Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

What is home......

"Never make your home in a place.  Make a home for yourself inside your own head.  You'll find what you need to furnish it-memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things.  That way it will go with you wherever your journey."  ~Tad Williams

As part of my journal challenge this is what has been presented to me today:

"I am going to ask that you write three things you are really grateful for today before you even get started.  Then, How do you describe home?

  1. I am grateful for my friend who is always there for me.  She never judges me, never lectures me and only encourages me and reminds me that I am a beautiful person inside and out who motivates others even on my darkest days.
  2. I am grateful for grace
  3. I am grateful for pictures.  They serve as a memory of good times, growth and changes in the lives of my family.  I love going back and looking at pictures of myself, my hubby and our kids over the years.

When first presented with the question "How do you describe home" of course my mind went to the dwelling I live in.  But as I sit and stare at the computer screen my mind wonders to other areas of my brain.

Home is love.  Home is where I feel safe, the light shines on my face at all times and love surrounds me like a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer.  Home is a quiet and peaceful place that is also full of the noise of children playing, dogs barking and laughter.  Home is where there are no fears, no secrets, no lies and no second guessing.  Home is full of patience, grace, forgiveness and growth. Home is a place where I breathe easily and sleep soundly.  Home is where I sing and where music surrounds me daily.  Home is the warmth of a touch and the softness of a kiss.  Home is butterflies and excitement filled with the anticipation of the what the day will bring.  Home is a smile that shines ear to ear on all my children, my hubby and myself.  Home is the ultimate love.  


Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Mellie The Pisces.... I will walk on the water too......

The Pisces Woman: February 19 - March 20
The Pisces temperament is gentle, romantic, caring, compassionate, and spiritual. Pisces rules the subconscious mind, and so it follows that her dreams are vivid and meaningful, even prophetic. You've got quite a glamorous sparkler on your hands--Elizabeth Taylor, Sharon Stone and Cindy Crawford are all dazzling Pisces, and each in their own way reflects the reserved and unpretentious Pisces nature. Your Pisces enchantress almost always has large and beautiful eyes which mirror her feelings openly and she could be prone to cry easily. Soft and ultra-feminine, she will put your needs ahead of hers.

                    Her feelings are very sensitive and easily hurt, so be careful how you address her. In any relationship, she likes to proceed gradually, perhaps at a slower pace than you would like. But rush her and your little fish will disappear into the depths of the sea.

                    She's mystical and poetic and she needs a regular outlet for her creative expressions. Her sign rules all non-verbal communication--symbols, gesture, dance, art, and poetry--and the Pisces woman is highly intuitive. She trusts her feelings and she reads body language perfectly, so don't try to say one thing and mean another--she will catch on quickly. Pisces will need to be alone occasionally to recharge and refresh herself, so allow her time for that. 
She's caring and sensitive to her man, but can easily be so self-effacing that she forgets her own needs. Her urge to relieve suffering in others is as strong as the life force and it is the single most important element of her nature to understand. Some people will sometimes take advantage of her good nature. Her man should help her by reminding her that it's OK to say no to favors others ask of her. At times the world can have a wearing-down effect on her self-confidence, which sometimes needs rebuilding in even the strongest Pisces women. When Pisces is hurt, she will build her own version of the world to protect herself, preferring to live in a world of dreams until she feels she is ready for re-entry into reality. Realize this is not a weakness--she will always come back--and the worst thing you could say to this fragile beauty is "Get real, or get over it!"

