"I just want to live my life happy."

I was talking to a friend the other day who started her weight loss journey with me over two years ago.  This friend took a much different route than I did, she went and had a "Mommy makeover."  A mommy makeover, for those who do not know, is a tummy tuck, lipo and a bottom lift.  So basically she has an incision all the way around her torso where the doctor cut out skin and sucked out fat.  It was a HUGE procedure and I have to admit she looked amazing!

I remember at the time being very envious of her because of how great she looked.  Within a few weeks she was out buying new clothes and had this new found self confidence about her and in her marriage.  At the time I was still struggling with what foods to eat and how to work hard enough to burn the fat layers I had from a life of being unhealthy.  But I did not have the cool 25K to lay down for surgery and knew the only way I was going to even get close to her was to just work at it... and work I did.

Fast forward to today and my friend is more overweight than she was prior to her surgery.  I on the other hand am not and have maintained my weight loss since I hit my goal weight in June of this last year.  When I was speaking to my friend about her weight she said to me:

"I realized life is too short and I just want to live my life happy."

These words have haunted my thoughts since her and I spoke.  What is she saying, that becuase I choose to continue to workout and live a healthy lifestyle I am not happy?  Is she saying that she is happier than I am because she threw it all to the wind and eats and drinks whatever she wants and doesn't workout?  Is she saying that she is going to live a longer life than I am because she does what she wants?  This sort of statment has always made me step back and wonder about the person saying it.

Does everyone have to work out like I do?  No.

Does everyone have to eat 90% of their food clean and organic?  No.

Does everyone have to eat six small portions of food a day?  No.

But I CHOOSE to... because this is the lifestyle I have choosen to live.  Does that mean I am not happy, does it mean I am wasting my short life on spending too much time at the gym and thinking about what food I am going to fuel my body with.... NO!  It means I told myself when I started this jounrey it would be a lifestyle change and that is what I have made it.

I love going to the gym.  I enjoy eating clean and eating organic food.  I feel better living my life like this and it does make me a happier person than when I was overweight and eating like crap.  Is my lifestyle any better than anyone else??? No, but it is what I choose and it is what makes me happy.

So if you are one of those people who think.. you would rather live your life happy and eat whatever you want... GREAT!  But don't downplay my choices just because they make you realize you COULD live the life I live too and be just as happy with a little more work.

~Mellie

 

Goals....

I am working with a few ladies to help get them on track to a healthier life.  I asked them all to send me a list of their goals for the year.  These should and can be weight related, personal, family and career.  One of the ladies sent me this email about her goals:

"I have put this off for a few days.

You sent a text a few days back asking us to outline our goals.  

I didn't respond, because to be frank, I couldn't think of any. 

My goal came to my mind tonight.  I was once again, numbing my anger and pain with food.  I stuffed my fat face with one more cookie.  My goal...short or long term...is to like myself again.

I would like to say that I have a goal to be fit...that I would like to eat healthy, take care of my body, and exercise.  

I have no faith in those goals.  I start on a path of health...and am always derailed.  Some life stress occurs and I am back to food...my faithful friend.

Food doesn't judge me.  Food doesn't make me feel stupid.  Food doesn't make me feel unwanted or unloved.  Food doesn't make me feel unimportant.

Food doesn't really make me feel anything apart from numb.  

I am ashamed to admit this...but for the first time in my life...I really don't like myself.  Call it depression...call it bitching...whatever.  The truth is, I have given up on me and my body reflects that.  Hell, my life reflects that.

I tried to talk to my husband about some of these issues.  He rejects this kind of talk.  To be fair, there is a lot that I have been stuffing (apart from food) and it is probably irrational to assume that he is capable of absorbing my pain at once.

My fear...and probably my reality...is that he really doesn't care about my pain...me.  

I am tired.  Tired of whining to myself about my weight.  Tired of saying I am going to get up and exercise and then not putting my shoes, clothes and water by the bed so as to facilitate that happening.  I am tired of cookies and carbs of any sort.  Tired of folding my stomach over my pants.  Tired of knowing I look terrible.  Tired of shortening my life.

Tired of me.  

I am grateful to you for not giving up on me.  It gives me the tiniest spark of hope that if you think that I am capable of more than this...that I might be.

Here is what I would like to say are my goals.

I currently weight 171 pounds...yeah, pick yourself up off the floor.  I have decided to quit lying about myself.

I would like to weigh between 140 and 145.  I think that 150 is probably more doable.  I would like to leave heartburn behind.  I would like to eat healthy most of the time but slip a treat in when I feel like it...not when I feel compelled or stressed.  I would like to exercise 5 - 6 days a week...including healthy activities with my son or husband.  I would like to eat food that gave me energy, lifts my mood and awakens my spirit.  I would like to see myself fit...lean...not necessarily muscle-y but toned.  

I think that I could like that person.

Just not sure that I know how to get there."

My heart aches for my friend because I know how exactly she feels.  There was a time, when I first started my own journey in loosing weight that I felt these same emotions.

One thing I try and share with everyone who is starting a weight loss journey or a lifestyle change is that they have to take it one day at a time.  If you look at all that upsets you, all the hurts, all that you fear.. you will never start.

