The Love Dare- Day Eleven

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give him a back rub or foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with?  Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Love cherishes- Consider these two scenarios.  A man's older car begins to have serious problems; so much he is told it would need a complete overhaul that will force the man to almost deplete his savings to repair it.   Another man crushes his hand in a piece of equipment.  He goes to the ER where he is told he is going to need surgery to repair the hand, it will need a cast, and then he will need to gingerly nurse it back to health over a period of time.  The treatments are expensive and will deplete most of his savings.  The problem with our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario.  When relationships experience difficulties, more often than not people are encouraged to dump their spouse for a "newer model."  People who do this do not understand the true bond of marriage, the bond between a husband and wife is more like the second scenario.  You are part of each other. You would never cut off your hand, you would spend top dollar to repair it with any medical treatment possible.  You do this because your hand is part of you and so is your spouse.  Ephesians 5:28-29 says "Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it."  You mistreat your spouse, you are also mistreating yourself. It's time to let love change your thinking. It's time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your own hand.  Your spouse, too, needs to be loved and cherished. And if your spouse is causing pain and frustration, then you should care for these with the same love and tenderness as you would your body.  Think about how you treat your spouse.  Do you cherish them?  Do you treat them with respect and tenderness?  Do you honor them in the eyes of the world? Do you take pleasure in who they are?  Or do you make them feel foolish, embarrassed and disrespected?  Don't allow the culture around you to determine the worth of your marriage.  To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God's purpose for it.  Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember "he who loves his wife loves himself." And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself. Nourish and cherish the love of your life.

I have been sitting here reading this chapter over and over again and I am flooded with emotions. It would be easy to tell myself that I was successful in this challenge yesterday because I did do a gesture for my hubby that was my way of telling him I cherish him and love him.  Plus I did do it with a smile.  I let him relax after dinner and gave him a back rub, which I love to do for him.  But that is not really the meat and potatoes of this challenge.

 It would be really easy to sit here and read this and tell myself that this is something my hubby should be reading, that just like the chapter says and the bible verse says
"Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it."  But what I need to do is step back and look at my actions towards my hubby and define my treatment of him thus defining my treatment of myself.

The chapter asks me to ask myself:

Think about how you treat your spouse.  

Do you cherish them?  

Do you treat them with respect and tenderness?  

Do you honor them in the eyes of the world? 

Do you take pleasure in who they are?  

Or do you make them feel foolish, embarrassed and disrespected? 

I do cherish my husband.

I TRY and treat him with respect and tenderness. But am I using my definition of respect or his?

I TRY and honor him in the eyes of the world. But if I am frustrated and speak to a freind about my frustrations towards my hubby is this honoring him?  No.

I do take pleasure in who he is? Yes, I enjoy him as a person and he is my best friend, yet am I always trying to change his behaviors? 

I don't try and make him feel foolish, embarrassed or disrespected but again am I going by my definition of these words or his?

I find myself trying to say yes to each one of these questions but then I have to turn and look at myself through the eyes of my spouse and ask how he would answer these questions.  I am sure they would not be the answers I would think.

Yes, the meat and potatoes of this exercise was not about giving him a back rub it was about understanding how I treat him as a part of me.  How I nurture him as I would my own broken hand.  I currently and will continue to devote all that I have into nurturing him and our marriage and I am determined to be the wife God wants me to be so there will be no trading in for a new model for this girl.  But, to do so, I have to learn to dig deeper into my ways of nourishment and ask God for direction more and actually LISTEN to His direction.  

I love myself.  I want to live a full and happy life.  I want to feel loved, safe, secure, have no fears and live in the light of the Lord.  I want all of these things for me, so I must give all of these things to my hubby too.  Because when a wife loves her spouse, she is also giving love and honor to herself.

This was a good chapter for me, and today I am going to speak highly of my hubby, nourish and cherish him because he is the love of my life.  I have some work to do.

~Mellie