                    Give her a book of romantic poetry, like that of Edna St. Vincent Millay or a beautiful black & white photograph of a couple kissing. Or give her music, perhaps something soothing and spiritual, that will speak to her feelings she holds deep inside her. 
Buy her clothing in one of her favorite shades of violet, blue or sea green. She loves lace, and soft sweaters that make her feel warm and secure.  Sparkling jewels look especially beautiful on her, so consider surprising her with diamonds, amethysts or aquamarine stones. In choosing a restaurant, pick a dark, private, romantic place filled with flowers. She loves to dance (Pisces rules the feet) so take her to a club with a great band. She also loves the movies, for her ruler, Neptune, rules film and she can easily lose herself in the story. Finally, surprise her a deluxe shower head for her bathroom (Pisces is a water sign), promising her that the two of you will play under it soon.
Sex to Pisces is spiritual. She simply cannot sleep with a man she isn't in love with. She's worth waiting for--her natural sense of rhythm and grace in body movement makes her a fabulous lover. This does not preclude her from having fun with her lover--that is a certainty--but she will need a full commitment of love from you before surrendering.
No other sign loves costume and fantasy as much as Pisces does, so when you get to know her well, suggest you both go shopping together for an outfit to wear in the bedroom--a French maid? Cleopatra? Elvira, Mistress of the Dark? Her rich imagination needs fantasy, so you will be on the right track. If she is a reserved Pisces, give her a gift-wrapped bottle of her favorite scent tucked inside the pocket of a new luxurious terry robe. She'll be happy to try her new robe on and her rule will be that she wear nothing else. Then draw her close to you, turn on the water in the bath and take a long, passionate and steamy soak together. Afterwards, be sure to rub on some of the softy scented cream that you bought and let nature take its course!
My hubby and I were out last night together for dinner and as a chance to unwind together.  We were sitting at the bar at a local establishment that we love to go to when a woman, two chairs over from me grabbed my attention by commenting on the jewels I was wearing.  She shared with me how she admired my wedding ring and the contrast it had with my watch as well as a pink gem ring I was wearing.  As I humbly thanked her I caressed the back of my hubby and advised the woman that I was very spoiled.  She then noticed the ring on the hand I used to caress the back of my hubby and asked if she could see it.
This ring is my newest gift for our anniversary this last December.  It is a square amethyst surrounded by pink and white diamonds and it is simply stunning.  The woman questioned my date of birth to which I said "February 25th."  She smiled and said "Mine is February 23rd."  We exchanged a smile and I said "Power to the Pisces."
The woman gave me the warmest look and we began to have a simple yet moving exchange of thoughts.  For the purpose of describing this exchange I am going to call her Mary.
Mary:  "We are VERY intuitive."
Me:  "Yes...?"
Mary:  "It is something many do not understand, but ( as she leans back in her chair and straightens her back as if to drive her point home)  We are very intuitive and need to learn to embrace that strength." 
Me:  "It's funny that you say that I am looking to explore that side of me more so I can understand it better."
Mary:  May I ask how old you are?
Me:  "40 years old."
Mary:  "It was just about that time for me that what I was feeling WAS real.  Stop trying to tell yourself it is not real.  It is real, everything you feel is real and you need to understand it and accept it."
Me:  "Wow, those are some powerful words."
Mary:  "Do you get it?"
Me:  "Yes, I get it."
Mary:  It REALLY is what you are feeling, stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
Me:  "Okay."
A few moments later my hubby and I got up to leave for the night.  Mary's words were ringing in my head and I was almost in a state of being numb.  I felt as if this stranger had just spoken to my soul and answered my questions I had been having in my most inner thoughts for months. 
I walked over to her chair and I put my hand on her shoulder and said to her, " Thank you for your words, you will never understand the impact they had on me and will continue to have on me and  I appreciate you sharing them with me."  Mary smiled and said "It's divine intervention."  I looked at her and said "It must be."  Mary said one last thing to me, "Remember, what you feel is real...don't let those feelings kick you in the ass!"  We wished each other well and to have  safe night and off my hubby and I went.
I shared this experience with two of m girlfriends who one told me Mary was a gift from God, he hand delivered a message to you  and the other told me the answers were in front of me.
It is amazing the people we meet in our lives and it is even more amazing how the ones we will never see again can touch us in a way that may not fully be understood.
My blog yesterday was about learning more about myself.  Three hours after that bog was this encounter and I what I learned is I need to be more open to people around me that I do not know, their messages and what I may teach them or what they can teach me.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Great things just don't happen......

