A letter worth sharing..... love this!

https://womenwithworth.wordpress.com/2014/11/30/a-open-letter-to-my-daughters-stepmom/?blogsub=confirming#blog_subscription-2

There are times when I find other women who amaze me not only with their strength and grace but with their ability to express themselves in writing.  This came to me in my feed on Facebook and I fell in love with the letter and it's author. 

Being a mother, I too worry and think about the future and what it holds for my kids.  Fear and jealousy loom in the darkest places and the fear of a replacement is one of them.  I do not know what the future holds for me or for my kids but I hope when I am faced with it I will be able to handle it with grace and dignity like the author of this letter.

Have a good day today.

~Mellie

Happy Thanksgiving.....

From my family to yours.... Happy Thanksgiving!!!

~Mellie

I am......

If you have been following my blog you know these cards are called the I Am...... Cards.  The idea is to pull a card each day to read a positive affirmation to fill your mind with.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you can change how you feel and the way you think.  It's a simple way to experience life in a new and exciting way, and to explore your mind with the thought behind the "I am".... card of the day.

This comes a day after a friend at my gym told me that he is always amazed at how my smile alone can draw so many people to me.  He said others are instinctively drawn to me because of my qualities as a person and the charisma I possess.

Fast forward to today and my "I am..." card is right along with that conversation.  This to me is a message from God that I need to understand more and share with others today.

I am.... magnetic. 

Yes, this is true. 

This does not mean that I feel the need or go out of my way to be the life of the party or the funniest person in the room.  To me, I am magnetic because of the energy I put into the world. 

I am not one for small talk. I would rather sit in silence than have to feel like I have to keep a conversation going with any person.  If there is nothing to talk about then silence is okay with me!.  With the lack of desire to small talk it always amazes me how many people always approach me and want to do just that, chit chat.  But I understand I give off the energy that I am approachable and warm. I know this about me.  This is not me being a narcissist, I am just comfortable with who I am and know that I am an approachable and a warm person to those around me. (Now, if you cross me you will see a different side of Mellie) I think the energy I put off when speaking to others, most of the time, is a selfless interest in the other person and this adds to me being magnetic.

I am a simple person.  I have a handful of friends who are close to myself and my littles.  But I have many friends who I interact with on a daily bases because of my personality.  They seek my assistance, sometimes guidance and others times just an understanding of what they are going through.  They are drawn to me by seeing the relationships I have with others and they want to experience that in some way as well.  I do not "collect" friends to make myself feel better or to appear to be something I am not.  But when someone seeks me out, and they are a  true and genuine person I am happy to get to know them and friend them in the manner that they need from me.

There have been many people in my life who have been apart of me in huge ways.  They may have been with my family and I daily for months or years and then suddenly just leave the relationship.  It took me a long time to understand this was nothing personal against me or that I was doing something wrong.  I understand that some people come into our lives for a certain time only.  They achieve the unwritten needs they wanted or they assist me in my time of need and then they move on.  It's okay to experience this kind of friendship and it's accepting to know that we were able to be there for one another even if it did not last.  These sort of friendships come from being magnetic too because you draw them to you and then when they are fulfilled they leave again.  I truly believe in my heart that we meet certain people at different stages of our lives and their friendship is only to serve a purpose for each other at that time.  And when that friendship ends, although it is sad,  it's always remembered fondly and you know the lesson. 

Being magnetic has brought me many opportunities in my life and I really feel will only continue to bring me more.  As I understand this characteristic about myself  it makes me more confident in myself and allows me to be even more open to those around me thus making me even more magnetic. 

I love helping people.  In every and any way.  (EXCEPT for moving, I hate to move at all for myself or for anyone.. so please don't ask me to help)  I love helping people at work, when I have the opportunity.  I love helping people get healthy.  I love supporting companies of people I know.  I love motivating others. I love assisting someone to better their life in anyway I can.  If I can help someone, I am the person who will be the first to stand up and do it.  This makes me magnetic as well.

As I sit and look at this card even longer I am finding that my message today from God, or the Universe, however you want to look at it is that I am suppose to learn to be even more magnetic and by doing this others will see me and follow and open up their magnetic personality too improving on their lives.

So if this is you, and you are feeling like you are magnetic and want to improve on your life I thought of some suggestions that might help you, and remind me at the same time, that we can always improve on who we are and be even better than we were the day before.