I feared the gym.  I made every excuse in the book with my hubby on reasons I did not want to go.  So I lived with those excuses but really focused on my food and just moving my body.  I knew I had to hit a certain caloric deficit each day and if I could do that without going to the gym and still eating good then I celebrated that.  If you take on too much it will overwhelm you and make you feel as if you can not do anything... so then you don't.

I have helped this person before but it has been different.  She needs extra care and extra time.  She needs to understand that we have to breakdown her goals into more obtainable little goals that we can do at a time.  Then as she starts to hit those smaller goals she will begin to understand that she can do this and she will feel better about it.

I am going to suggest to her that she do a vision wall as well.  Pictures are a wonderful and positve way to remind oursleves where we are headed.  I had one when I first started and it had great quotes on it as well.

My heart aches for my friend and for how she is feeling but I am excited too because even though she can not see it.. I know she is strong.  I know she has the will to do this and I know if I can just get her to understand that it's time to start caring for her that she will begin to see a new light of day and the world will not seem so heavy.

Make is a great day today!

~Mellie 

  

Plans for the upcoming year

I refuse to make resolutions, something about the concept just bothers me. Maybe it's because as a teenager I made them all the time with friends. I would write my resolutions down, and then hide them somewhere in my room. Sure enough, months later I would look at them and be no closer to what I wanted to achieve.

Now I set goals for myself. Maybe it's just a play on words but it works for me and I'm able to set my sight on them. In the next week I'm going to really work on my goals for the upcoming year. They will be personal goals, family goals, faith goals and career goals.

Another thing I will be doing is making a vision wall. Much like a vision board but on my wall in my office. My vision wall will be a reflection of my goals. By putting my goals down and then seeing a photo of some sort that will refer to my goals will keep them in the forefront of my mind.

I have used vision boards in the past when I started my weight journey and my Maxformation, I'll post a picture of my one for 2013 when it's done.

I'm excited for this new year. I learned a lot in 2012 but I'm looking forward to putting it behind me.

If you have goals for the upcoming year or next few months I highly suggest a vision board of some type. Share your goals with friends or family. By getting your goals out into the public it can make you more accountable to stick to them. If you want to share with me, email me - I would love to see them.

It's a new year.. A new chance to do things better and a new chance to live the life you were meant to live!

Happy New Year!

~Mellie

Godsmack!!!!!!

Last night I shared my issues with allowing myself to let go of my worries and give it to God.... today the first post I see on Facebook is from Joyce Meyer Ministries and her update says:

"Give God your problems and allow Him to give you solutions."

If that is not a God smack, I do not know what is!!

Last night I was struggling with my worries and with my fears.  I had a small issue arise that set me into my pattern of spinning and letting my mind wonder and take me to a dark place full of fear.  So rather than acting on this emotion I set myself down and wrote a journal about it.  I read some scripture and I prayed, and prayed and prayed.  After only a short time I was able to calm myself down and fall asleep and not obsess over it.  Thank you God!!!

I woke up this morning and for a few moments a few times I thought of this situation again but just told myself "Mellie, let it go... you asked God to take it and take care of it~now let Him do what He has promised to do for you."  with that I have put it out of my mind and my heart feels lighter.

I have to say that even though this was a small accomplishment I am going to celebrate it because I was able to not act on those emotions and I was able to do what I set out to do... keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor praying.  I hope this will be the first of many accomplishments as I learn to grow into a stronger faith and a better relationship with God.

Happy New Year to anyone reading this.  I hope if you struggle with letting things go you will join me in my journey to allow God to handle our problems and for us to become worry free.  See you in the New Year.

~Mellie

Dear 30 something Mellie...

Dear 39 year old Mellie,

This is the last December you will spend in your 30's. soon just like the calendar your age is going to flip into a new number count.

The age you use to fear and joke about is no longer around the bend in the road, it's at the next stop sign.

But Mellie, don't fear your age because it doesn't define you. Being 40 Is going to be a privilege for you. It will mark a new era in your life, a new chapter that will eventually bring you a new sense of peace if you allow it.

In this next chapter of life focus On Your walk with God. Don't wait for someone to lead you to that relationship, go out and seek it on your own. Read God's word daily and learn the scriptures and understand that God loves you unconditionally.

No matter what happens in your earthly life the real purpose is your after life.

Mellie don't spend time worrying about other people whether they like you or not. Some people are just mean spirited and will find reasons to hate on you. Some will be jealous of you, your family, who you are married to and your success. Some will just be mean people. Don't spend time trying to figure it out and fix it. Just let go and move on.

Mellie, life was not meant to be lived in fear. Find your peace and strength in God and allow him to do his work. No matter what may or may not happen to you... You can only control so much. Let go of all that struggle and know no matter what... You will survive.

Mellie many people share with you how proud they are of you or how they admire you for your strength and dedication. Many tell you that you inspire them and they look up to you. HEAR these people and take their words to heart.

You are a good person, a good wife, a good friend and a great mother. Embrace these qualities and let them thrive in your 40's. walk through the 40 year old door with your head up high, a smile on your face and the love of God, family and friends in your heart.

God wants you to realize that you are unique and that He has a unique plan for you. He wants you to recognize that you are a work in progress and that you should learn to enjoy where you are.

Yes, soon you will be 40 and you will be fabulous! Live life happy and to the fullest and surround yourself with people who love and respect you. ... Always.

Happy soon to be birthday Mellie!

Love 39 year old Mellie