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” ― Marilyn Monroe
For a while now I have been mucking through my life. First it seemed like it was just a few days here and there, however the days turned into weeks and now have evolved into months. I could not really put my finger on what exactly was wrong or missing in my life but I just knew that I was not feeling myself. I tried to play it off that it was the MS. Rationalized it by saying my body was not use to the daily injections of my medication and was probably messing with my system, thus messing with my mind and my moods. Don't misunderstand me, looking in from the outside I was still Mellie. I was still working, going to the gym, taking care of my hubby, kids and friends and I still had that Mellie smile on my face. But on the inside, I was a child in a ball on the floor in the corner of a room sobbing. Life has a funny way of tossing you some major situations to deal with. Sometimes you get the same situation handed to you repeatedly. Just when you think you made it and overcame that obstacle the same obstacle wearing different sheep skin comes at you again and you are back at square one wondering "why the hell does this keep happening to me?"

I am a person of Faith. I truly believe in my heart that there is a God and a Heaven and one day I will be lucky enough to live out my Eternity there with my loved ones. Along with this faith comes an understanding that if I pray hard enough and I try and be the best person I can be then God will grant me the life I so badly want. This life is not a life of luxury. It is not a life of unimaginable trips. It is not a life of possessions. The life I desire is a life of love and peace where every day I can feel safe in my skin, in my heart. It's a life wherein I am so strong—I can demonstrate to my children that they have the ability to have this life too, without having to go through the years of struggles that I have endured. A few weeks ago I found myself on a path I had been on before but never thought I would be on again. Just like that I was swooped back into chaos and self-destruction feeling as if I was drowning in a sea. The details of the event never matter, because it is never about the event. The real message and lesson is beyond the actual event that can bring you to your knees and it's up to us to understand what the lesson is. I feel as humans we are so quick to place blame and excuse our own actions that take part in a problem that we forget to look for the lesson in it all. With this event all the past months finally became clear to me and I knew what was wrong. I have lost my faith. Here I thought something medically was going on with me but I forgot to think about my soul and what was spiritually going on instead. I have no faith left. This does not mean I do not believe in God, it just means I can no longer hear him inside of my soul and heart. Has there been so much pain, so much devastation and anger in my life that I have pushed Him out of my soul? This is a very hard topic for me to discuss, not only because it scares me to know I have lost my faith it also shows a weakness in me that I do not like to show. 
The battle in my mind and my heart is more than anyone can fully understand, including myself. My battle is not a battle of suicidal thoughts, but there is not one day I do not wish God would just take me home... today.  
I feel like God has brought me here for a reason. He has not abandoned me, but He has removed himself so that I can see a bigger picture and a bigger lesson in my life.  I sit in this dark place, lost, alone and to find the ultimate love and ultimate peace and to be brought back into the grace of God.

I joined an on line journaling  challenge this week.  The purpose of this challenge is to learn to dedicate time to journal as a form of meditation, exploring myself and possibly taking it to another level of "writing."   The first challenge topic today is:

"What is something you want to know MORE about?"

This comes to me at the perfect time due to the state my mind is currently in.  Here I feel I have lost my faith and rather than sitting her and feeling sorry for myself or continue to feel lost I see this as a chance to explore my faith and learn more about it.  Learn more about the words of the bible, learn more about my purpose on this Earth, learn more about myself and learn more about the person I am and who I want to continue to grow to be.  So if I had to say what that something is, that I want to learn more about,  I would say it is me!!!!!

I have to feel my way through my darkness and I have to find the light.  My life is full of love, family and friends and I can not be sitting in this place long I have too much going for me and I have too many people who depend on me.  I have asked for help from a few people to help "save me" but in the end I have to turn to God to save me and I have to look within myself to save me, no one can do it for me.  I can depend on others but I can not sit and wait for them to save me.