• Communicate with others in a sincere manner.  Let them know that they matter and their life story is important to you.  Don't seek out to fix them, but listen to them and hear what they are saying and offer up what you can of yourself to help them out.  Most of the time I find the best thing I can offer someone is just being present for them.
•  Express and live your purpose daily.  Others are drawn to people with a purpose that show not only their triumphs but their struggles.  I am one to put my struggles out into the world so that others know they are not alone.  I think this really is gift for others because they may be so down on themselves if they see you have issues that line up with them they will feel less alone or less like they are beneath everyone.
• Always seek the best in someone. It's so hard not to judge one another, but when we really can take a step back and look for the good in everyone this draws out the good in that person.
• Be enthusiastic.  There are days when I am tired, gloomy and fed up with things around me and I may just want to put my head in a pillow and hide.  But when I go out into public, the first thing I do is put a smile on my face and kick my energy level up to the next level.  There is a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that I love.  "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
• Always keep your sense of humor.  There is nothing better than breaking the ice or making someone feel at east with humor.  This does not mean we have to act like the class clown, but I find when someone approaches me and they are in a sensitive place I am able to help ease them with a joke or two.. usually at my own expense.
• Reflect radiance and grace. Let others feel the glow and warmth from you.  Your radiance and grace is an inner beauty that you should allow out as much as possible.  Captivate others with your smile, love and grace because we all know there are enough people bringing the negative to this world already.
• Be a selfless servant with others.  Take the concerns, interest and needs of others into consideration and continue to understand and lean what it is like to be selfless.  This not only will touch the lives of so many but it will improve your life as well.  You will get back what you put out. This will inspire them to be the same way to other people in their lives too. 
• Smile at all times.  This is a non vocal way for you to invite others into your life and let them know your door is open.  Be aware not all will smile back and not all will respond positively but keep smiling at them every chance you can until the one day when you will break down their walls and they will let you into their lives and then you can really make a difference with them.
• Understand that you will not be able to please everyone.  You do not need to worry about what others think of you or say about you.  It is not up to you to make a good impression on everyone, it is only up to you to be who you are and continue to try and improve on who you are daily.  People will come against you.  Others will tell stories about you to make themselves look better.  Others will attack and make implications that you are not a real person.  But hold steady.  Continue to do the things you do, or the things I have listed above, and rise above it all with grace.  And one day, probably later in life, the haters will recall your demeanor and start to live their lives that way as well.  You are who you are and the example you show is more powerful than the words you say.

I hope these little brainstorms can reach one or two people out there today and speak to them like my card spoke to me today.  We are in all in this life together, some for bigger reasons than others but none of us is less than one another.  Go out today, try one new thing that you may have read here or thought up on your own and be.... magnetic!

~Have a great day!

WHO YOU ARE.....

I have always loved this video.

It was sent to me at a time when I was having a hard time in my life and really could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  A girlfriend of mine sent it to me privately to let me know she was thinking of me and that everything in this video was true about me.

It's a good reminder for me, so much that it is in my play list each day!  What is inside of me and what comes out from my soul is all me and that's a good thing.  I do not have to live in fear or doubt or allow my naysayers to bring me down.  I do not have to look for someone to validate me.  I am loved for who I am by my family, peers and those around me.  But most of all I am loved by God!

I will not listen to the enemy and I will not suffocate the woman inside me, I will continue to let her out and be the fantastic woman she is!  

I share this not because I am blue today, but because I just want to reach ONE person out there who may not feel worthy today.  YOU ARE LOVED!  You are worth it!  You are strong!  You can live the life you want to live!

~Mellie

Images.....

I have been sitting at my compute for the past 20 minutes trying to decide the direction of today's entry.  Will my topic today be guidance? Will it be an outlet for my own feelings? Will it be a window into my past to see my struggles, and where I am today because of it?

When I first sat down, my mind was filled with a conversation I was having this morning with a friend whom I have been helping to try and understand that her body does not always have to be stage ready for her to feel beautiful and in shape. My mind is also focused on yet another friend and her body image.  With my help, in the past, this friend had gotten herself in the best shape of her life but now has allowed her old habits to rule her life, and her hard work, sweat and tears are no longer visible.

In addition to these two women, my mind leads me back to my two daughters and seeing them each morning getting ready for school. My daughters are becoming more aware of their own bodies, the clothes they wear, and their overall appearance.

