If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards. The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with. By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think. It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.
Sometimes I can get lost in my own head, my own reality and it can bring me to a point of weakness. Others might try and tell me my feelings or thoughts are irrational or emotional. They tell me that my thoughts are not the truth, and that I only make them the truth in my mind but in the end I usually end up being correct and have a good sense of what is real and what is not during hard times. Does this mean I handle it correctly and take the high road in life? Not always.
Life IS emotional. When things happen to us that are out of our control and either threaten us or hurt us, of course the emotions come out and take over. How else would it be? It's emotional when you are in pain, it is emotional when you have been wronged, it's emotional when you find out things are not the way you thought they were.. This does not make any of us emotionally unstable, it makes us human. But what it does do to us all is prevents us from living.
I am...... alive.
Am I, really?
There are days in life where I do not want to get out of bed. My alarm will go off at 5:30am and my first thought is "No, not again." As if I had hoped when I laid my head on my pillow the night before I would wake up in Heaven surrounded by God, my family and the warmth and love of the Heavens. But instead I am in my bed, in the dark facing another day. A day of uncertainty and sometimes full of fear.
When I pulled this "I am" card out of the bag this morning I teared up. The statement of being alive really made me look at my life in a deeper way for a moment.
Am I alive?
Do I live my life to the fullest? Do I live each day the best way I can? Do I honor, love and respect MYSELF each day fulfilling the command of God to live life? ("But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness." ~Galatians 5:22) If I have to be honest, which of course I will be, the answer is no.
Yes, I live life. My Facebook is full of pictures, full of smiles from me and my littles, funny status updates, thoughtful status updates, adventures, silly quotes from my littles, silly quotes with pictures. Fun and harmless bantering between friends and myself. But if I really take a deep look into my world, especially over the past year, the answer is no, I am not living the life I set out to live.
I am in a mode that I like to call "Fake it till you make it." I have really been living this way for sometime now. Does this mean I am a fake person, HELL NO!. I am about as real as you can get and sometimes too real for others to accept. But "Fake it till you make it" means when I am low or not feeling myself I will still walk around with a smile on my face. If I am angry with someone and we have unresolved issues I will still smile and be friendly with them even though on the inside I am struggling. When I do not feel like working out, of course I go to the gym and do my workout anyway. These little actions each day, all day everyday is how I live my life. I am focused on being able to get through the moment, the hour
and the day rather than taking the time to enjoy those moments. This does not mean I do not enjoy my moments. If you see a picture of me at a game or with my littles and we are laughing, or smiling don't think I am crying on the inside.. I am not. What I am saying is I can do a better job at my life.
What today's "I am" card says to me is that it's time I stop living this way. It's time that I really live like I am alive and try and have joy in my life instead of stress, worry or pain. It's time to go out and make a new reality for myself and try and live in each moment rather than just trying to get through it. Instead of worrying about the future or thinking about the past I just need to live... right here.. right now.. in THIS moment. This moment is the only moment I am guaranteed and I want to make sure I give it the ultimate respect it deserves.
I do not regret my past or feel remorse for the way I have lived. My past has brought me to this very moment today where I sit and when I look around at my family I know I am blessed. I would never regret a moment, no matter how painful it was or how ridiculous I may have acted because it brought me here and and made me.. me!!! I am still continuing to grow as a person, a mother, and a friend. I can accept my past and look forward to my future but live in the moment of now and enjoy that moment more than I have been. I need to learn to let go of fear and the power it has over me. By doing this and other small acts I know that I can change the way I live my life, the way I think and the way I act to not only better myself but also better the example for my children and friends.
The wonderful thing about each new day is that you are given the chance to do it better than the day before. You're given the chance to learn from the day before and apply it to each day to help YOU on the path to the life you were meant to be living. Each day is a brand new slate that is wiped clean and a brand new lease on life and I am going to do everything in my power to enjoy the clean slate!
"I am".... alive and "I am"..... ready to get busy living.
Make it a great day!