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Where thoughts can be funny, can race at all hours of the day and night and can sometimes not make any sense!

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Love Dare, Day One

I have a couple friends who are struggling in their marriage.  I challenged them yesterday to take the Love Dare with me.  This is a 60 day love challenge based off the movie FireProof Your Marriage.  I have started this challenge in the past but not fully dove into it or completed it so I thought if I got these ladies to do it with me we could all work through it together.

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I am always looks for ways to improve my marriage, my faith and my relationship with my hubby.  I am doing this for me more so than FOR him.  It is about changing who I am and who I want to be as a wife and mother and child of God.

Day One

The first part of this dare is fairly simple.  Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

I have to say I started this dare on Tuesday January, 22 2013 because the night before my hubby and I had some struggles.  Some words were said in anger, hurt and in fear and we lashed out at each other.  This is NEVER my intention when a problem arises with him, but as most my emotions get the best of me and fear takes over and I lash out.  It really is something I am trying to work on because it is not pretty, it does not honor my hubby and it is not God like.  So in the morning when I came down to my desk to work my book was sitting there and I told myself... No better day than today.

I was able to achieve my goal.  I did not say anything negative to my hubby.  Several times today I thought of the pain and embarrassment I felt knowing some of the things going on around me.  But I refused to say anything or post anything negative.  I was determined not to allow my mind to run away with me and my emotions and take over.  I told myself I will love my hubby better than anyone can and I will show that love in every action I do towards him.

I made sure the house was in order when he got home and the kids were not being chaotic.  I greeted him when he came in the door with a smile and a kiss.  He shared something with me about his day that I made sure as I was listening I did not give any judgmental looks or ask any questions I just heard what he told me and supported him.  I made sure to show him my communication of love by touching him and stroking his hair and face.  This is nothing new that I do, but as I was doing it I realized I do not do it enough.  My love communication needs to come from more than just my words.... I have to show him the physical too outside of the bedroom.   This also shows him that I find him attractive and desire him.  

We ended up sneaking away for about two hours and went and had a drink together.  It was a chance I felt that I could use to connect with him again after a rough night and reinforce that this is where I want to be and hope he does too.  I felt like there was an elephant in the room but I said nothing negative and asked no pointed questions about that elephant.  I can only hope that he sees this action as me working on me and not working on him.  He is NOT my project, he is not for me to save or for me to lead.  This is for me and for me to change how I do things in my marriage.

I hope day one was the success I feel it was.  I am looking forward to reading my challenge today and seeing what is next.

~Mellie

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