I am afraid for them.

When I was a young girl, I remember very clearly one day sitting in my room drawing a portrait of myself. Out of all the things I can recall of my younger years, this one has always stood out in my mind as if it happened only yesterday.  The image I drew was my side profile and I recall that I drew my nose large, my breast small and my stomach bloated.  This was how I saw myself at the age of 12.  But if I look back on photos of me at that time, I looked nothing like that (well I had no chest, that part was true). I was a fairly average girl with no extra pounds on me but not too thin either.  I had a great smile, clear complexion and a perfectly normal, healthy looking body.  Recalling that drawing of myself really illustrates how the mind tries and tells you to see things one way, when really they are another.

My friend that we will call "T" (No, not T from the Valley) is a beautiful, strong and caring woman, who is independent and always tries to see the good in most situations.  She is stubborn, strong willed and feisty but at the same time would give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. T use to compete in body competitions.  I first met her a few years ago at a gym.  She was there daily, always walking around with a purpose, her workout plan in hand and asfocused on what she had to do.  She would often flash a smile at you or stop for a quick chat, but for the most part she was there to get her business done and put the most into her workouts.  I recall I was in awe of her shape and her dedication.

Fast forward three years and T is still everything I described above, EXCEPT she is now caught in the drama of feeling like she has to be "stage ready" at all times. Stage ready is exactly how I felt when I did my competition through Max Muscle in 2012.  http://www.maxmuscle.com/article/2012/7/maxformation-2012-top-25-announced.html

Once I reached my body fat goal of 9%, I felt like I had to stay that way forever.  Not only did I not want to gain weight, but I did not want others to think I was lazy or going back to my old fat ways again.  It was a battle I dealt with for many weeks.  I literally felt myself falling into a disorder that I knew if I even dipped my toe in I would not be able to get out of easily.  I had to tell myself that all my hard work up to that point was to be celebrated and honored, but that I had to find a new balance to start living by.

This is where T comes in.

I am trying to help her develop that same balance in her own life.  Her body is lean, she is fit and she is a hard worker.  Yet, the body image she holds in her mind tells her that she is fat and a monster.  It is my daily goal to try and continue to help her work through this negativity that she sees and help her see the true image of herself--the one we all see when we look at her--which is the beautiful, lean and fit woman that she is.

The Dove commercial I attached to this blog is for the topic of my girls. Growing up, I did not have the mother - daughter relationship with my own mother that I have and continue to strive for with my girls.  I do not have very good examples of that sort of relationship.  I know what I longed for as a child with my own mother, and I know the image of a mother that I have in my own mind, and I know the type of wife and mother I want my two girls to be when they get older.  With all of this, the last thing I thought about was what type of body image do my girls have of themselves?

I made a horrific mistake the other day with my daughter Gabriella. I had just gotten a new article of clothing and was about to wear it out.  Gabriella came into my room and told me I looked pretty.  I asked her if she liked the shirt and if it made me look fat.  Her response was "I love it and you NEVER look fat."  What message did I send to her in that very moment?  Here I am asking my 9 year-old if I looked fat.  Just like the Dove commercial shows us, our daughters learn from us in every way.  If I think I am fat, she is probably going to think she is as well.  Because what Gabriella sees is a fit, toned mommy who looks good and if I think that is fat, then she must be fat too.  Life is about these little moments right here... and I have to be conscious of them each and every day and each and every moment.

The last thing I want for either of my daughters is for them to be doing a self portrait at 12 years old and drawing the same kind of image that I had once done.

No one is perfect.  There is no perfect body.  There is no perfect life.  But we all have the ability to make the best of what we have and to work as hard as we can to improve anything we are not happy with.  It takes hard work to achieve our goals and it can sometimes take just as much hard work to understand that we reached them and we can celebrate them now.  We do not always have to be striving for the next big thing. We do not have to beat ourselves up thinking if we just got to this weight or looked like this then we would be happy.  Happy comes from the soul not our images.  We have to learn to find that happiness in ourselves and stop looking to others for it.

Today, I am going to go out of my way to show my daughters that I think my body is beautiful so that they will know their bodies are beautiful too.  Today, I will continue to encourage my two friends to find a balance in their life that makes them happy, healthy, strong and satisfied.   Today, I will love myself.

Please, love yourself today too.

~Mellie