This journey is going to take me back to my childhood, I just know it.  This is a topic of my life that I avoid at all costs because when I look back on it as an adult it is so sad to me.  My thoughts have always been do not look back only look forward but I am learning, for myself, I have to express these painful memories so that I can wrap my head around them, embrace them, understand them, understand the lesson and then move on so I can put them to bed. 

This will not make me weak, this will not mean I am living in the past or using my childhood as an excuse but rather a chance to evaluate that time in my life and put it to rest.  Put my feelings I had during the time out there to be accepted and understood and then understand how it has made me who I am today.

This will be an interesting journey for me and one that I am a little nervous about but I truly feel is right for me at this time.  It all starts with today, and I believe I am headed in the right direction.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Being open to the energy

"A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."~Proverbs 17:22

I have always been a person who sways back and forth on being positive and negative in regards to situations in my life.  When I am called upon to help someone or be the sounding board for someone else, my mind set instantly changes to positive and I can pull out support like no other.  When I am alone in my own thoughts and have to support my situations it can be a different story for me.

I know and understand positive thinking can change your life. I understand it can change the way your body reacts to sickness and stress.  I understand positive thinking can change the way people react
to you... I get all of this and believe it 100%.

Positive thinking does not mean you keep your head buried in the sand and pretend negative things are not going on around you.  It means that you attempt, in the best of your ability,  to approach those negative situations with a different outlook.  Perhaps you talk to yourself, telling yourself it's not that bad or there could be worse things.  Perhaps you look at the situation from a different perspective allowing you to find peace in what may be going on around you.  Or perhaps you just come to the understanding that you can not control this moment so you are going to make the best of it.  Positive thinking has a million different definitions, but it's up to each of us to find out what works best.

Yesterday I was introduced to a person who was to assist me in healing myself.   I am not going to give this man a title or a predetermined label, I am only going to refer to him as someone who has a light within himself that he shares with others who needs it.

I spent two hours with this man, who I will call Jack. Jack has the ability to see things, feel things as well as the ability to share messages that he gets from other "beings" that he then passes on.  Jack wants to help me understand that I have the ability to bring light not only into my life but into the lives of others.  Jack advised me that I hold onto things so tightly that they are affecting my body and I am preventing the ability to allow new light and love to come into my life. 

Jack says the energy that I hold onto in my body is like pond water.  Stale, stagnate and icky.  Jack advised me that my energy is meant to be like a light on a street corner.  He advised me when the world is full of darkness and there is only one light  lite on the street... that one light is me.  He advised me that people are drawn to me and that light, but that at this time I only allow it to shine partially.

 Jack continued to share with me that because I have closed myself down to my own energy I have also closed myself down to healing and letting go of the past.  I hold so tightly onto feelings and past hurts that it just sits inside me with no where to go and no way to heal.  I could go on about this meeting, and I am sure I will in other blogs, but the first message I want to share and be able to really focus my attention on is allowing to let go.  

Jack could not have been more spot on with me and that lack of my ability to let go of the past.  Regardless of how strong I feel or think I am in the moment, not releasing those feelings or past experiences has continued to reside in my body and soul.  

According to the articles on Science and Meditation by Anando:

Socrates said that energy, or soul, is separate from matter, and that the universe is made of energy – pure energy which was there before man and other material things like the earth came along.
However at the end of the seventeenth century Newtonian physics became the corner-stone of science, and it was based on the theory that there is only matter and nothing else – the whole universe is a machine, made of matter, and so are we. Medical science is still stuck in the Newtonian concept, even though the rest of science has now moved on to quantum physics.

Quantum physics says that as you go deeper and deeper into the workings of the atom, you see that there is nothing there – just energy waves. It says an atom is actually an invisible force field, a kind of miniature tornado, which emits waves of electrical energy.
Those energy waves can be measured and their effects seen, but they are not a material reality, they have no substance because they are… well, just electricity. So science now embraces the idea that the universe is made of energy.

