Things I have learned while on this earth......

ALWAYS trust your gut. Tell people you love them. Life is short. Forgive but don't forget. Learn to love yourself. Accept things. Always do what you want, not what others tell you to do. Love your babies, they grow and move out and move on. Be social. Meet new people. Travel. Scream to the top of your lungs at least once a month. Regret is a mother sucker and no matter how much you try and put it out of your mind it's always looming. Work hard, always, at everything. The truth will set you free. Time heals, but not everything. Jealousy is a disease, wish those sick to get better soon. The grass is greener where you water it. Maybe I don't need that many shoes. Be loyal always. Only allow true people in your inner circle. Trust is only earned and should not be given away. Love your body, it's the only thing carrying you around. Love yourself no matter what others pretend to know about you. Teach others to respect you at all times, no passes. Learn to be alone. Laugh as much as you can. Love and pursue God.

When the truth, isn't the truth.....

This is a weird blog for me.  I have had the thoughts of someone weighing on my heart for the past few weeks and can not shake it.  This person is dealing with a situation that has her being lied to over numerous circumstances.  She has spoken to me several times about it and as much as I try and be there for her it appears to me that I am not able to help her solve this issue at this time and that bothers me.

Being lied to is very painful.  There are several types of lies in my world.  There are the white lies that possibly assist you in getting out of doing something or going somewhere.  Then there are the lies that will hurt you or others in your life.  Compulsive lying is the worst.  That's when the person speaking the lies either doesn't know how to speak the truth or just doesn't care enough about anyone else to make is necessary.  This type of liar is only looking out for themselves.

It's my opinion that the basic reasons why people lie are:

1. To get out of trouble.
2. To gain something.
3. Because they fear something.
4. To be thought of better.
5. To hurt someone.

I am not perfect.  I have lied before to try and avoid conflict or to try and protect someone.  It never works out to my benefit and it always bites me in the ass afterwards.  This is a lesson I am continuing to learn.  But no matter what the reasons for my past lies are one thing always stands true, I hate myself afterwards.  No matter how good my intentions were and no matter how much I was trying to protect someone I always have felt awful about not speaking the truth.  I have allowed what I use to hold dear to me, my word, to be tarnished.  This does not mean that I go around lying all the time, what it means is that the times I have lied I hold close to my heart and regret with all my heart. It is my goal to recover from these one day. Which is allowing myself to forgive me.

However, I never lie to hurt someone...EVER!

I have tried to explain to my friend that the person in her life is not trying to hurt her, it's not personal, it's a character flaw of the other party and that the sooner she realizes this the sooner she will be able to make her stand and decision on which way she wants to go with the relationship.  Her feelings run deep and the pain it has caused her haunts her daily.  She feels the person lying to her is basically telling her "You are not worth the truth" and it is my understanding that hurts her more than the what was lied about.

I tried to approach her situation with trying to understand the lies.  When you are lied to the first questions we ask ourselves is why did that person lie?  Did they fear your reaction? Were they trying to hide something they knew you wouldn't approve of? Were they trying to get you to think better about them? Did they know they would get in trouble if they spoke the truth? Were they just trying to hurt you?

The reason for the lie will give you insight into their character. If someone was just trying to get me to think more highly of him or her, I'd be much more inclined to dismiss the lie. But if they were trying to hurt me with the lie, it would be much tougher to trust and dismiss it and this is where she feels she is.  She is caught in the pain of the lie and how what could seem like a simple tale really just indicates that to the person she is not worth the truth and this person does not respect her enough to tell the truth.

I have told my friend it's normal to be hurt and angry about being lied to, especially when it continues to happen over and over again. Being lied to destroys trust and trust can be an impossible thing to recover. I shared with my friend that people need to know she has boundaries. She needs them to understand she can only be pushed so far before the faith she holds will be forever broken.  I advised her that she can not let the other person just  assume that everything they do to her will be tolerated.  There are certain things she can't allow and she needs to make sure the other party knows this. Getting angry or emotional with someone when they lie to you only teaches them so much. And in fact most liars will just accept that this will be apart of the process and know that it might be a rough couple of weeks but the person they lied to will come around like they have in the past.  This becomes a learned behavior and accepted. Thus creating in the liars mind a right of passage to continue.

I don't know the answer for her and as much as I have had it on my mind and in my heart the only thing I can share with her going forward is she has to decided.. when enough is enough.  Sometimes you have to end the friendship or relationship because nothing changes.  She has to be able to accept that the person who lies to her is going to continue to do so and that it's THEIR character flaw and not hers.  I try and tell her that if she really sits and thinks about their past she will be able to see that she is not the only one this person lies to thus proving even more this person will never change. 

