Welcome to Mellie's mind...

Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

Enjoy the ride!

Monday, December 31, 2012

Dear 30 something Mellie...

Dear 39 year old Mellie,

This is the last December you will spend in your 30's. soon just like the calendar your age is going to flip into a new number count.

The age you use to fear and joke about is no longer around the bend in the road, it's at the next stop sign.

But Mellie, don't fear your age because it doesn't define you. Being 40 Is going to be a privilege for you. It will mark a new era in your life, a new chapter that will eventually bring you a new sense of peace if you allow it.

In this next chapter of life focus On Your walk with God. Don't wait for someone to lead you to that relationship, go out and seek it on your own. Read God's word daily and learn the scriptures and understand that God loves you unconditionally.

No matter what happens in your earthly life the real purpose is your after life.

Mellie don't spend time worrying about other people whether they like you or not. Some people are just mean spirited and will find reasons to hate on you. Some will be jealous of you, your family, who you are married to and your success. Some will just be mean people. Don't spend time trying to figure it out and fix it. Just let go and move on.

Mellie, life was not meant to be lived in fear. Find your peace and strength in God and allow him to do his work. No matter what may or may not happen to you... You can only control so much. Let go of all that struggle and know no matter what... You will survive.

Mellie many people share with you how proud they are of you or how they admire you for your strength and dedication. Many tell you that you inspire them and they look up to you. HEAR these people and take their words to heart.

You are a good person, a good wife, a good friend and a great mother. Embrace these qualities and let them thrive in your 40's. walk through the 40 year old door with your head up high, a smile on your face and the love of God, family and friends in your heart.

God wants you to realize that you are unique and that He has a unique plan for you. He wants you to recognize that you are a work in progress and that you should learn to enjoy where you are.

Yes, soon you will be 40 and you will be fabulous! Live life happy and to the fullest and surround yourself with people who love and respect you. ... Always.

Happy soon to be birthday Mellie!

Love 39 year old Mellie

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pray about eveything, worry about nothing......

In Joyce Meyer's book called:  Woman to Woman she talks about how God did not fashion woman for worry.  
She quotes a scripture:  Mark 4:19, 

"Then the cares and anxieties of the world and distractions of the age, and the pleasure and delight and false glamor and deceitfulness of riches, and the craving and passionate desire for other things creep in and choke and suffocate the Word, and it becomes fruitless."  

Joyce then goes on and says, 

"God has not fashioned women for worry, care and concern, so cast them off instead of putting them on.  The devil will keep offering them to you, but you don't have to accept them.  Remember that Jesus wants you to cast all your care on Him because He cares for you!"

This is a lesson that I never learned growing up and have spent my entire life dealing with.  I have always worried, I have always been fearful of almost everything in one way or another.  I am sure it stems from my childhood and the lack of support and trust as a child in the adults in my life.  I lived in constant fear of an older sibling who always seemed one step away from going off the deep end.  I learned very quickly and on most occasions publicly that I could not count on my mother or anything she said.  I lived in a state of fear that my mother was going to one day leave us and I felt abandoned not having a father figure in my life.  All this was compounded when at the age of 13 I found myself homeless and having to find a way to survive on my own.  Fast forward 39 years and you get Mellie who worries about EVERYTHING! 

 As of today I still live in a fear of some kind and as much as I am trying, I am finding it hard to shake this.  What makes me so different from other people who are able to just .... "Give it to God?"  How is that others can take their pain, sadness and fear and just hand it over and walk away from it?  On occasions I have been able to give situations to God but the majority of the time it haunts me and I can not let go.  My faith in God is strong and I know this is not how He wants me to live but how do you let it all go? How do you walk away from it and put it out of your mind when the fear is so strong and real?  Is the fear I feel the devil? Are the situations that occur that keep me in this state the devil having a hand in it?  My guess is yes, but even facing that realization I still have not been able to walk away.

I wonder how other people of faith let go of their fear, how do they just "Give it to God" and walk away from it.

