outcome of that situation and rather than just sitting quietly and letting it settle or giving myself time with God I will jump and get it out on the table with the person who is involved, which of course is my hubby.  This is a big flaw of mine.  Not because I want to attack him or I want to make him uncomfortable but because I am the type that I just want to rip the band aid off.   If we have an issue.. rip it off, lets face it, talk about it, learn from it and hopefully move on from it.  That would seem reasonable to most people however the way I go about it is driven by emotions only.  There is nothing rational going on when I am pushed up against a wall or feeling like I am threatened or being made to look like a fool.

Reading this first chapter in the Dare gives me a new perspective on how I need to learn to change who I am and how I react to situations.  I do not know exactly how that will work at this time but I am anxious to find a new way that will honor my hubby, honor God and will allow me to feel like the issue is being handled properly.  As we dig more into this journey I am sure these tools will come to me and as I make more time to learn the Word of God I am hoping to find my answers there as well.  It is my intention to find peace in my life, give peace to my marriage and grow as a person.  I just hope that my hubby will be with me along the way, in every way and together we can grow into a stronger marriage.

~Mellie

I had do do everything in my power to keep from reading Michelle's blog, to help frame my response. I thought well let's see what she has to say before I decide how yesterday went. Even though many of you agree with me, I'm sure, that this is a sensible approach, my understanding of this blog is that I am supposed to have my own feelings and thoughts, independent of hers. This is going to be hard work!

I can't help but to notice several paragraphs above, however, that appear to be approximately ten sentences each. Perhaps I should increase my font. I do not have several paragraphs worth of material. In fact, I fear, I can some up yesterday in a few sentences:

Yesterday was a good day. Michelle and I were both coming down from the high of her birthday weekend. What could possibly be a point of contention? As I was driving home, I could sense her concern and impatience. Well, maybe it was less of a "sense" or more of, I read her texts. I was 17 minutes later than projected. The troops (Mellie) were getting restless.

Today, I am sorry to say I got confused with "Day 2" versus "Day 3". This means, I thought today was the day I was supposed to call her out of the blue and tell her I was thinking of her, at least once. I performed this task twice today. Unfortunately, I have the wrong day. Today, I am supposed to do something unexpectedly nice. While I initially felt that coming home on-time as expected would in fact qualify as something unexpectedly nice, I fear that feeling may not be mutual. So, while I feel slightly robbed, apparently I called home for no apparent reason and in fact have to still do something unexpectedly nice. I am drawing a blank, but am confident I will succeed.

Reading the first chapter of the dare reminded me I need to learn to shut my mouth, and listen. Yes, I have plenty to say. And, I might add, I have a self-proclaimed proven track record of being right....approximately 33 years straight. I am learning that in a relationship there is no right or wrong, there is only a "US". The point is not to "win" an argument, because when someone wins, really everyone is losing. Rather, the point as I understand it, is to be and stay united, communicate your way through issues. I will continue to work on this.

For the record, however.....I am nearly always right. And, I did in fact have several paragraphs worth of material. I hereby declare Day 1 a success.

~Joseph
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