I blog about this today in hopes that my friend, who reads my blog, will see the black and white of it all and be able to find peace.  And if there are others out there in her situation as well they will know they are not alone and they are not the only ones suffering.

And to the liars out there too who might be reading this.  Please, stop lying to those people who love and care for you.  You are only hurting those around and there will be a time and day when it will come back and hurt you too.  Maybe you will find yourself alone, maybe you will find yourself without your partner or friends but regardless you're better than the lies you tell.  You can't possibly feel good about yourself all the time knowing these lies are lurking all around you and those in your life look at you and have to ask themselves.....

 "Are they telling the truth THIS time?"

To my friend... I love you, care about you and only want the best for you.  Love yourself as much as I love you and hear me again.... THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU this is a flaw of the person lying to you.  And as much as they claim to love you, which I believe, the love you need to see now is a truthful one.

Here is my song to you today beautiful:

Have a great day everyone!

~Mellie

The Elf on The Shelf.........

Tonight I learned a very good lesson about marshmallows.  If you want to build walls with them and snowmen for your Elf on the shelf scene... buy BIG marshmallows to go along with your small ones.

Tomorrows scene will be a winter wonderland for our Elf, Toto, and his friends Captain America and Superman.  Here in this scene Superman is knocked out by the powerful Elf while Captain America arms himself to try and revenge his friends' honor!


I am confident that the three little kids will be pleased with their Elf and will enjoy the scene.  I just have to make sure I experience it with them so no one sneaks a bite of a marshmallow with Elmer's glue on it.  Elmer's glue won't make you sick... right?

Have a magical day!

~Mellie

The Elf on the Shelf......

Today the kids awoke to our Elf on our formal dinning room table playing a game of scrabble with some friends in the house.  I wanted to make the game even more special by spelling out a message to the kids about them being good.  In addition each player had the names of all the kids in our family spelled out as future moves for the game.  Of course since I have 5 kids with long names our Elf had the names of the three little ones and only their nicknames.  The two smallest kids really enjoyed seeing the game and took a fourth tile holder and spelled out a message to our Elf.... "Your nice"  Proper nouns don't count when you are 6 years old!

My 9 year old daughter, GG, is on to me but she plays along for the sake of her little brother and sister!

Happy Holidays!!!!

~Mellie 

For anyone like me who has missed a night and forgot to move the Elf.. here is a link for you with some great "reason" the Elf did not move.  Ha ha ha ha .. Enjoy!

http://www.yourmodernfamily.com/elf-forgot-to-move/

I am......

If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards.  The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think.  It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.


I am.... growing.

Not everyone grows at the same time, the same rate or with the same intent.  But I do feel that we all have the ability to continue to grow no matter how old we are, if we make the effort.

Character and wisdom are developed in each of us over time. Character and wisdom come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring the unknowns.  If there were a definitive path to happiness and success, everyone would be on it.  The progress we all make in our lives is due to our past failures and experiences.  Our best stories will come from overcoming out greatest struggles.  Our praises will be birthed from our pains.  Life comes with loss, lessons, and triumphs.

Just when I think I am at a place in my life where I am done growing life will change for me and remind me that I am never done.  It is a reminder that I constantly have to be growing, changing and adapting to things and people around me.  With this I have to allow myself to be open to the universe bringing new people and experiences into my life and I have to remember to look for the lessons in everything that comes my way.

I was reminded of this over the weekend.  I had a moment of struggle in life and as painful as it was I tried to back away from the situation to look at it from another point of view to find the lesson for myself that I could carry into the future with me.  It's not always easy to do this, it can be very painful especially if someone is being forceful towards you about the situation.  But what I realized was I do not have to agree with the assessment of  my life by another person but it's in my best interest to analyze it and walk away with a better understanding of myself and how that person fits into my life.  I had a manager once tell me "People's perception of you is 100% the truth."  She advised me that I did not have to agree with the person nor did I have to change who I was but I did have to accept that their perception of me, to them, is 100% THEIR truth and if it matters to me then it was my job to change their perception.  That is a tough pill to swallow but accurate and I was reminded of it this weekend.

I am continually growing.  The day I stop growing I think will be the day I die.  I am always open to being a better person.  I am always open to handling tough situations better than in the past and I am always open to improving my life and the life of my family.  Although I do not always do my best and come up short, I do remind myself that no one is perfect. When faced with an imperfect situation I do not care who you are, we are all human and we all deserve the grace of forgiveness and another chance to make things right for ourselves and with others.

My challenge for myself and for anyone reading this:  Start looking at life’s harsh realities and toughest challenges as friends that are going to help you grow. Find the lessons and do your best to accept them.

I am.... growing.

~Mellie