It has been a tough year for my hubby and I. "They" say the first ten years of marriage is the hardest and I think I can finally say "they" are correct. This week I have been lost in my own mind re-playing the last ten years of my marriage in my head. I have been recalling past events that were great, good and hard. I have been putting pieces together that have not made sense but are finally coming to light. I have been connecting dots on events that have left me less than happy but most of all I have been thinking about the laughs, the adventures and the love that has grown.
Yesterday's chapter was about giving into an area of disagreement between my hubby and I to show him that I am putting his preference first. I feel I have been doing this for quite some time in the last few months in an area that has been very difficult for me to come to terms with. But as anyone who really knows me knows that I only want the best for my hubby, my family and to make them happy and be happy with them.
This year has been a learning year for me as a wife and a woman. I have made some huge mistakes, I have done some things I am not proud of but I have also grew as a person and in my Faith. My hubby knows deep down inside that even though I may "battle" him on certain things, I do put his preference in most areas first. I think what we really learn in this chapter is not how to "give in" to show our love but how to "come together" to show our love. His preference, my preference, neither one of us should be above the other. Really we should be working on how to put ourselves on the same level as one another and show the other that their input is just as important as our own. I do not think we should make decisions about our lives, our money, our future on our own... we should be making them together as a partnership.
I value my husband, I value his opinion, I value his contributions to every part of my life. I care how my actions make him feel, I care how my decisions affect him and I care if he feels like my partner or not. I strive to continue on this path and on the path of a stronger partnership.
I have often said, and I have tried to live by, the concept that there are is no "winner and loser" between my wife and I, in terms of arguments or disagreements. There is only US- we win when we are both able to freely express our emotions and opinions and ultimately come up with a solution that works for everyone.
Sure, this is sometimes easier said than done. There are times when I am so certain I am right, that I feel I need to do what I need to do "because I know it's right." The problem with is, it's not right if my wife feels overpowered or that she has little to no influence in the decision.
I can honestly say for this first time in more than a year, that I feel my wife and I are in a very good place, emotionally, relationship-wise, financially, etc. There are challenges. There are things that will come up that are not on my spreadsheet (I plan for everything!), but I have a sense of peace and calm that has been somewhat elusive over the past several months.
This sense of peace and calm allows me to slow down, and make sure my wife feels part of the process. I want her to know that I do value her opinion--she is incredibly intelligent, and is in a general just a "smart person" that I am lucky enough to be able to get her feelings/opinions.
At the end of the day, is about US. We have this one life...this one marriage. I want my wife to feel she has the partner she has always wanted. I want her to feel safe, secure, happy and blessed. I know I can provide all of these things, sometimes with a simple look or a few seconds of my time to let her know I care.
Each day, I try to improve on the day before. Because as I said, there is no right or wrong, he or she...there is only US.