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Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

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Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Love Dare- Day Twelve

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Love lets the other win-  If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you'd likely be able to do with without thinking very hard.  Sadly, unless someone in your marriage starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your spouse.  Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don't really go away.  You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise and generally one spouse ends up resenting the other.  Jesus gives us an example of how to deal with each other in areas of conflict, it's learning the word "willing." Jesus wants us to follow the progression of His selfless love.  He had every right to refuse becoming man but yielded and did- because He was willing.  He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead.  He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross.  In light of this amazing testimony, the Bible applies to us a one-sentence summary statement:  "Have the attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus."  The very moment one spouse can say to the other, "I'm willing to go your way on this one," the argument will be over.  It may cost you pride and discomfort but you have made a loving and lasting investment in your marriage.  You may fear looking foolish or be at a lost of control, but you've already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen.  You lose control by making the issue at hand more important that your marriage. Instead of treating your wife or husband like your enemy or someone to be guarded against, start be treating them as your closest, most honored friend.  Give their words full weight.

I tell you, that last statement:  "Instead of treating your wife or husband like your enemy or someone to be guarded against, start be treating them as your closest, most honored friend.  Give their words full weight."  Those are some powerful words.

There have been numerous times where I can look back and as much as my hubby and I proclaim we are best friends we sure have been at each other like worst enemies.  We put up our guard, we have not confided in each other, kept things from each other and at times have kept each other at an arms length for protection of ones self.  That sure doesn't sound like two people who are best friends.  I am just as guilty of this as he may be as well but until I read that statement I never really took into account what my actions may be causing in our marriage under the surface.

I took this challenge to heart because like the chapter describes issues are cropping up all the time and they never get fully resolved.  It is usually one of us shutting down and then sweeping the issue under the rug.  I know as a woman I want to talk the issue out.  Dissect it, determine what caused the issue, figure out how to resolve the issue and then find out how to prevent it from occurring again.  This is how I want to treat just about every problem that comes my way.  My hubby couldn't be more opposite of me.  He is the type where when an issue arises he just wants to fix it and move on never to speak of it again or think of it again.  (I think most men are like this and most women are like me) But sure as it is stated in this chapter... those issues if not resolved never stop coming up, they are like a thorn in your side that you just refuse to pull out.  Well, I pulled one out last night.

Reading the words " I'm willing to go your way on this one" was like reading  foreign language to me, not that I have never given in but the issues that are on our table are too big for me to even think about uttering these words... till I read my chapter.

So I set out on a mission.  I thought and I prayed and I asked God to lead me to the issue that I was to not only continue to turn over to God but to announce to my hubby I was going to give in on it and God answered my prayers.  Last night, during a time where my hubby and I were alone and relaxed I let him know that I was going to let go of this issue.  I asked him to help me let go by doing something that would assist me and then I told him that I was going to just trust in him and his intentions and I knew I was making the right choice.  I told him I did not want this to come between us anymore and I would just trust in his actions with it.  At first my hubby was trying to appease me as well and offered solutions and asked me to just wait and I would see the change.  I listened to him and I made sure to give his words weight but then I simply responded again with please, just do this and let me let go of it... I trust in you.  So he agreed and thanked me for trusting him.

That was BIG.  Big for me because I have to let go, big for me because it is such a sore subject in our marriage.  But it was or will be big for him too because it will show to him that I am willing to trust and I am willing to allow him to lead the family in this area and do what he thinks is best.  No more questions from me, no more accusations, no more checking to make sure things are falling into place just me letting him do his thing for the good of our family.  (Is it getting hot in here???)  KIDDING!!!!!!

I have said this before.... I started this challenge to help my friends and do it with them in hopes to help their marriages but I also set out to do it not for my hubby but for me.  I want to be a better person, I want to be a better wife.  I want to put my trust in God and have a faith that is so strong nothing will come against me.  I am happy I am doing this and I am happy that I am learning the areas of my life I need to work on while hopefully building a stronger marriage.  One person said to me that it seems like I am putting in all the work....... well, what is wrong with that?  God tells me what kind of wife to be..... I think I better listen to him versus what the world thinks I should do.  I tried that for 40 years.... look where it got me.

***I have a couple friends who are struggling in their marriage.  I challenged them to take the Love Dare with me.  This is a 60 day love challenge based off the movie FireProof Your Marriage.  I have started this challenge in the past but not fully dove into it or completed it so I thought if I got these ladies to do it with me we could all work through it together.


I am always looking for ways to improve my marriage, my faith and my relationship with my hubby.  I am doing this for me more so than FOR him.  It is about changing who I am and who I want to be as a wife and mother and child of God.****

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