I have two friends right now who are my spiritual guides.  I turn to them when my faith is low, when I have fear raging through my mind and when I just do not know how to turn my life over to God.  They are both a HUGE support for me and I really thank them both for this past year and getting me through it. 

One of them tells me all the time that I need to "pray, pray, pray" when situations arise that set my fear off.  I am told that I should ignore the situation and walk away from it so that God will intervene and take care of it.  I am told to keep my head up, my mouth shut and my knees on the floor in prayer and all will be taken care of in His time.

This is VERY hard for me, those who know me know that (even though I live in fear) I am very strong willed and I am determined to fix "people" or fix "problems" in my life.  I have this NEED to always fix things and make things better for everyone.  But my friend is trying to teach me that this is NOT my job, it is not for me to do and figure out.. it's for me to leave it with God and allow Him to do it.

I have battled this for many months but tonight I finally came to my point where I had to ask myself.... "Mellie, the way you are doing it now, is it working for you?"  Of course the answer is no, it is not.  Doing things half ass never does work for me, so like everything else I am going to do it 100%.  I am going to put my faith in God, I am going to give my troubles-all of them- over to God and I am going to sit with my head high, mouth shut and my knees on the ground in prayer.  I am going to do this because nothing else I have done has worked and I am going to allow God to do His work in His time.

Philippians 4:6 reminds us not to "fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."

The instruction is clear:  Do not take care upon yourself Mellie.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

How to Have the Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed of

I love this article, not because of the title because of how it starts out....

You may be thinking that I’m going to give you some tips on how you can change that husband or wife of yours who desperately needs changing, right?  Well, not really.  I’m going to give you 7 things YOU must do as you strive to have the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. 
-Mark Merrill, focus on the family

I wonder how many people clicked on this article with the intent on hoping to learn something that they could do to CHANGE THEIR SPOUSE?? I bet more than we could count.  I know, I USE to be this kind of person... what can I say to my hubby to make him change?  What can I read to my hubby to make him change?  What can I do to make him change?  Change, change, change... WHY WON'T HE CHANGE??????  Uggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Well, it hit me one day like a brick.. maybe it was ME who needed to change.  Circumstances have came up this past year that have really set me back as a person.  I have been rocked to my core, I have had my feelings shattered and I have been dropped to my knees sobbing and begging God to help me..... then one time while on my knees I realized this is exactly where I needed to be... at the Mercy of God and in a moment where I could reflect on what I needed to do to improve my marriage vs always looking for what my hubby needed to do.

I have always been so quick to be able to point out what someone was doing wrong yet so slow and ignorant on what I was doing to assist that person.  This does not mean that I take full responsibility for other people actions, but it does mean that I have learned and I continue to try and learn how my actions can affect those around me.  Most importantly, my hubby. 

The article goes on to list the 7 things you must do to have the marriage you desire and I agree with all 7 of them and will continue to work on them.

1. You must always make your spouse the top priority in your life.
2. You must serve your spouse, and sacrifice for your spouse, without expectation of anything in return.
3. You must empathize with your spouse. Feel what they feel.
4. You must control your tongue. Use it to build up, not tear down.
5. You must ask for forgiveness and forgive your spouse for any wrongs committed.
6. You must always, always be honest in everything.
7. Must love your spouse to make your spouse lovely

I am thankful for aticles like these not because I seek to find a quick fix for my hubby or my marriage, but it gives me a great reminder that I must learn to fix myself.  I must treat my hubby like I want him to treat me and I must surrender everything I have no control over to God and let him deal with it.  Marriage is hard and when you toss in work, family and money it gets harder and harder.  But I know.. if we can just step back as a couple, remind ourselves that the love we share and the memories we hold are worth the struggle than I know everything will be alright.  

I have the marriage I always dreamed of, now it's up to me to continue to work towards making it better than my dreams!

No tongue shall rise in judgment

I pray that no weapon formed against my husband shall prosper, and that every tongue which rises against him in judgement You, God, shall condemn.

