I always write about my dare the day after. Today I am struggling within myself and struggling to let go of some past issues. I actually re-read my own blogs to remind myself of the lessons I have learned so far in this exercise so that I could deal with my emotions and fears that I am having. Learning to give it to God, learning to stay within myself, learning to honor, rules of healthy engagements... all of these reminders I am calling on today to help me change my behavior and patterns. The mind is a powerful tool and it can run away with the smallest detail and create the biggest scenario. I am not going to allow this to happen today and by getting my challenge from yesterday down and moving forward into the season of Lent I know God will see me through.
Yesterday I had to honor and respect my hubby a new way and go above and beyond my normal to show him that he is highly esteemed in my eyes. Yesterday I failed. I thought all day about this challenge. I read the chapter several times. I underlined points of the chapter to focus on. Yet, I could not come up with an "action" that I could do to go above and beyond my normal towards my hubby that would show him
Or did I fail?
We had a great evening yesterday. We didn't go to the gym and rather than getting lost in chores around the house, the kids or other things that needed to be done we just spent time together alone when he got home from work. We connected with each other and enjoyed our evening together. We had a little stress over dinner but rather than letting that take over us and determine the rest of our night we both handled it pretty well and got over it together. There was a point at one part of the night where I came to my hubby with a question over something he had done. I tried to not sound condescending or accusatory and I think he responded well to my attempt. So perhaps the challenge was not a failure. Perhaps me changing the way I dealt with the stress of dinner and the question over an action was me going above and beyond to show him honor and respect.
I think this is so hard for me not because I do honor and respect him, I really do. But because of past situations between he and I one of the things he has said to me over and over again is that he does not feel respected. This has always weighed so heavy on me because I do honor and respect him and it has frustrated me when he has said these things to me. How could he not feel respected? I feel I go above and beyond what I am supposed to do. Then I recall something a manager once told me when I had a team of employees to supervise. She said "Perception is 100% the truth. If their perception is saying this, than that is THEIR truth and you have to decide if you are going to change their truth." That always stuck with me over the years and when my hubby says things like he does not feel respected, then I tell myself that is HIS perception and it is up to ME to change it or not.
This is a challenge I will continue to work on and hopefully continue to improve in my marriage. Because it is true. Of all the relationships I have, I value this one the most. Of all the things I am willing to sacrifice, I would sacrifice the most for him. With all his failures, sins, mistakes and faults-I still choose to love and honor him. I don't have to lead my heart to truly love my hubby... it already does.
***I have a couple friends who are struggling in their marriage. I challenged them to take the Love Dare with me. This is a 60 day love challenge based off the movie FireProof Your Marriage. I have started this challenge in the past but not fully dove into it or completed it so I thought if I got these ladies to do it with me we could all work through it together.
I am always looking for ways to improve my marriage, my faith and my relationship with my hubby. I am doing this for me more so than FOR him. It is about changing who I am and who I want to be as a wife and mother and child of God.****