We are of course made up of atoms. And atoms are continuously giving off, and absorbing, light and energy, all the time. It doesn’t stop even when we sleep. Every cell in the body has its atoms lined up in such a way that it has a negative and a positive voltage, inside and outside. So every cell in our body is a miniature battery. Each cell has 1.4 volts of energy – not much, but when you multiply by the number of cells in your body (50 trillion) you get a total voltage of 700 trillion volts of electricity in your body.  This is what the Chinese call ‘chi’, and is also the energy used in hands on healing. 

The understanding that I am coming to is learning how to process that we are all made up of energy.  Not only are we made of energy but we have the ability to CONTROL that energy.  We have the ability to project our own energy onto one another to assist that person in their needs.  We have the ability to control our energy within ourselves to find a better balance in our bodies allowing the body to function properly.  

So many times I have felt in my own life a feeling of heaviness and being weighed down.  I will not pretend to understand fully how this has affected my life, my relationships, my family and my friends.  But what I am coming to understand is it doesn't have to anymore. 

When I was diagnosed with MS I was told I needed to change my life.  I needed to slow down, reduce my stress and find ways to prevent relapses.  One of the suggestions I read about was having energy work done.  I recall at the time thinking to myself, I am not a person of the Heavens and stars and the universe being lined up.  I don't care what my astrological sign is or what message I put out into the universe.  To me it was all whack-a-doo talk.

Yet after meeting with Jack yesterday and he being able to sense my energy and share things with me I feel as if a door is starting to open.  This does not mean you are going to see me lighting candles or putting crystals all over my house but it does mean that I am going to allow myself to look at my life from another point of view.

When I train people to get healthy and they share with me all the tricks they are doing or all the shortcuts they are taking I always come back to one question for them...... "How is that working for you?"  The answer is the same... it's not or they wouldn't be seeking my assistance.  The same applies to understanding the energy in my own body and how it affects me on a daily bases. 

Because I finally am able to accept that my body is full of energy and that my energy is not flowing as it should I am excited to venture out into the world and start learning and speaking to others about energy work.  I really feel like this meeting with Jack came at a moment not too soon.  As I have spent the past few weeks having relapses with the MS and virtually not changing much in my life I feel like his introduction is my slap in the face, if you will, to finally dig in deep and learn how to control my energy.

So many of us have so much to offer one another when it comes to our daily lives. We support each other, we listen to one another and we offer advise or wisdom.  But are we properly functioning inside allowing the energy that has been given to us to flow and heal ourselves?  Are we holding on to old stagnant water that is sitting like a dirty pond inside us trying to grow disease and disrepair?  

Life has never been black or white for me, there has always been other options and views.  There has always been hope followed with prayers.  There is still room for all of that but now I think it's time to look to another way of life and look towards the light and energy inside myself and see what I really am capable of doing.  I truly believe as well, that energy work is going to help and reduce my MS symptoms, and prevent further growth.

Time to release this ball of energy and see what the world has in store for me now!

 Make it a great day~




Monday, November 25, 2013

MS and exercising

"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." ~Proverbs 13:4

The day I was diagnosed this October with MS my Neurologist, Dr. Zarellie, discussed with my hubby and I not only my medication plan but also how important it was for me to get plenty of exercise.  

Dr. Zarellie explained to me that patients with MS who participated in aerobic activity tended to have less symptoms and relapses than those who do not. My hubby was quick to point out to Dr. Zarellie that I had been working out and actually transformed my body over the past few years with exercise and nutrition.  Dr. Zarellie contributed my lack of further development in MS due to the fact that I was so active while not on any kind of medication.

Knowing that aerobic exercise would possibly decrease my flare ups and possibly prevent anymore lesions from developing you would have thought I would have been on my treadmill that night running my little heart out.  However, that was not the case.

Much like my other posts I have found myself up and down in emotions towards this disease and how it is and will affect my life.  Knowing that there is a disease inside my body has taken a toll on me in more ways than I had ever expected.  There are days I am so angry that this is happening to me I want to scream out to my God asking why.  With all the struggles in my life as a child, a young adult and even now, why do I have to have this on top of it?  But with those fleeting moments of anger, bitterness and hate I tell myself I have to calm down and just deal with it just like I deal with everything else.