Every tongue..... including my own.

A situation occurred over the weekend with my husband and I and it came down to my husband blurting out.... "I will not be judged by anyone!"  That statement really struck me and stuck with me because he is right, he will not and should not be judged by anyone.  Who are we to cast a judgement on him?  (The people in his life) Are we all perfect, do we walk with God and live a Godly life all the time?  I know I don't.  I feel as if because of our past, our separation earlier this year, I found myself judging his choices and judging how he handled his choices during and after that time.

The bible says:

1 Peter 3:1-22 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.

"Conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."  Passing judgment on my hubby either in words, actions or looks does not honor him and show him my respect for him.  Now, some will say respect has to be earned and I get that but I feel that by showing the respect I will get the respect as well.... my other option is what?  To judge him, put him down, criticize him and leave the door open for Satan to push someone else through the door to adorn my hubby... no thanks!

I really do respect my husband, he is a good strong man.  Yes, he has made mistakes in the past and yes he has hurt me but through it all he continued to strive to learn, and improve himself and you can't say that about every man in this world.  My hubby could have ran from our issues, he could have just gave up and said it was too hard, he could have ran from his mistakes and thought it easier to just put them behind him... but instead he admitted he was wrong and he opened to door to improve himself, our relationship wit God and our relationship with each other.... that is strength.

After our situation this weekend I made sure to reach out to my hubby and share with him how I was feeling.  I sent him this text:

You are my best friend.
You are the love of my life.
I do not want to be anywhere else.
I do not want to be with anyone else.
I admire you.
I look up to you.
I depend on you to help me achieve my goals in life.
I seek your leadership in helping me be a better person.
I don't judge you, but if your perception is that I do, then I will make the changes needed do you don't feel that way.
I think very highly of you as my husband.
We will have our bumps in the road, but with our love, God's presence, we can make it through those bumps and still come out stronger and better.
Everyday I will try and be a better wife for you, for us.

One thing I have learned in my marriage this year is that I have to show, and tell my hubby how much he means to me and how much I respect and admire him.  Men are no different than women.  Woman want to feel beautiful, be told they look good.  Women seek acknowledgment on the work we do around our homes and with our families.  Men are no different.  They want to feel appreciated, looked up to, respected, they want to know that as their wives we depend on them and appreciate the hard work they do to provide the lives we have with them.  Those lives may not be perfect, but they love us and they work hard to give us the lives we want and they think we should have... is it too much to ask to show them our thanks with love and respect... I don't think so.

Tell your spouse today how much you love and respect him, tell him you admire how hard he works.  Share with him how you feel about him being a father to your kids and let him know that no matter what... you don't want to be anywhere else.  Try and do this daily.  

Ephesians 5:33

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Monday, December 3, 2012

10 weeks

Yesterday I started a new 10 week goal with my husband Joe.  We are going to make a strong push together to hit some new weight and body goals.  For me it will be dropping a few pounds I put on in order to try and gain mass, and toning some trouble areas. For Joseph it will be bulking and then doing a final cut.

People call us obsessed, I call us healthy, active and motivated.  There is nothing like having a short term goal to focus on and keep you motivated.  I know when I did the Max Muscle Maxformation 2012 it kept me on my toes daily.  Each day I had to be accountable on line to other participants and I had to be accountable to myself.  Did I do enough at the gym? Did I give it my all? Did I stay on my meal plan?  All these things were always in the forefront of my mind and kept me going.  In addition seeing other people post pictures of their progress or weigh and and see how much weight they lost really kept me going too.

I am excited to being doing this challenge with my husband and my son has kicked in with a side bet.  He is trying to get off junk food for 30 days. One thing you should know about my family... we do not eat a lot of junk food, especially Michael. So this will not be as big as it might be in other families but again, we are just trying to do the best we can and live a healthy life and to make it a little more fun we have put a money bet on it. 

Goals keep you focused.  Partners keep you accountable.  

I am glad to be doing this... let the 10 weeks begin!