Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pray about eveything, worry about nothing......

In Joyce Meyer's book called:  Woman to Woman she talks about how God did not fashion woman for worry.  
She quotes a scripture:  Mark 4:19, 

"Then the cares and anxieties of the world and distractions of the age, and the pleasure and delight and false glamor and deceitfulness of riches, and the craving and passionate desire for other things creep in and choke and suffocate the Word, and it becomes fruitless."  

Joyce then goes on and says, 

"God has not fashioned women for worry, care and concern, so cast them off instead of putting them on.  The devil will keep offering them to you, but you don't have to accept them.  Remember that Jesus wants you to cast all your care on Him because He cares for you!"

This is a lesson that I never learned growing up and have spent my entire life dealing with.  I have always worried, I have always been fearful of almost everything in one way or another.  I am sure it stems from my childhood and the lack of support and trust as a child in the adults in my life.  I lived in constant fear of an older sibling who always seemed one step away from going off the deep end.  I learned very quickly and on most occasions publicly that I could not count on my mother or anything she said.  I lived in a state of fear that my mother was going to one day leave us and I felt abandoned not having a father figure in my life.  All this was compounded when at the age of 13 I found myself homeless and having to find a way to survive on my own.  Fast forward 39 years and you get Mellie who worries about EVERYTHING! 

 As of today I still live in a fear of some kind and as much as I am trying, I am finding it hard to shake this.  What makes me so different from other people who are able to just .... "Give it to God?"  How is that others can take their pain, sadness and fear and just hand it over and walk away from it?  On occasions I have been able to give situations to God but the majority of the time it haunts me and I can not let go.  My faith in God is strong and I know this is not how He wants me to live but how do you let it all go? How do you walk away from it and put it out of your mind when the fear is so strong and real?  Is the fear I feel the devil? Are the situations that occur that keep me in this state the devil having a hand in it?  My guess is yes, but even facing that realization I still have not been able to walk away.

I wonder how other people of faith let go of their fear, how do they just "Give it to God" and walk away from it.

I have two friends right now who are my spiritual guides.  I turn to them when my faith is low, when I have fear raging through my mind and when I just do not know how to turn my life over to God.  They are both a HUGE support for me and I really thank them both for this past year and getting me through it. 

One of them tells me all the time that I need to "pray, pray, pray" when situations arise that set my fear off.  I am told that I should ignore the situation and walk away from it so that God will intervene and take care of it.  I am told to keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor in prayer and all will be taken care of in His time.

This is VERY hard for me, those who know me know that (even though I live in fear) I am very strong willed and I am determined to fix "people" or fix "problems" in my life.  I have this NEED to always fix things and make things better for everyone.  But my friend is trying to teach me that this is NOT my job, it is not for me to do and figure out.. it's for me to leave it with God and allow Him to do it.

I have battled this for many months but tonight I finally came to my point where I had to ask myself.... "Mellie, the way you are doing it now, is it working for you?"  Of course the answer is no, it is not.  Doing things half ass never does work for me, so like everything else I am going to do it 100%.  I am going to put my faith in God, I am going to give my troubles-all of them- over to God and I am going to sit with my head high, mouth shut and my knees on the ground in prayer.  I am going to do this because nothing else I have done has worked and I am going to allow God to do His work in His time.

Philippians 4:6 reminds us not to "fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."

The instruction is clear:  Do not take care upon yourself Mellie.

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