I have a Facebook page called "The Monthly Challenge" I created this page about two years ago and I use it to help motivate other people on how to change their lives and get healthy.  I talk about food, workouts, water consumption... anything and everything to try and help just one person change their life for the better and live the life they were meant to live.  I am finding that running this page is not only helping others it is helping me get myself back on track.  

On most days I will put out a daily challenge for the members of this page.  Heading into this week I decided there was to be an AM challenge for all willing to participate.  The AM challenge is a 35 minute cardio session.  It can be running, walking or doing the following routine that I created:

The purpose for the AM challenge for the members of the page is to burn stored fat.

This must be done within 20 minutes of waking up.

As Coach Dos discusses in his book Power Training, when you eat carbohydrates, your body stores them as glycogen in your liver and waits for your body to use them as fuel. When performing an aerobic activity, like walking, running on a treadmill, or doing a body weight cardio session your body has the option of using glycogen stores or fat stores. The problem is that your body won’t use any fat stores until your glycogen stores are used up.

At REST, your body burns its stored glycogen. Think as carbs/ glycogen as fuel in a gas tank. Your liver is your bodies' gas tank, and the carbs/glycogen is it's fuel.

After sleeping for 8 hours, you wake with an empty liver (no stored glycogen). Your body now MUST and WILL burn fat stores to fuel your am cardio session....provided you do not eat (which refills your liver/fuel tank).

So when you awake and cardio on an empty stomach, you WILL BURN FAT STORES.

It is imperative that you eat within 20 minutes of completing your cardio so your body does not consume it's muscle that you already have to continue to fuel your movement.
The purpose for the members of the page is to get them up and  moving to help reduce their stored fat,  but the purpose for ME is to assist in my MS as described by The National MS Society.
"In addition to being essential to general health and well-being, exercise is helpful in managing many MS symptoms. A study published by researchers at the University of Utah in 1996 was the first to demonstrate clearly the benefits of exercise for people with MS. Those patients who participated in an aerobic exercise program had better cardiovascular fitness, improved strength, better bladder and bowel function, less fatigue and depression, a more positive attitude, and increased participation in social activities. Since 1996, several additional studies have confirmed the benefits of exercise." ~National MS Society
I could have came up with a handful of excuses of why I did not want to do my cardio session today, one of them being my hubby had already given me my injection.  But I knew as I stood there staring at my treadmill that was all it was... an excuse.  I deserved to get my cardio session done. I deserved to treat my body the way it should be treated and no matter what kind of pain my leg was in I knew I had to push through it.
Having MS is about changing your current life in anyway you can to improve your ability to live a normal life.  It's about learning how to reduce stress and accepting what you have and making the best of it.  MS, for me, is about not being a victim of the disease but triumphing over it while they find a cure.  To do that I have to live the best possible life I can live and do everything in my power to do so.  For me, today, that was 35 minutes of a cardio session.... and now I feel on top of the world!

I finished my run/cardio session off with a cool down period and a song that really spoke to me this morning.  The words of this song speak to me because in MS we have black days, stormy nights but if we get our minds right... our lives right and know our God we will hear the sweet song of salvation.
Make it a great day today!  

The Cross Lyrics

Black day, stormy night
No love, no hope in sight
Don't cry, He is coming
Don't die without knowing the cross

Ghettos to the left of us
Flowers to the right
There'll be bread for all of us
If we can just bear the cross

Sweet song of salvation
A pregnant mother sings
She lives in starvation
Her children need all that she brings

We all have our problems
Some big, some are small
Soon all of our problems
Will be taken by the cross

Black day, stormy night
No love, no hope in sight
Don't cry for He is coming
Don't die without knowing the cross, no

Ghettos to the left of us
Flowers to the right
There'll be bread for all, y'all
If we can just, just bear the cross, yeah

We all have our problems
Some are big, some are small
Soon all of our problems, y'all
Will be taken by the cross, no

The cross
The cross