Writing a blog, having Facebook, Instagram and other social media can put a person on display and in the line of fire of being judged.
Writing a blog can often be viewed as I am succumbing to vanity. Those who really KNOW ME know that "talking about myself" is something I struggle with. Yet I blog about things that have happened because I am trying to reach someone who is going through something similar that I have gone through. Other times I write because I am worried or low, so I write. And after I am done, I feel better and ultimately my Inbox will fill with a few messages from those who read my blog expressing to me how my words helped them and they are thankful for the blog. I don't try and understand the mechanics of why I write, I just do. But what I do know is, unlike what others think and have expressed towards me, I am not trying to portray my life one way and living it another.
I am a positive person most of the time. I seek out to find quotes to keep myself motivated and hopefully others too. I will share these on my Facebook or my blog. Does this mean I do not have bad days? Does this mean that I am trying to portray a happy life with no issues? Does this mean I do not have moments of weakness where life gets to be too much for me? No, it simply means I choose to post only the good vs the bad because it does nothing to air my dirty laundry on Facebook. The world does not need to know when I am having a disagreement with someone, the world does not need to know that I am having an emotional day and am hiding in my closet. The world does not need to know I am questioning my faith or the reasons my life has gone a certain way. So please, don't judge me or make assumptions that you know nothing about.
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Twelve Things You Don't Know About Me:
1. I do not watch or read the news... at all. Trying to process all the evil in this world is too much for me and I would rather not focus on the negativity of it all. I don't like to fill my head with fears, obstacles and politics because it takes me to a place I don't like to live in.... more fear. No matter what is going on around me life is going to happen and filling my mind and my space with all the bad is not going to make more aware, it is not going to make me smarter and it does nothing for my day to day life. I just want to live in the moment the best I can.
2. I hate to eat. Honestly, there is anything I would rather do more than eat. I do enjoy going out to dinner and having drinks but it's the social part of the evening that appeals to me the most, not the food. Food to me has always been associated to a negativity in some way. I would honestly, drink my calories (protein shakes only) if I could. I struggle everyday to eat my meals and or get the proper amount of nutrition in me. And unless I put myself on a strict regiment for weight training with a goal in mind I fail everyday.
3. I do not finish books, ever. I have this grand idea in my head every time I see or hear about a great book to read it cover to cover. I will do great the first day or two and then I will put it down and never pick it up again. If you go to my Goodreads application you will see I am "reading" about 50 books right now. Yet, I have not picked up a book in about three months.
4. I did not go to College because I was a terrible test taker in High School and it scared me I would fail. I got great grades in High School. I was not on the Honor Role but I held my own. My daily work and projects I always went about and beyond, all through my years in school. However, when it came to tests and finals I froze every time. THIS is the single reason I did not go to College and I regret it everyday of my life since and am over zealous about ALL my kids going to College, come hell or high water.
5. I have the worst short memory ever. I can meet someone, have a conversation with them and connect with them. But if I do not see them again for a few weeks and they pass me in a public location I will not recall them at all, not even their face. I forget conversations, events and appointments. So, if you met me and I passed you a few weeks later and acted like I did not know you, don't take it personally.
6. I have this feeling that I am going to pass away young. As a child I never thought I would make it to my 21st first birthday. Since that has came and went now it is that I am going to pass away before my kids all graduate from College. I can see my death, my funeral and my children left behind. It sounds so morbid, I know and it's not that I focus on it daily, it is just something I have came to terms with.
7. When I am struggling with life events, changes or circumstances that I did not necessarily count on. Listening to sad songs helps me through my pain and helps me come out stronger. Staying in a moment of morning, if you will, allows me to rebuild and get stronger.
8. I want to travel with my kids. I would love to take all of my kids to different parts of the country on road trips and fly them to places I have never been. This is a huge dream of mine. My mother once piled the three of us kids and drove us across the United States. It was one of the fondest memories of my childhood and I want to do with my own kids.
9. I love my job. Being in debt recovery you get such a bad reputation and people have their opinions about people who do the job. But I look at it like an opportunity to help the person on the other end of my line. No one wants to be in debt. No one likes being in a position where they can not afford to pay for the things they owe. Most people are honest and would love to be able to pay their debts but just have had things happen out of their control that prevents this from happening. I am the person on the other line that will go out of her way to help that person and let them chip away at their debt so that they feel like they are at least doing something. And I will tell you, even if it takes two years for them to pay it off there is NOTHING like the final payment for that person and hearing them express to me how grateful they are for me over the years working with them and showing them respect. Some will tell me that they will actually miss talking to me.... that is a great feeling and makes my job worth it. I love my job.
10. Having two daughters is the hardest thing I have done and will continue to do. I know God gave me two daughters for a reason, there is a lesson here to be learned and I am impatiently waiting for him to show me those lessons! As one is 9 and the other is 6 they are starting to have moments of fighting, and being emotional and can cry at the drop of a hat. I sometimes just stand there looking at them and have no idea what to do or say. I adore them and they bring me joy but I am afraid of the future and the challenges they are going to bring.
11. I may not be perfect but when I look at all five of my kids, I know I got something in my life perfectly right.
12. I love life. I may have fears, I may make mistakes, I may have failures but I love life and I love my life and each day I continue to try and be a better version of myself.
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I hate having MS and living daily with the reminder that I have it. I am grateful that I am so healthy, there are so many others out there suffering with worse versions of my disease and I feel guilty when I have moments of feeling sorry for myself. But the point is still there that I loath this disease and I loath the fact I have to take a daily injection for it. There are days I will skip my shots on purpose, as a big "F-you" to the disease. I will go days at a time without taking the shot because I am protesting or I am being stubborn and I think unconsciously I am punishing myself for something. A few days will pass and I will give in and go back on my medication but I will be pissy about it.
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I am grateful for the people in my life. Those who are there for me, my kids and would be there at a drop of a hat if I called. I do not necessarily see these people daily, weekly and some not even yearly. But they are there for me if I call on them and I am there for them too.
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I love how excited my littles are for Christmas. Everyday we do a countdown, everyday we talk about gift they want, everyday we discuss what Santa is doing and how we can help make Christmas better for someone else. I am blessed with children who have the gift of giving in their hearts.
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Yes, I paid for your past due light bill to keep the lights on for your family. No, I will not admit it to you.
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These are the things in my mind today, racing the moment I woke up and I like I stated before... I feel better getting them out.
Have a great day everyone and a wonderful holiday season!
~Mellie
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