Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Love Dare-Day Ten

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car. Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love for them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Love is unconditional.  God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  If someone asks "Why do you love your wife?" - What would you say?  Most Men would mention their wife's beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength.  They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.  Women would probably say something about their husbands’ good looks, personality.  They’d commend him for his steadiness and constant character.  But what if over the years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of these things.  Would you still love them?  The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional.  The truth is this:  love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.  Both friendship and sex have an important role in your marriage as do other things.  But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.  Agape love is selfless and unconditional.  Agape love is "in sickness and health." "For richer or poorer" and "for better or worse." this is the only kind of true love there is because this is God's kind of love.  If a spouse says they have fallen out of love with you then they never really loved you unconditionally to begin with.  Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances.

Last night as my hubby and I were winding down in our room together, I thought of my dare for the day.  I tried to think of anything I had done that was out of the ordinary to show my love for my hubby.  I began to feel bad and shameful because even as much as I thought about it during the day I had not come up with anything that I could have done, any small gesture or extra action to show my love for him.  I shared my feelings with my hubby and told him I had failed at the challenge.  He was kind and pointed out to me all the things I do for him daily that show him love, even down to putting an extra plum in his lunch for him.  It made me realize I was looking at this challenge the wrong way.

It's not always black and white, just like marriage there are a lot of grey areas (and even pink if you are married to me!) So I told myself I would look outside of the box of the challenge and find what it was that I was to learn in this chapter.

Unconditional love.

The statement in the book that says "If a spouse says they have fallen out of love with you then they never really loved you unconditionally to begin with."  is a VERY powerful statement to me.  I have unconditional love for my hubby and always have.  It's not a love I have ever shared with anyone else because it has always been so easy for me to walk away from previous relationships and not look back.  This is not the case in my marriage with my hubby.

We are all selfish in some way or another, we all have our weak moments when we forget to think about the other person and how our actions may affect them.  I try and keep this in the forefront of my mind and my marriage..

In the past if I did not agree with something that was going on in our marriage I would fight it tooth and nail.  I would continue to bring it up and put pressure on my hubby in hopes to change the behavior that was occurring.  These past few weeks something spoke to me in my head, God, and showed me I was doing nothing to help my marriage acting like this.  That voice that spoke to me told me it was not changing the behavior, it was only upsetting me and it was pushing my hubby further from me.  So as I prayed  I finally came to realize my fits about the situation was not changing it one bit.  This was a decision my hubby had made and even though it hurts me it was NOT hurting me physically or my family it was only hurting my pride.  And what does the bible say about Pride?

Psalm 10:4 explains that the proud are so consumed with themselves that their thoughts are far from God: “In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.” This kind of haughty pride is the opposite of the spirit of humility that God seeks: “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”

So to show my unconditional love to my hubby I have refrained from asking questions about the situation.  I have refrained from putting myself into a position where I see the situation.  This is my hubby's thing to work out and to do what he feels that he needs to do and I have to let go of it and allow him to.  This behavior is the something out of the ordinary for me to prove to my hubby that my love is based on my choice and nothing elseI love my husband, not because of the life he provides, or because of the hard work he does.  Not because of the father he is to our kids, or because of the things he does for me... I love him because of HIM.  I CHOOSE to give my love to him, unconditionally.



My wife and I have this Facebook thing. It goes something like this, she alleges: I get upset at her for no good reason, and change my profile and cover photos (sans her).

Now, while not stipulating that this is fact, her consistent allegations of the same have begun to make me think that she, at least, believes it to be so. So, for this challenge, I did a little reverse Mexican brown magic...I posted a picture of just her, as my cover for all the world to see.

But not just any picture.

A picture of a young Michelle, new in our relationship, sitting in a kayak...something she never thought she would see...with a literal sea of water before her. She could go anywhere she wants. It was both somewhat dangerous, yet exciting and rewarding---like many of the worthwhile opportunities in our lives (there is risk).

Nearly 10 years later, I am so happy that she chose to go with me. I love this woman. We have been through ups and downs, good times and bad times. I was with her when she nearly died in childbirth. I remember the doctor telling me they were going to put her in a coma, fly her to Seattle, and that I should prepare for the worse and notify all those that may want to see her. It still, to this day, shakes me to my core to know how close I cam to losing her.

Today, she could still go anywhere she wanted. There is a sea of choices before her, but she chooses me. For that reason, and many others, I try each day to do a little more than the day before to express my love for her.

In the picture, although not seen...I am right behind her in that kayak. To me, this is symbolic. In our relationship, Michelle is often at the forefront...often gets the spotlight. I am more than happy to have it this way. But, like the song I posted on her wall yesterday--when she looks around, I will always be there (I promise).

This is what I did yesterday to demonstrate my pure joy in being in our marriage.


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