Contact your spouse sometime during the business day of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
How precious also are Your thoughts of me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -Psalm 139:17-18
Love is thoughtful. When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying every moment of the time you spend together. Love requires thoughtfulness- on both sides- the kind that builds bridges through constructive combination of patience, kindness and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate your spouse and how your spouse uniquely thinks. Great marriages come from great thinking.
How many of us call our spouses just to say hello and see if they need anything? I think I have done this less times than I could count on one hand in my marriage. Sure, I call him but often but when I call to say hello the conversation will turn to something about bills, work, the house or the kids. I often find myself not calling just to say hello and to let him know I was thinking about him.
Today I had to tweak my challenge. Today my hubby and I have the day off together so we were together all day today. So I took my challenge and just made sure that I did check ins with him during the day. "How are you? Is there anything I can get for you? Do you need anything?" I tried to stay in communication with him in person while still letting him know I was open and willing to do anything he needed. I am sure it is not the same but I did not want to skip the challenge all together. My plan is to do this first thing on Monday and just have an extra challenge that day so that he will get the full affect.
I have to share doing this challenge and thinking about it during the day has really helped me put some things into perspective. It has reminded me that I need to show kindness, patience and selfessness but doing it in a way where I am not expecting anything back.
This is my challenge, this is not his and it is not fair for me to think of ways I think he should react to what I am doing. For all I know he is not even aware of what I am doing, I know he is not reading my blogs because I am not posting them on my Facebook. But that's okay because this is not about him, this is about me striving to do better, to find a more holy love for him that I can show in my actions, my words and my expressions.
I am sad to hear that friends of mine are thinking of divorce. They have been together for awhile now, not as long as my hubby and I, but still a long time. This couple is just at the end of their rope and the story I am hearing is that she is tired of feeling like she is the one doing all the giving and compromising plus compromising who she is. Her complaint is that her hubby drinks too much for her taste and is not forthcoming in his actions. He pretty much lies about everything in her mind. So she just feels that it's time to call it and move on and save herself any more pain. He is tired of all the fighting and thinks that life would be easier for him if they just went their separate ways. They have two kids and pretty much the only thing they agree on is that the kids will be fine.
But as I listen to her explain why the marriage is falling apart from her point of view and from his I think to myself.... all I am hearing is "me" She wants to save herself, he wants this or that... there is nothing about them being together in this. In fact it sounds like they are on different sides of the fence and have been for most of their marriage.
There is a song called "I won't give up" By Jason Mraz.
Part of the song goes:
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am.
I won't give up on us
"We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in" So many people don't want to learn how to bend and how to come together, I think we get so stuck in fighting about the things we want in our marriage or the feelings we have we forget that we should be fighting to stick together and learn how to bend so that both parties are happy.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying I live the perfect marriage or have all the answers but what I have learned in my life and in this marriage is I am willing to learn how to bend to keep my marriage together and find a way to make my marriage solid. Am I done? Did I master it? No!!! I am still working at it everyday. I am still asking God for help everyday, I am still on my knees praying for strength and for guidance. But like this song says, "I won't give up."
I hope my friends can work through their marriage and see that they need to not be working against each other but for each other. This is a partnership and a bond that no one should be able to break and they are on the same team. I think they have forgotten they are on the same team. Plus, I don't care what anyone thinks... the kids will not be fine. Kids from a broken marriage will always have issues with the divorce and the separation of their family.
Anyway, today was another good day. I felt like I took my challenge to heart and did what I set out to do and I hope it gets me closer to being a better wife and having a stronger marriage.
Have a great night everyone.
~Mellie
****I have a couple friends who are struggling in their marriage. I challenged them to take the Love Dare with me. This is a 60 day love challenge based off the movie FireProof Your Marriage. I have started this challenge in the past but not fully dove into it or completed it so I thought if I got these ladies to do it with me we could all work through it together.
http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-love-dare-paperback-p005180605
I am always looking for ways to improve my marriage, my faith and my relationship with my hubby. I am doing this for me more so than FOR him. It is about changing who I am and who I want to be as a wife and mother and child of God.****
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