The Love Dare- Day Twelve

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Love lets the other win-  If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you'd likely be able to do with without thinking very hard.  Sadly, unless someone in your marriage starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your spouse.  Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don't really go away.  You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise and generally one spouse ends up resenting the other.  Jesus gives us an example of how to deal with each other in areas of conflict, it's learning the word "willing." Jesus wants us to follow the progression of His selfless love.  He had every right to refuse becoming man but yielded and did- because He was willing.  He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead.  He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross.  In light of this amazing testimony, the Bible applies to us a one-sentence summary statement:  "Have the attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus."  The very moment one spouse can say to the other, "I'm willing to go your way on this one," the argument will be over.  It may cost you pride and discomfort but you have made a loving and lasting investment in your marriage.  You may fear looking foolish or be at a lost of control, but you've already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen.  You lose control by making the issue at hand more important that your marriage. Instead of treating your wife or husband like your enemy or someone to be guarded against, start be treating them as your closest, most honored friend.  Give their words full weight.

I tell you, that last statement:  "Instead of treating your wife or husband like your enemy or someone to be guarded against, start be treating them as your closest, most honored friend.  Give their words full weight."  Those are some powerful words.

It has been a tough year for my hubby and I.  "They" say the first ten years of marriage is the hardest and I think I can finally say "they" are correct.  This week I have been lost in my own mind re-playing the last ten years of my marriage in my head.  I have been recalling past events that were great, good and hard.  I have been putting pieces together that have not made sense but are finally coming to light.  I have been connecting dots on events that have left me less than happy but most of all I have been thinking about the laughs, the adventures and the love that has grown.

Yesterday's chapter was about giving into an area of disagreement between my hubby and I to show him that I am putting his preference first.  I feel I have been doing this for quite some time in the last few months in an area that has been very difficult for me to come to terms with.  But as anyone who really knows me knows that I only want the best for my hubby, my family and to make them happy and be happy with them.

This year has been a learning year for me as a wife and a woman.  I have made some huge mistakes, I have done some things I am not proud of but I have also grew as a person and in my Faith.  My hubby knows deep down inside that even though I may "battle" him on certain things, I do put his preference in most areas first.   I think what we really learn in this chapter is not how to "give in" to show our love but how to "come together" to show our love.  His preference, my preference, neither one of us should be above the other.  Really we should be working on how to put ourselves on the same level as one another and show the other that their input is just as important as our own.  I do not think we should make decisions about our lives, our money, our future on our own... we should be making them together as a partnership.

I value my husband, I value his opinion, I value his contributions to every part of my life.  I care how my actions make him feel, I care how my decisions affect him and I care if he feels like my partner or not.  I strive to continue on this path and on the path of a stronger partnership.

~Mellie

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I have often said, and I have tried to live by, the concept that there are is no "winner and loser" between my wife and I, in terms of arguments or disagreements. There is only US- we win when we are both able to freely express our emotions and opinions and ultimately come up with a solution that works for everyone.

Sure, this is sometimes easier said than done. There are times when I am so certain I am right, that I feel I need to do what I need to do "because I know it's right." The problem with is, it's not right if my wife feels overpowered or that she has little to no influence in the decision.

I can honestly say for this first time in more than a year, that I feel my wife and I are in a very good place, emotionally, relationship-wise, financially, etc. There are challenges. There are things that will come up that are not on my spreadsheet (I plan for everything!), but I have a sense of peace and calm that has been somewhat elusive over the past several months.

This sense of peace and calm allows me to slow down, and make sure my wife feels part of the process. I want her to know that I do value her opinion--she is incredibly intelligent, and is in a general just a "smart person" that I am lucky enough to be able to get her feelings/opinions.

At the end of the day, is about US. We have this one life...this one marriage. I want my wife to feel she has the partner she has always wanted. I want her to feel safe, secure, happy  and blessed. I know I can provide all of these things, sometimes with a simple look or a few seconds of my time to let her know I care.

Each day, I try to improve on the day before. Because as I said, there is no right or wrong, he or she...there is only US.

-Joseph